#490 My Dog

"i never said you're cruel. you're just thinking it that way. you don't understand how hurtful to hear YOUR mother constantly telling me to give up MY dog. she may be family but she has NO right to do so. he is part of an entirely different family which does not consist of anyone other than the same surname is my family. you  may think it's the best for my dog but have you ever thought how hurtful it is to my dog? have you ever thought that jerry doesn't want to part us? no. he doesnt have the same tongue as us and does not know how to form words like we humans know how to do. he does not know the situation and it is UNFAIR towards him. when we were moving, you know that jerry always sat by the car door and whenever we opened the door, he would jump in? he is not the type that does that but he missed us so. and he is old. he has no friends but my family. how do you think he would want to spend his last days? sedated by chemicals everyday in the pound? feel lost and lonely? or he might even be killed after a week due to his age. well i'm so sorry for misunderstanding your 'good will' but do you even take the time to bathe your dog? do you pick up his poop? no. your mom complains to me about the way you take care of your dog. you have no right to lecture me when YOU have NEVER picked up his poop. yes. you spend time with your dog, im sure of that. no, i dont spend as much time with my dog. that is because i'm allergic to his fur and my mom wouldnt let him in because he tends to shed every now and then. but i take him for walks everyday, i bring him to exercise. i massage him while bathing him every twice a week, i clean his poop every now and then. i took care of the scars he has on his body, i tried my best to cure him. i may scold my dog but then you dont know how much it hurts me to do that. you may have bought books before you got your dog but you dont spend a single day just to bathe him, you dont deeply understand your dog unless you've gone through thick and thin with him. dont put me at your level. im at a higher level than you are."

#489 Stronger

2012 has passed by.

And I have to admit that I've been through tough times

And such.

With the experience of 2012,

I've come to a decision where I'm going to change myself.

I would no longer show as much emotions

And I will keep them bottle up.

Why?

The answer is simple, 

It is my business and not others.

I will not let other people stick their noses in my business

And I will not cry out for help like I did.

No.

I'll revert back to the form 3 me

Where I stood strong on my own beliefs.

I will be strong and I will be tough.

Anyways,

I've began jogging recently and 

Frankly, I have a feeling 

I'll drop the habit soon.

Gosh.

Like a loser I am :(

Oh wells.

I will not say

I hope 2013 will be better.

No.

But I will say,

I hope I'll be stronger.

Haha, you know what?

I kinda found out that whenever I get

Negative emotions and such,

I'm able to write super alot of shit

But when I'm happy and so on.

I don't know what to say.

I'm so freaking weird.

Anywho,

I'm going to bed.

Nights.

I'll be stronger.

#488 Update

I had alot to talk about
But as soon as I logged into my blog,
I realized whatever I wanted to say seems to disappear.
I'm just being weird here.

Anyways,
I went for a marathon this morning from
Space u8 and I walked all the way home.
Not sure how far that as but yeah.

I kinda jogged too, I guess
But yeah.

Having a sore body right now.
I'm just trying to collect my thoughts right now,
Not really in the mood to blog.

So yeah.

Bye.

Bye.

#487 Oh My Blob

Oh my blob.

221212 (Saturday)
Went to Comic Fiesta 2012 with Amanda.
We queued up for 2 whole hours before we're able to get
In the hall.
It was super packed like sardines in a can.
All I can say is that it was a fun day for me
Even though I wasn't feeling that well.

I've just read a couple of blogs and it made me laughed.
Really?
Over such a small thing and everything turned sour for you.
Wow.
I've never encounter someone that has such strong emotions,
Aside from mine.

I do not want to say much.
But I can't helping laughing over it.

I'm so lumped up (:
Oh!
I've made a new video regarding Adventure Time.

Enjoy (:

Oh my blob.

#486 Flying FIsh

Just now,
I was dipping my feet in my house's pond
And it hit me.
I've realized that in some weird and sick way,
Fishes are flying.

Not the kind of flying you do up in the sky, no.
The more of floating kind.
You see,
Fishes are in a way, fly - floating in their way.
They do not touch the ground (sea bed).
It's funny, really.

If I have the ability to shape-shift into any animal,
I would become an eagle.
I would soar in the sky with no worries
For I am powerful and strong, too.
I will not worry any other bigger flying creatures
To hunt me down as I am the hunter, not the hunted.

