Sasuke
♥
My second time drawing him and the first to color this cute babe.
I know his eyes are abit off...
But oh wells,
Will have to practice more :3
The cover of my novel (:
Kinda stop writing at the moment.
It's not that I have no inspiration,
It's just that I don't have the time.
Anyways,
I can't wait for my trails to be over.
Yet this week is going to be tough.
Especially add maths and bloody perdagangan.
I hope I can live through those shitazzzz.
Somehow,
I feel like something inside of me is dying.
Tiny bit by tiny bit.
Maybe it's the pieces inside of me or something.
Allow me to tell you a secret,
(I'm not sure who 'you' is but I'm pretty sure when I grow older,
I would like to read back the things I typed.)
I honestly feel lonely each passing day.
Sure,
I maybe surrounded with friends.
But let me ask you,
For those who I've touched their lives;
I think they have forgotten about me.
Really.
It's not that I think a lot but honestly,
It feels like I'm just disappeared from them.
Like I'm just a mere shadow to them,
Passing their lives like a breeze from the wind.
I know I should not be emoing,
But how can I not?
The things I did for them,
Did they actually appreciate it?
I highly doubt that.
Now, you are warned that I'm being mean.
You see,
There is this girl that liked the same thing I did.
Sure, it's nice to talk about it then and then.
So one day,
Her birthday.
I went out of the way to get her a plushie that I too, wanted.
But it was the last one.
So what should I do?
I was happy to have such a friend,
I decided to give it to her even though it cost me a bundle.
I was happy that she was happy.
Yet a few days later,
It seems nothing but a distance memory.
Other people gave her wonderful stuff too,
Yet I thought my present to her was unique.
Somehow,
Other people got her something small
And my friend would prefer that then my present.
It's a competition.
And I lost.
Lost just like that.
She doesn't know I went to the shop countless times
Just to get that blardy plushie I wish to have.
Did she appreciate it?
You tell me.
Today
weeeeell
i've been thinking
tht i'm just a mere shadow lately
it's like something important inside me, yet i'm not sure what, is slowly dying. bit by tiny bit
a mere shadow to whom?
or to what
*hug
what made you think in such a way?
alot
im not important to anyone
and yet when they are in trouble, they'll look for me
who says you're not important to anyone?
you're a great friend to me
my lamb XDD
it feels tht way
like i'm no one yet someone
you feel
like you're being taken for granted
being used
?
something like tht
i want to be heard
to be appreciated.
not just a mere thing to pour out yr sorrow too.
at times, i would like some attention (it sounds like i'm some attention seeker wannabe but i dnt give a shit)
i want people to care for me and not to be cared by me
sounds like i'm such an attention seeker right?
i don't only hear you, i listen.
I appreciate you.
you're not a mere thing to me
i'd give attention to u
i also care for u
and no you dont sound like an attention seeker
you've probably just been misunderstood by people
i understand how you feel
i compare myself to alot of ppl
and yet i'm losing to a competition i so wish to win
to me, winning makes me feel like i'm strong, makes me feel like... idk
better somehow
gives you confidence
boosts self esteem
we gotta win once in a while
but you've won
you won your races
and stuff
you cant have it all
and these people who dont appreciate you?
just be nice to them
karma gets to people
it will
the good may go unnoticed, but they're rewarded
im tired you see
im tired of always giving
im tired of everything
of feeling guilty and all tht shit
of losing and the fact im a loser
to everyone
ok
i get it
you feel like you always give more than you get
something like tth
*tht
buuut
lets take someone for example
back
had to go toilet
sry
yes
ok
lets take.. marissa
at times i think the crafts i do are FAAR better then hers
sry, a little ego there
the drawings, the poems, the stories i did
i think some of them are quite nice (L
(:
yet i was put down whn others prefer HERs
like form 2
ppl prefer to talk to her then me
sure, attitude and anger managements
yet the friends i made far earlier then she did
slowly, they'll go to her and leave me be
i get over protective and sometime i dnt like sharing my friends to otehrs
*others
but what can i do?
i see
you feel inferior
yes?
uh
somthing like tht
and yet
when they like her stuff more thn mine
i feel sad, you know?
like ive put so much effort in tht
and yet, ppl just dnt see it
i crave for some attention at times
why?
so i could wipe of the lonely feeling in me
to space out the pain
feeling like ppl actually like me
but ah..
