#451 Out With The Old, In With The New

Had a fine dinning dinner with my sister and mother yesterday

At Taylors Lakeside Campus.

Appetizer: Egg tart with cheese and bacon

Main Course: Fish.

Dessert: Swiss Roll

Since Mr Singh no longer will be our lecturer,
I brought my camera in hopes of having a group photo.
He said he'll come in the fourth period
And everyone in the class waited for him in vain.

"Why no Mr Singh!?" Pearly cried to me as she held my arm tightly.
"I thought Mr Singh is coming," Melissa muttered.
"MR SIIIIIIINGH!!!"

Honestly,
I didn't like the new teacher we're having.
Miss Joan, I think.
She's like my typical highschool maths teacher
And not at all funny.
Not the slightest fun was spotted in her.
I could practically hear the groans in everyone's displeasure heart.
She asked us to open a blog
So we could share our journal through online.
Of course everyone protested!
A journal is meant to be private.
Everyone's personal lives and feelings were written down.
True, I'm a blogger myself
But of course I wouldn't want to share my link
Unless people asked from me.
Then again, I would like to keep it as private as possible.

I am much displeased with the way my new lecturer teaches.
It's effective, yes, but it's really, really boring compared to Mr Singh's teaching.
He would teach and later on let us have a
Group study, teaching each other and learning different ways.

Sigh,
I guess it's another way of showing that we should just
Get on with life and not hub on the same thing
Over and over again.

Apparently, YPK and WK have been talking about me.
And YPK told me what WK thought about me.

Emotional bitch.

Okay, he didn't exactly said that
But I can practically hear it from his heart.
I hate my highschool life
And in no way I'll go back to that girl I was before.
I would smile and jump around,
Be happy even if I'm displeased or anything.
Do whatever it takes to forget my highschool life.
Fuck highschool.

On the bright side,
YPK apologized to me for bringing it up.
I told him it's okay, don't bring it up anymore.
But honestly,
His words has been playing and replaying in my
Mind throughout the entire day.
Oh well.

旧的不去`，新`的`不`来.

If the old things aren't forgotten,
New things will not come.

Big words.

Had delicious Snowflake with Amanda today.

She loved it, so did I. (:

Something perfect for such a hot day.
We went to anime club later on
And Amanda asked Pamela about the Maid Cafe thing.
If Amanda were to go,
I feel like joining too.
Don't know (:

Anyways, I'm off,
Thinking of things to keep myself
Occupied. (:

Emotional bitch.

#450 What a Day

So, we had our first Advance Function exams today
And I kinda died when I saw the questions.
It was super tough and all the calculator thing
I crammed the night before then completely vanished from my
Memory.
Thank goodness Mr Singh gave us all a free period
To ask around for things we don't know and such.
I admit, I was freaking out and excited too.
Who wouldn't?
When my friends came up and asked me to teach them,
I tried my best but in the end,
I was the one that needs teaching.
I feel rather sad about it
And to think my first exam,
I did it so badly.
The late night sleeping was a bad idea.
I kinda dozed off in class due to
Lack of sleep and using too much energy on
Being excited.

Had korean lunch with Pow today
And it was delicious!
We had fun playing around in our 'private' room.

So many Kim's being used!
Pearly went nerdy today (:

Haha, a cute nerd (:

I'm off.
Done my homework and I'm planning to catch up
With the sleep I've lost last night.
Honestly,
Being hyper or even pretend to be hyper
Is really tiring.
But I refuse to be the emo kid I was back then.
No way!

We had fun playing in our 'private' room.

#449 Broken

Once broken can never be fixed.

Everytime I come home,
Things will happen.
I feel like a spectator though, not knowing what to do.
But then again,
What can I do!?
If it didn't happen to me, it'll happen to someone else.
We're not the cause,
Technically, you're the cause of the whole thing.
You're the spider that spun web of our anger and hatred together.
You connect everyone's anger together.
You're the spider that then trigger our emotions
And cause havoc to everything.

"Later she'll be like my mother;
Lost my brother."

"She has already lost me,"

Thinking back, I don't regret saying that.
Honestly,
I do things for my own benefit.
I sound selfish but whatever.
That is how I roll.
By doing things for my own benefit.
If I don't do that, how will I get the things I earn?
The only way to do things now is to
Catch every opportunity available
And to use them to your very own benefit
That way, you'll gain things.

The world is a cruel place.
Are you the hunter or being the hunted?


I rest my case.