I'm going out of topic here.
Back to the fishy case.
So yeah,
Don't you think it's true?
That fishes are 'flying'?
Hmm...

Fishes are flying!

#485 Dead

Man, my blog seems so dead.
I apologize for not updating it much.
It's just that I'm a super lazy girl
And a super hectic month has passed and all.
Rushing with my assignment and such.

Ok, moving on.

It's my sem break and I feel so bored.
Honestly la,
I'm not sure about alot of things.
Grrr.

Anyways,
It's been raining almost everyday.
Got myself a few shots of the lightning

Well,

That's about it.

I'm a boring person in this boring world.

Signing off,

Dead Blog

#484 Guilt

So, we went to Levain the other day (Friday 051012)
And honestly,
The whole thing was messed up.
But it was all fun though,
Won't deny that.

Currently have alot of guilt
Piling up on my shoulders.
I'll think it over once again and yeah.
Pretty short update but ah,
I don't have any mood to blog actually.
Maybe I'll post the happenings in the next post.
Till then.

I'm guilty.

#483 By Far The Worst

I feel like I am the bad guy.

I let my emotions run and later on,

I'll regret being regret on being a bad guy.

Shit.

I have no idea what should I do right now.

I'm confused.

I'm by far the worst human being ever lived in this world.

Shit.

#482 FXCK

Wow, I've only blogged like trice during September.

It's so hard to actually sit down and blog.

I feel like I've been neglecting my blog.

NOOO!
You know?

I think I shall blog every once a week (:

Even if it's full of bullshit, Ima just write it down.

Hmm.

Let's see.

I wanna talk about X.

Yes, X.

X is constantly pissing me off.

Her attitude and her behavior makes me want to scream.

X and I are in the same group

And we're supposed to work together on a project

But X is doing everything and I want to contribute

'Cause I feel like a parasite for not doing anything.

So, yesterday ( 031012)

X went to find teacher.

Pearly and I tagged along.

And after asking teacher,

X started to flipped through her textbook

And I feel so useless and stupid to just stand there.

Then Pearly asked X if she wants to follow to buy

Fried rice and Starbucks.

Then X said, 

You solo is it? 

Then I looked at Pearly and Pearly looked at me

And Pearly asked me.

So, 

I asked Pow if she needs me to do anything.

She said,

No. It's okay. I can do it myself.

I felt awkward and quickly walked away.

Arriving at Starbucks,

We ordered and pay and X texted me,

Saying that she wants to go home.

Then she called

And Pearly picked up the call

'Cause I was putting cash in my wallet.

Pearly told X that we're almost done

And we left as soon as we got our drinks.

Halfway back to college,

X horned her car and she said let's go already.

But the thing is,

I left my bag at level 6 and I wanted go get it.

X showed face.

I was like what the-?

A few minutes later,

I called X, telling her that she should go home first

And I'll take the bus home.

I was kinda expecting X to say it's ok

But X just say okay and that's it.

I felt frustrated and pissed off and so on.

And a few days ago,

Pearly, X and I were in the lift together

And Pearly asked me if I'm staying back.

I said it's not up to me to decide and we both look at X.

X then look at the ceiling,

Pretending that we're not looking at her.

And then later on,

I walked out of the lift first and Pearly told me that

X said

Got car and license already but don't want to drive.

What the bloody fuck!?

It's not that I don't want to drive,

It's that my parents doesn't want me to drive!

Geez! 

So what if X is able to drive right after she got her license?

Some parents prefer to take precautions.

Gosh.

Right now,

I feel rather worried that I might blow up

On X someday.

Ugh.

Sometimes,

I just want to slap some goddamn sense into her.

FARK!

What the bloody fuck!?

#481 Snapped

I'm just going straight to the point.
I cried in college today.

Maybe I'll just start at the beginning.

Thursday (200912)
I had a fight with my parents regarding dinner. It was silly actually but I didn't want to go because I haven finish my project for the next day. Honestly la, I cried because I felt so much is weighing heavily on my shoulders and I couldn't wait until everything was over. I exchanged harsh and painful words with my mother, hurting her more than intended.