they just prefer her
why?
what do you think causes that?
cause shes friendly and all tht crap i lack off
for people to pick her
are you sure you're not as friendly?
yep (:
im always in that mood
the mood which ppl hate, you know?
and sometimes
i feel extremely left out
like im just a mere shadow in the group
constantly listening yet not a word i say was listened
with tht i learnt to shut myself up
sometimes eve push other away from me
frightened to be once again hurt
sometimes..
people just dont know how to understand others
sometimes they dont put an effort
sometimes they're immature
you're feeling like the world's unfair
to you
i once told marissa this
the world is against me
and she said
no, YOU are against the world
but wht does she know?
shes surrounded by others
and yet she told me she was FORCED to smile all the time
how can tht be?
surrounded by many others
giving her companion she needs
company which she carves.
You're wondering, how can a person like her with such a strong social life have something as to pretend to be happy, yes?
I'm not for defending anyone
but often these people with high social levels
they have a lot of friends
you can say too many
that they sometimes seem to lose control of their lives
messy organization
not close to anyone
but on regular terms with everyone
thts bull, i'm sure shes close with ppl
Having a handful of trusted people always beats having a huge number of people
That you are sure, but is she?>
she often thinks tht she has no one close
but i see with my own eyes
tht there are ppl who are closed to her
willing to give their all
but does she sees it?
tht im not sure
take kitee
aslene
jeremy
aaron
malcolm (ex)
jesslyn
kent (maybe)
shenny
but i dnt think she sees it
I know how you feel
You feel that these people have so many things around them, but they don't seem to see it or appreciate it, correct?
yes
and she constantly dwell on the past and not let go when SHE asked me too
thts major hypocrite
Sometimes, people are scared to show that they are ready to give their full to a person.
Speaking is always much easier than doing, Kimberly.
The best advices are always not done
and not followed
because they are always the most difficult
sigh
she doesnt understand tht
i told her
Sometimes also, people's got opinions
about who to accept.
and who to not
words are easy, yet actions are hard to carry out.
cause she once told me tht
every advice she has given to me
i had not carried out
but how could i?
i put my pride first
i will not go low and say sorry for things i DID NOT do wrong
why should i do tht?
im not at fault
and i have to apologize?
and when i did,
she doesnt
why is tht?
why must i always be the bad guy
when at times, i THOUGHT i'm the good one?
Apologizing for something you did no wrong doesn't make you the bad
i put my pride and ego first, you see
sometimes
saying sorry for things i did not do make me look like im not bad guy
and i'm lowering myself
It's nothing lowering to admit
for something
even if you did it no wrong
like im some kind of servant tht has to say sorry for everything my master did wrong.
yes, i say sorry when im at fault, i would admit tht
oh
back to loneliness
ok
LOL
People just don't know how to appreciate you
Sometimes, we have to conform to people.
they'll think im so arrogant, sticking my nose in a book and blocking out the rest
Then conform to them and not do so
like they give a shit
my old school, i feel left out in every single way
now, i still do
even if i just smile and go like
oh nothing's wrong
whn i hope ppl can see there is something wrong
yes, sometimes it's pestering
but it feels like ppl do care
um, my msn doesnt work D: dnt know why
It's okay
Anyway..
You want someone to see past that sadsmile of yours
To pamper you when they know you're truly down behind that mask
To give you attention when you want it so much
Yes it is
but there's nothing wrong with having a lack of attention
there was never wrong in wanting attention
there is perfectly nothing wrong with being emotional over something
everyone has different standards
different limits
seems to others like it is a crime.
but wht do they know?
they have everything they want, maybe more than they can handle
i dnt want to be discard so easily
yet i am
when i left bu4,
i thought HEY
maybe ppl will like notice
specially to those whom ive touched their lives
but honestly, they dnt give a damn
i once told you its fine and all
but seriously, it's painful and it hurts
even my friends, tanisha
whom i was closed to... once
Today
didnt even offer to text me asking me how i am and all tht crap
i listened to her
i give her some comfort
a shoulder to cry on
but wht?
she offends me at times
but i just turn into a deaf ear,
blocking it out
but now?
i miss you.
those three words are nothing but words
meaningless if we dnt put genuine feelings in it
i can say, hey lord, i blardy hate you
but do i actually do?
no. why?
cause i didnt put the hatred in those words