#448 Realization

I've come to my senses (I hope) that some people just don't change. I have this thing that I tend to think alot. Too much for my own good, actually. When someone told me who talked to them about me, my mind automatically go to the negative part instead of positive. I would have several questions replaying in my mind like;
what did that person said about me?
Did she talk bad behind my back?
What did she say?

I then get paranoid and such which pretty much annoys the hell out of me.

I lost my temper today. I was really tired and my friend kept on bugging me. I didn't drink coffee (smooth move) and I get irritated easily when I'm tired. She then snatched my phone away and I hate it. I bought my phone with my own cash and it's like a 4months baby that still needs to be secure. The fact that my friend snatched my phone away triggered my calm and coolness. I hate it! I admit that I swore, but I did it quietly, of course. I then tried to calm down and all which pretty much took out alot of energy. And it hit me. My temper isn't going no where. I should have control my temper more and to not show the other side of me I wish to hide. It's nothing bad but I find it not nice to... yeah.

Mr Singh's class felt a little bit longer than it usually does. Maybe it was because I'm tired or something, who knows. But at the end of today's lesson, he taught us secan and tangent thing. I admit, I felt mindfucked but it was alright in the end (: (: (:

Honestly, it's no use making excuse to make myself feel better when I know deep down that I'm in the wrong. Should keep my temper in place at all times (:

I walked passby a friend today and I said hi. It hurt me when my highschool friend didn't response to me. Maybe I didn't say it out loud enough to hear but she didn't even glance at my direction. I knew that something was wrong and personally, I don't really give a damn about it. If she's going to act that way, fine by me. Two can play that game. Only, I won't show it out (: and I don't intend to lose to someone like her.

#447 Conclusions

We're like one big group of family (:

It was during Blended Learning where everyone
Went to Student Success room to hang out.
Well, all four of us.

I find college enjoyable but tiring at the same time.
The tiring part is that I have to drag myself out from the bed
Every morning.
And I'm not a morning person, ever.

To me, college is like a tuition.
We go to tuition/college in our home clothes,
We're allowed (kinda) to use our phones during tuition/college hours,
We have fun teachers/lecturers that have ways of teaching us,
Hours are long but it's like a back to back tuition,
Able to meet new people as we go along and so on.

So, in my conclusion, college is somewhat like tuition.
Only, it's a bit more stressful yet fun at the same time (:
I've a feeling I'm going to enjoy college
Yet I know I must be on my guard at all times.
To listen to the words people use
And to watch their body language are my main priority.

Why?

'Cause I don't want things to be like highschool
All over again.
It's the past and college is not a new page,
Not a new chapter
But a whole new sequel (:

I now understand why people kept on
Saying that college beats the hell out of highschool
And I'm enjoying every minute of it.
But like I said,
I have to be on my guard at all times.

We're like one big group of family

#446 You

I didn't even volunteered to help you.
I just happened to pass by and thought you may need help. That was the biggest mistake ever made for the day. Seriously.

I tried explaining it to you for more than 3 times and my patience were at it's limit cause you're just too stupid to understand. When I asked you to explain stuff to me, you would give me the look that makes me feel extremely stupid. Yes, I may ask questions that seemed stupid to you but I asked for a reason. I asked to understand and to know more. But you would fucking shake your goddamn head, thinking why in the world would you have such a fucking stupid daughter who ask stupid fucking questions, right?

I tried breaking it out for you and you still don't understand. I asked you if I could delete the pictures in your pendrive and I swear you said no. So, I didn't and what did I get in return? I got threatened and yelled at. If I were to do things wrongly, why don't you do the whole thing yourself? Not being able to use your fucking laptop is not going to kill me, I could just fail my course and you'll have to fork out more cash to let me continue my studies.

I am not Jie Jie, I don't the the patience to keep on repeating myself over and over. You and your fucking poisonous mouth that spits out venomous words. You and your ego with the size of the sun that swells up in your hot head.

I refuse to listen and talk to you until you fucking apologize to me.

#445 Unexpected Route

It's already April and it's been a while since
I've actually blog.
I had an English exam on Friday (30/03/12)
And it was my first day for anime club.
(Yes, I join anime club for personal interest)
And I'm telling you,
It was awesome.
Loving the people at college.
They are all very friendly
Though I must be on my guard.
After all, it's only a week.
Who knows what do they have
Underneath the surface?

