#86 Broken Promises

Remember the last time I blogged on my blog,
Saying that I will never ever walk to school anymore?
Well,
I walked to school few days ago, [Thursday 25/2/10]
Due to my lateness of waking up.
Anyways,
I started out for school at 7.30am,
Reached school at 8.00am,
Exactly 30minutes.

When I reached school,
I felt exhausted.
Blisters on both my heels
And I thank God that it was in the morning.
But even if it's in the morning,
It was about 26 degrees.
By the time I reached school,
My whole back was wet due to my heavy school bag.

The most disappointing thing when I reached school is when
None of my friends even have a slight bit of concern for me.
Without knowing,
My dad came to school to check if I'm alright.
Turns out that the clerk went to the chinese class,
They pointed out that I'm next door.
When the clerk went next door,
No one told the clerk anything.
Even if he asked them did I come.
None of them said anything.
At that time,
I went down to call my mom,
To inform her that I'm at school.

HAH!
What a laugh!
I now know that I have no friends at all.
Not on in my class.
Even when my dad asked me if I have any friends,
I had some difficulties answering him.
What should I say?
None, daddy,
I don't have any friends?

No one understands what I am going through now.
Mainly because everyone has friends and not me.
I asked myself every single day,
What the fuck is wrong with me?
What did I do to deserve such thing?
There isn't anyone to laugh or talked to.
There isn't anyone whom I can tell them my problems.
There isn't anyone whom can lend me a shoulder to cry on.
I promised myself that I won't cry over silly things like this,
But the thing is,
That I can't help it.
I can't help it.
I'm alone.
I'm all alone.

There is no one to turn too.
No one who will listen to me.
I'm blocked out.
I don't exist at all.
Somehow,
I feel like I don't belong in this world.
It's like I don't belong at all.

My family isn't there for me.
All I get from them is scolding.
They don't know what I am going through right now.
They don't know what kind of life I'm leading.

Like I said earlier on,
I don't belong.
My heart cannot cope all this things
Yet I have to put a face on to show everyone that I don't care.
I'm sorry,
I can't type anymore.
My tears are blurring the words on the keyboard.
And I do not want to cry anymore.
It will just make me think of more things in my life.

What the fuck is wrong with me?