Friday (210912)
I apologized to both my parents eventhough my ego was sky high. I've talked to my lecturer about the situation at home and finally, I gave in and apologized. I still haven talked to my sister and I didn't like it. Not one bit. After coming home from college, I had to rush to get ready to go to the airport to send my sister off to UK. But halfway there, my mom realised my sister forgotten to bring her documents and we had to jam all the way home and back. Didn't make it. Still did not talk.'

Saturday (220912)
I went for work at 10am until 7pm. My sister has flown to UK and I went to party at my friend's house, Hooi. It was awesome as I consumed alot of alcohol and went all crazy and stuff. Honestly, I've never had so much fun in my whole life with my friends and I realised there and then; maybe it's fated that I have awful friends last time so now I could cheish the ones I have now. Loo drove me home with his awesome Volkswagon Polo (so excited) and he lectured me about road safety.

Sunday (230912)
I couldn't remember anything when I woke up but it all came to me after showering. Got ready to go for driving practice and got scolded by the uncle over a small thing. Came home, took a shower and got ready to work from 12pm to 10pm. Ita and I had lots of fun talking to each other and so on.

Monday (240911)
I woke up early that day due to driving test. I was so nervous and I didn't get enough rest the night before. But I calmed down and made friends with a girl and we chatted about alot of silly stuff. We were there since 9.30 until 5pm. It was tiring and nerve-wrecking. But after the whole thing, I felt so light and happy. I went home with the happy news and slept. I woke up ay 7.30pm to have dinner, went to the market to change my shirt size and came home to continue with my poster. Sadly, the boss rejected my idea saying that 'there is not enough omph in it'. I felt pressured and stressed as I have done this project for quite a while. I've been wasting my time searching for the perfect background and photoshopped the whole thing in yet it was rejected. I've been redoing this for so many times that I felt I've lost hope.

Tuesday (250312/today)
I went to college, feeling happy and light eventhough I did not study for my quiz. It turned out there was homework on Monday and I did not know about due to my whole day at the driving test. My lecturer scolded me and she said this particular sentence that really hurt me,

"If I were your mother, I would nag and scold you everyday too,"

The reason why I felt hurt is because I've trusted her and told her my situation at home yet she used it to back fire me. I couldn't contain my emotions and silently sobbed during the whole quiz. Right after the quiz ended, I got up and rushed towards the bathroom where I started to cry and cry. I was relief that the bathroom was rather noisy so people couldn't really hear my sobs. And negative thoughts started to flood in my mind like, yes, I'm not as good as Jie Jie, my academy sucks, I'm worthless and so on. The more I thought about it, the sadder I became. Thoughts such as suicide started to flood in and I imagined so many death scenes of me. After I've calmed down which was about an hour later, I realised that dying isn't going to help me. I'm a strong girl. I am tough. I then walked out of the toilet after washing my face and went into class. I listened to the lecturer and quickly bolted to the toilet once again after the class. I couldn't handle the people looking at me when I went in the room. A couple of girls asked me if I'm alright when I was in the bathroom. There was one that asked me when I was waiting for the stall. She saw my face and she said,

"Excuse me, but are you alright?"

I nodded and forced a smile and rushed in the stall once it was opened. Once again, emotions flooded out and I felt so much more better. Then I went to level 6 to meet Pow and we all, I meant all of us including Pearly, Pow and Melissa pretended it didn't happen. My friends (those that doesn't know the situation) asked me what's wrong? I told them,

"Nah, my contacts are dry and I have flu,"

Apparently that little lie worked and Pearly and Pow didn't mention anything when I said that. We joked about Hooi's party and so on and carry on as if nothing happened. But I still feel pain inside. And while crying in the bathroom, I realised that I missed my sister alot. I felt kinda empty but my ego in me doesn't want to speak out. I wanted everything to go back the way it was. I then went to work at around 3pm until now. Ita listened to me and we chat about random stuff. She bought me Chatime which I felt really grateful. She said she felt something was wrong and she kinda guessed. When I arrived the store, a customer antam me and of course, I felt hurt. I shut my mouth and just smiled and nodded at the customer. I think that was when Ita noticed. I'm currently studying while working and I'm brainstorming over the stupid poster. Geez.

That's all for this post.
I'm going to continue studying as my marks are dropping due to the stupid quiz.
Till then.