#461 Feelings

Phew!
It has been a hectic week for me
As assignments an quiz have been constantly rolling in for me.

College is great,
No doubt about that.
Constant laughter and smiles linger on my face
As I reach home every day.

Today is 'one of those days' day.
I did not do well in both my quiz in advance function and english.
Found out one of the girls in the class photo above
Cheated not once but three times during quiz
And it's pissing me off.
Why should she get away with it and get high marks
When she cheated!?
She copied one of the senior's presentation
And changed her answers when we're discussing the questions.
TWICE!
And she got extremely high marks out of it.
Ironically, she told my friend that I am the only person she can't click with.
How could I click with...
With her!?
After I've known her background and stuff!?

She is okay at times, I admit that
But not when it comes to cheating and having high marks
Over the rest of us!
We studied it and stuff and she got high marks.
She can just go to freaking hell!

Stupid bitch.

So,
I'm currently doing my assignments and script
For both my courses.
I need to do it well as it is important and contains
HUGE marks in it.

Why are you such a nice bastard!?
I'm scared.
I'm scared that if you're any nice to me,
I might be drawn to you and it scares me.
It really does.
Stop.
Stop being so nice to me already.
Don't reel me in with those sweet actions you do.
Don't reel me in with those sweet words of yours
And those sweet, unnecessary apologies.

Enough.
The distance between us is enough.
Don't come any closer.
Don't pull my heart any closer.
Just leave me alone already!


Stupid bitch.

#460 You're The Bow As I Am The Violin

You're the bow as I am the violin.

Together; we create music words can't describe,

Alone; we're nothing more than a mere shell and bow.

You're the bow as I am the violin.

Without you, I am not able to make beautiful music,

Just a sprang here and a twang there.

You're the bow as I am the violin.

Without me, you're just a stick,

Unable to dance upon my strings to make beautiful songs.

You're the bow as I am the violin.

We are meant for each other 

As we come in pairs.

You're the bow as I am the violin.

#459 Project Eating Spree

On Wednesday (020512),
My friends and I gathered at college to have an eating spree!
Pow, Pearly, Samantha, Rachel and I
All arrived at 0800.
We then discussed where to it and how to video our project.
Rachel gave us a brilliant idea that we should eat dim sum.
Our budgets are low but if we combine them together,
It was enough.

After dimsum,
They had tong sui.
I didn't eat it 'cause I never liked tong sui.
But it looked good.

Then, we went back to college to rest our tummy.
Rachel had to leave and Sasha came.
We then had rojak and cendol.
It was delicious.
Yet we had it in the rain.
Eugene joined us in the midst of us eating
And we then went back to college to chill.

Eugene left and we had a heart to heart group chat.
We then went for lunch at Paparich.
Pearly had to go after eating
And the rest of us went to college to chill.

It happened (:

Went home feeling happy and content.

I'm sorry for summarizing everything
I feel really lazy :C

It's a great time/day though.

It happened (:

#458 Hope

So, today at level 6,
I was rather depressed over the fact that my
Gal friends are getting prettier and prettier every day and
I'm just... me.
Nothing special,
Short,
Ugly
And fat
And so on.

Friend A was at a vending machine, buying drinks
And apparently he overheard our conversation.
Then friend B went to the toilet,
Leaving me alone sulking over the pretty girls.
When B came back from the toilet,
She was holding a can of soya milk.
B then passed me the cold can and said,
"A asked me to pass this to you,
He told me to tell you to calm down,"

My heart felt lighter and I felt happier.
I told my cousin about it and she said,
"Guys like this gives me hope."

Guys like this really gives every single girls out there a hope.
And it happened to me (:

"He told me to tell you to calm down,"

#457 Suicide

So, I'm having one week holidays and it's the second day.
It's killing me.
I miss college so.

A friend of mine is suffering from depression
And she had thoughts of suicide.

I kinda get how she felt knowing how great the depression is
That causes her to have thoughts of committing suicide.
I tried to console her
'Cause I knew how hard it is to get through it
Without any helping hands of people.

A few advises might not do the trick
But word of encouragement will do (:

Will not continue this topic as it makes me a ted bit emo.

I miss college.

#456 Sob Story

"Look at me!" she cried as she cuddled his head in her lap.
"Don't you dare close your eyes!"

Everyone around her went silent as they watched the two lovers. Only the sound of rain and thunder were heard, not to mention, her wails.

"Dammit! We've come this far, this freaking far!" her armor was not doing a good job from preventing her clothes to get wet.

They've come this far, the war between good an evil. They've won but the payment was great, they're going to lose a wonderful leader, a loyal friend... a lover.

She let out a loud wail towards the sky, her eyes were closed and her heart was tore open. Her insides felt as though it has been violently clawed and teared. Sobs were followed after the wail and his chest was rising and falling.

Rising and falling.

Just a matter or time before he would be taken far, far away from the arms of his lover.

His heart no longer beat as fast, in fact, it's slowing down rapidly.

"I love you, you knuckle head," he managed to choked out as he wiped off a tear from her cheek. He was insufferable that way. She hated and loved him for that. He always know the right things to do or to say to make her feel better. His action would always cause her to smile no matter how much grief she felt in her.

Through her tears, she smiled and gave out a soft half choke half laughter. Sarah, her close friend, buried her face in Leonard's shoulder blade as he comforted her. Her friends around her either cried or have a grim face put on.

"Don't go," she begged.

"I'm leaving, love, I can't stay any longer,"

"Please, don't go," she whispered as she held his hand.

"We'll meet again, I promise,"

"Don't promise such foolish things," she smiled through her tears.

"But I've never go back on my promise,"

"But how can you promise something like that?"

"Miracle happens when you least expect it,"

His voice was carried through the wind along with his final breath.
Her last teardrop landed neatly on his cheek which was then mixed with rain water.
His green eyes no longer has the mischievous light glowing from within.
Her heart is no longer in one piece.

♥

#455 Happening

It has been a hectic week lately
And I didn't have the time to update my blog.
Currently at my cousin's house, waiting for her

So, I'm taking this opportunity to update my blog (:

So,
On Wednesday (250412),
It was Impression Day where I dressed up as a devil.

Make-up and outfit were done by my sister.
Horns and blood were done by myself (:
I scared tons of people. haha.
But while on the sixth floor,
Pow suddenly had P Pain, if you get what I mean.
I was with Pearls and Melissa discussing our project
For Advance Function when Pow suddenly rushed to the toilet.
Apparently, she was vomiting her guts out.
Samantha text me and asked me to go to the toilet
And the smell was nauseating.
I couldn't go near in fear I might vomit as well.
After helping her clean up,
We brought her to the couch to lie down.

Pow kept on telling me she wants to go home
As I understood how she felt,
I began to make plans.
I pulled YPK and Theng Loo in as they can drive
And I pulled Samantha in too to keep company with Pow.

I then asked Theng Loo if he could carry Pow to the other building
And much to my surprised,
He hesitated and said, "Huh? Me ah?"
Pow was in pain and I made up my mind to carry her myself.
She's half a head taller than me and I doubt my strength.
To my and everyone's surprised,
I lifted her up and began to make my way to the lift.
Don't get me wrong,
I was huffing and puffing half way
And beads of sweat formed on my forehead.
Halfway to the lift,
I told Pow I'm going to take a short rest and we continued.
But my legs weren't as strong and I had difficulties to carry her up.
A lady then saw me struggling and she helped me.
I carried Pow to the lift as YPK went down to get his car.
Samantha and Theng Loo reached my destination after
They packed Pow's bag and brought he stuff.
When the lift arrived,
I went in and waited to go to ground floor.
My arms were failing me and
I felt my muscles screaming at me.
Theng Loo quickly took over and
As the lift arrived,
We brought her to the other building and lay her on the couch.

YPK got his car
And with alot of anxiety pumping in him,
He reversed too fast and knocked into a Myvi.
I felt really bad and my guilty concise were screaming at me.
I then piggy back Pow to YPK's car as
Samantha and Theng Loo rushed to Pow's car.
Halfway though there was a step and
I tried to climb but the weight on my back was too much
That my knees couldn't push up.
A loud grunt was released and I managed to climb up
That stupid step.

Placing Pow into the car,
She the asked me to keep her company in the car.
Bare footed, long red dress with blood stain on my mouth,
Without my wallet and handphone,
I agreed.

YPK told me bout the Myvi incident and I really felt guilty.
Reaching Pow's house,
YPK then offered to carry her and I agreed.
When we reached the 11th floor of her apartment,
I struggled with the locks as he struggled to bare the weight.
Finally, he passed me Pow and I carried her to her room.
YPK told me he had to get Theng Loo and Samantha
As they don't know where Pow stays.
I then made calls to Pow's bf, mom and my dad.
I told them all the same story and she's doing fine now.

Pow's bf told me that he'll reach her house in 30mins time
And at the same time,
All 3 of them arrived.
They actually wanted to go back to college
Bu I plead them to stay for another 30 mins as
I did not want to leave a sick girl home alone.
Pow's mom then called back and she told me to get
Some meds for Pow.
Pow the ate the meds and
Later, she felt a bit better.
Her bf then came and we all went back.

I felt bad, really bad as both Theng Loo and YPK
Didn't want to skip classes.
But after making some calls,
They managed to go to classes.

My dad told me I handled the situation with calm
And authority (?)
And I told him,
That I was actually scared.

Beach wear on Thursday (260412)

Friday is Pajamas Day 270412.
And that night
We watched movie.
THE AVENGERS

It was nice.

#454 Falter

Sometimes it feels good to be needed.
Sometimes it feels good to be wanted.
Sometimes it feels good to be loved.

I'm kind of glad to have friends and a cousin to sit by my side
And listen to all my complaints and frustration.
Somehow, I feel guilty of doing so though.

I'm on my guard,
I will not falter when an enemy is at sight.
I will do what it takes to bring them down.

Ah, I'm feeling pretty tired now a days.
My sleep has been neglected and dark circles
And eye bags were formed around my eyes.
Not a pretty sight, I must admit but
I don't care.

I'm going to bed early tonight.
There is nothing to do here (:

I will not falter.

#453 Made in China

So, I had to finish off an essay for my song analysis last night and it took my quite a while 'cause I have no clue what to write. Finally, I was able to finish my essay and I've to turn my attention to Life of Pi. I stayed up until 3-4am reading that book and woke up at6 to reread it. I skipped Malaysian Studies and Advance Functions to study more and managed to catch a 15 mins nap. I managed to do alright but I wasn't satisfied with my results as I had 3 wrongs for multiple choice questions. Later, when we all handed in our essays, lecturer told us we all did wrong as we did not follow the instructions. But she didn't even mention most of the things. Only a specifically person did correctly for everything and the lecturer just had to rub it in our faces. It felt like I've been wounded deeply and salt was poured along with sand that was viciously rubbed on my wound. That is how painful it hurt.

I had to once again skipped Advance Function to complete my work before the dead line. I felt bad as I knew that teacher will teach new topic and I'm left behind. Luckily, my friends agreed to have a group study with me and they'll teach me what they know (:

I know I'm ranting but I was feeling really frustrated and tired the whole morning. The kindle that was usually there was put out. My voice had some bitter in it's edge as I talk and my friend said it was as clear as crystal. But then again, I've put so much damn work on it and it turns out I did badly like I always do. I felt like giving up and giving in. Why stress myself over this when I know I'll get low marks with or without hardwork? Yes, I teared up. My emotions were running a wild and my 'highnet' wasn't there.

She's made in China.
She's the perfect barbie, not the body or what, just the material used.
She's so fake.
She will not last.


I will not lose to people like her. Will not!

#452 Sigh

Reminiscing my highschool life and it kinda surprised me that I'm tearing up. Not due to the missing but due to the harsh truth of how people treated me. I was jeered, laughed, gossiped, bitched and so much more behind my back. I broke down so many times and I was alone. I was always alone. No matter how many people talked to me, I kinda had this feeling of they're real intentions. They put on a smiley face but behind my back, a cruel grin appears and wipes off that smile. I remember the days where I came home crying. I remember the nights where I hugged myself to sleep. My pillows were constantly flooded by my tears and that is only school. Home was painful to live in. Where was my sanctuary? My story books.

I hate my highschool life for it was none other than painful memories that has been burn at the back of my mind. No, I have not forgotten those things people has done to me. Honestly, I kept most things to myself was because I didn't want to annoy people as I know I'm annoying. Because of that, I've lacked social skills and everytime I speak up, my words hurt or burn people and thus, the talking starts.

I then bury my nose into story books and was called book worm or nerd and so on. Whatever actions I did, it was being jeered and laughed at. It was painful and I kinda become traumatic about it.

screwhighschoollifebitch