Anyways,
On Wednesday (28/03/12)
Syann and I agreed to have lunch together
And right after classes, I went to find her.
But she was on duty and I told her I'll wait for her at level 6.
So, I went there, surfed the web while waiting for her.
My classes ended at 2.15pm and I waited until 6pm
Which is the time I had to go home.
I didn't have any lunch at all because I was waiting for Syann
To call me or whatever.
I admit that I was pissed and shit
But who wouldn't!?
I lost my appetite and my temper.
I mean, how could I not!?
I've been stood up and not even a text on telling me
It was cancelled.

Fuck.

Yeah, and it was on my first week.
Lesson learnt,
To not fully place a trust on someone.

My dad bought me a new camera yesterday (31/03/12)
It all happened when I accidentally broke my camera.

I put it at the end of my table while adjusting
My silver egg and my hand knocked it.
I felt as though my heart stopped until my camera came to a landing.
It didn't land far though,
It landed on my study table.
But the impact was great and it ended up not working.
Of course I cried my eyes out.
My camera is something I cherished alot
And it has been with me for 2 years plus.
It was always with me and I've carried so many sentimental
Feelings and thoughts with it.
I went crying to my mom and I've calmed down
After explaining it to her.

A few hours later, my dad came home
And he asked me what happened.
I told him my camera broke and I started bawling like a kid again.
He then hugged me and told me he would buy a new one for me.
I cried even harder and managed to choked out a
"Thank you, daddy."

Later,
We went to Ikano to look for my mom's lappy.
Turned out they didn't sell it.
My dad then pulled me to the camera section
And began asking questions about it.
I showed my camera and they said it can be fixed
With the amount of RM400-500.
My heart dropped all the way to my feet
And I finally accepted that I deserved it.
I deserved this kind of things.
Maybe I did something wrong the past few days
And I totally deserve it or something.

My dad then pointed out a few cameras that has
A leica lens.
And my dad called his friend and so on.
I told my mom I wanted to get a Lumix GF3
Which is incredible sexy.
But my dad had other plans.
He bought me a lumix DMX-LX5
Which is a semi DSLR.
He wanted me to take steps by steps.
I almost cried and I was extremely happy.
And once again,
I questioned myself.
Do I deserve this?
Was it all planned out from the beginning?
And I whispered to my mom,
Jie deserves to get an Iphone.

Takes beautiful shots
And I'm still learning bout the functions and such.

See how define my hair looks like up close?
Wow.

I couldn't stop taking pictures with it.
I'm a loser about it but who cares?
No, I've not forgotten my old camera.
I'm planning to bring it to service and
Pay the services with my own cash.
Why?
Because, it's not that I'm a selfish bitch,
It's just that I want to keep on carrying that camera
Until it really dies. (:

Was it all planned out from the beginning?

#444 College

So my college life is alright so far.
Been skipping my lunch meals or pushing it really back (:
My classes are back to back stuff.
It's like
8am - Malaysian Studies.
9.15am - Advance Functions (really  tough)
10.30am - English 4U
11.45am - Advance Functions
1pm - English 4U
2.15pm - Go home.

Every Wednesday is an exception though since my mom has
Extra koko that day and I have no transport.
Am using my sister's lappie right now.
She was awesome enough to lend me her lappie to keep me
Company.
But I have this urge to sleep right now and maybe
Do my homework but since I don't have the requirements
For my homework stuff so I'm just going to blog.
I regretted not bringing my harddisk though.
Contains alot of my wonderful anime (:
Ah well, beggars can't be choosers I suppose.

Why do I have this feeling my friend that promised to
Accompany me to have lunch will abuse that promise?
It's already 3.26pm and she still haven call me.
I think I won't be having lunch.
Fuckit.

I like my classes right now.
The lecturers are funny and I find it quite enjoyable.
Eventhough I don't have breaks D:
Oh wells.
I'm really hungry right now but ah, screw it.
I feel like...
I feel upset 'cause it feels like highschool all over again.
I'm a loser to think that people actually change
When they clearly didn't.

I SHALL GO SKINNY IF THIS GOES ON :D

#443 Beliefs

God is nothing more than a mere system that was created by humans. - Demon King Diamo

Lol. I find that saying abit true. It's from an anime by the way. I apologize for offending you Christians.

I will not apologize to something that does not exists. - Demon King Diamo

If I would change the world to a better place, I will not simply place hands together in my room. Instead, I would use whatever power I have within myself to make the world into a better place. - Demon King Diamo

Oh man, I'm loving this anime (:

#442 Delusional

You're having a delusion, babe. You should get out from it before things go ugly (: