#72 To My Blog Chatters

Hmm,
Lets see.
I shall start talking to one of the blog chatters,
-
Yeah,
That's the name.
Okay -,
Imagine if you're in my position.
No one wanted to be friends with you.
No one wants to have anything to do with you.
You feel lonely constantly.
It's like a shell,
Empty in the inside but hard on the outside.
But the thing is,
You've learn something that makes you feel better.
And that's the I-don't-care attitude.
But one day,
A person came along and started making friends with you.
Duh,
You'll feel happy,
You though you'll never feel empty again.
But you don't know how wrong you are!

You constantly get in to fights with her.
Every year she seem to change.
Sometimes,
You wish she would have gone back to the same person
You once knew!
All of a sudden,
Something snapped in you.
You have put up so many things!
You tried to be happy for her when you feel bitter.
What other people say,
That I always show my emotions
Are entirely wrong.
Those emotions are used to cover up
The ones hidden under.

Anyways,
As I said,
Something snapped inside you.
You can't hold back anymore.
Every time you see her,
You feel like screaming or hurting her
Because you feel very angry.
So the only option left is to ignore her.
But every time you see her you feel angry
Not to mention sad.

She tried to make everything back the way it was.
But she has no clue what she did wrong.
She got angry at you just because you went recess with other people.
But the thing is,
The first week of school,
You've waited for her after school
But she left without telling you
And you spot her walking away with her other friends.
Tell me
Now,
Tell me how would you feel!?
I tell you how would I feel,
I felt angry,
Hatred,
Ditched!

And one day,
She wrote on her blog
Which COMPLETELY embarrass you.
She said,
She made friends with you because she pitied you!
In my point of view,
It's like she pitied a stray puppy,
Took it in because it was so cute!
Took care of it,
Love it
And one day,
The dog grew up into something
Not many people expected.
It was UGLY!
She decided to abandon the poor dog
Because her friend gave her a better dog.
She replaced that poor dog.
Thew it a side,
And let it live it's own life,
Thinking
Why!?

Pitying a begger is a completely different situation.
Yes,
Sometimes I feel like I don 't need anybody's pity.
To me,
It felt like I've lost
And I cannot cope losing.
And that, -,
Is how I feel.

To Ily,
Personally,
I felt happy that someone FINALLY side me.
I took your advice and tried talking to other people
But it seems like they don't quite understand me like you do.
No offense Marissa,
But I felt happy that someone stood up for me.
I felt happy knowing that I could finally talk to someone
Who really understands me.
Marissa,
You have a loving mother,
You can talk to her about everything,
Do you really think I have the same kind of mom?
My mother would just scold me!
I took your advice Ily,
I tried talking to my mother.
We joked but it seems,
Everytime I tried talking to her about my problems,
She won't listen to me,
If she does,
She would scold me.
So I figured,
I have to keep everything to myself.
And yet,
It hurts so much!
But then again,
I've redevelop the
I-don't-care-attitude.
And now,
I constantly think of walls that surrounds me.
And,
Dear Ily,
I have a special request,
I would like to know more about you.
More than just an adviser
I would like to know you as a friend.

Marissa,
You were always the golden girl.
The girl with talents.
Like I always said,
I'm darn jealous of you.
You get attention everywhere.
You get people's trust!
People's love and much more.
I remembered you last told me
That day you 'ditched' me at Genting
About the room thing.
You told me that you're 'giving me time to think'.
What is there to think about?
Aside from how lonely I am.
Have you not notice I was depressed everytime?
Someone told me that you told that someone
That I was faking to be sick
So I could get more attention!?
As a friend,
I wondered how could you do that to me?
To think like that!
It really shocked me!

I was really having pain,
Physically and mentally.
I tried having conversations with you
But it never really worked out.
It's because he's always there!
Don't you feel embarrass after what you and him done
When we reached at the hotel room?
I was utterly shocked!
You thought I couldn't hear it.
But I did.
I did.
That night,
I've stayed up until 4am,
So you can come in.
I thought,
Hey, when she comes in,
We could talk about today.
But it turned out
Without even a text message,
You have slept with your friend.
You have utterly no idea how I felt.

Yes,
I was tempted to take your bags out and
Ask you to go to your friend's room.
But I thought that would have made the
Situation worst.
So I calmed down.
And ignore the pain that ache my whole body.

When school re-opens,
I thought hey,
Maybe things will go differently,
After all,
A new year,
A new beginning.
HAH!
Turns out
The new beginning has worsen.
I was smashed when I heard you walked away
With your friend after school,
Leaving me behind.
From that day onwards,
I've been walking to the bus lebai alone.
But, hey that's no biggy.
I'm a big girl,
And these kind of things don't affect me.
I think...

And when Jesslyn asked me to go recess with her,
I told her hold on,
We should wait for you
But you were taking so long,
And I started to feel pain,
Could be gastric.
So I said,
Lets go,
They will catch up on us later.
And I thought
You will come to the table.

Personally,
Is it because Jesslyn went recess with me
Makes you angry?
Or is it the fact that we 'ditched' you?
Hey,
You got angry at me leaving you,
Imagine if I left you every single day after school?
How would you feel?
And you're not even accompanied by anyone!
Don't take this too personally.
I'm just letting everything I feel out.
That's what blogs are for right?
Let everything out...

Happy that someone finally side me