#332 Dear Mom

I know I'm not the daughter you wish for.
Then again, I'm not a daughter any mothers in this world would wish for.
For, I have every quality in me no one wants.
I'm lazy,
I'm stupid,
I'm rude,
I'm pathetic,
I'm a slacker,
I'm a good-for-nothing
And a major waste of good space.

I'm pretty sure there are many, no,
TONS of times you wish you didn't have me;
To do abortion on me.
That or you would just give me away to a foster home and such.
I'm sure you ask yourself everyday,
'Why do I have a daughter like Kimberly?'
Or
'What did I do wrong to have a daughter like Kimberly?'
Maybe even
'Why am I curse to have Kimberly as my daughter?'
Don't deny it, for I too wondered the same thing.

Why am i born?
Why didn't you do abortion?
Why don't you just give me away?
Why am I not the ideal daughter you want?
I would even beat myself up with many questions about myself,
Questioning myself with questions which I don't have the answers too.
Why am I so stupid?
Why can't I be like everyone else?
Why am I alive?
Why am I such a burden to everyone in the house?

I have low EQ, I have low IQ, I'm no one.
Maybe God gave me life just to spite me and you.
Maybe he was bored and thought of giving me life just to see us both suffer.
You having jie jie is more than enough.
I know that.
You got your hands full and I'm making it worst.
I'm a bringer of everything negative.
I bring sadness and anger.
Hatred and despair.

But now, I hate you.
There I said it or rather write it.
I hate you ever since I'm standard 5.
Remember when I was younger?
After scolding me, you would go in my room
And apologize?
Quite a number of times you asked me if I would forgive you.
I would say 'yes' but do I really?
Or I would just said it so you could go away and leave me alone?
Why?
'Cause I hate you.
I hate you,
I hate you,
I hate you,
I hate you!
I'm never the ideal daughter towards you but then again,
You were never the ideal mother towards me.
Why can't you be like other mothers, mom?
Why?
Oh wait, maybe it's because of me, right?

I made you like that, right?
Then again,
I should face all the blame that is thrown to you.
For I'm always at the wrong.
I'm pathetic.
I couldn't make things right or even do the right things.
You don't deserve to have a daughter like me.
maybe if I'm gone (forever),
You might change and stop finding fault on your own daughter(s).

I'm sorry you have to receive this on your birthday.
Like I said,
I'm a bringer of negativity to everyone in this house.

Happy Birthday - 101011

From: 
The daughter whom you despite alot, Kimberly.