#378 Back

China trip was fun.
Yet it ended with tears.
Tears of joy,
Tears of sadness,
Tears of bitterness,
Tons of tears.

Amanda and I

Michael and I 

Mary and I 

The wonderful people I've met on the trip.

I look so fat with four layers on.

To top it off, the green winter clothing

Was like a pillow!

I felt like a walking green pillow!

I absolutely love the trip.

It wasn't that cold 

But the temperature dropped slowly though.

We even had a stalker/pick pocket dude following us

In the park.

I was like,

I want to see the dude!

He finally gave up and went else where to pick pocket.

I'm too lazy to blog about China.

After all,

My attention is all on camp now.

We had room service :D

Anyways,

I don't know but I feel abit dreaded about camp

Where else everyone's happy and excited about it.

Gosh.

I'm over thinking once again!

Yi Ling gave me the same reaction 

I gave to myself when I told her bout the camp thing.

Be on your guard for you might not know...

Advice taken.

I shall observe everything!!!

I feel like a robot now.

ZZZZT!

Feeling a bit hype right now.

Something happened on facebook

And it left me with stitches in the tummy.

Anyways,

I have yet to pack.

Not really looking forward to it.

But it might turn out like China. (:

Not really wanting to go

But aching to come back.

I hope it'll be an experience I'll never forget.

In a good way, that is.

ROBOT!

#377 Seriously?

I'm having mixed feelings.
Fuck.
I don't know if I should be sad or pissed off or what.
I mean.
I don't know what I mean.
Dammit.

Reading back the posts,
I've come to an understatement
That I was such a depressing bitch.
Someone who hovers over the depths of
The past.
But then again,
I can't be taking all the blame.

It takes two hands to clap.

Some what,
You're involved in this deep shit as much as I am.
I used to wonder if things will go the way
It should be.
But,
Knowing how naive I was,
Deep down,
I knew it'll never be the same.

Wounds may heal but scars won't.

And I knew I've deeply scared you
With all my jealousies, furies and words
I've thrown heartlessly at you.
Hey,
I ain't apologizing here.
Why should I?
I did no wrong... yet.
Actions may speak louder than words
But it's the feelings that matters most.

Seriously,
There are always reasons to human actions.
And I strongly believe that they did it
For their own particular reasons.
We just have to shut out mouth and open our ears.

Oh yeah.
It just dawned to me
That you'll never forgive me, eh?
Well.
I should be on my guard then (:
Knowing you may strike any time soon.
Maybe not here,
Maybe not now
But it'll come.
Soon.

God,
I remember now how badly I wanted to hurt you.
Fuck.
Haha.
I was so naive.
So the table has turned
And you're on the top and I'm at the bottom.
The small conversations might be hints of
Plotting against me?

Well now,
Like I said,
I must be on my guard and look out for things.
Damn.
I don't understand now why I was so worried
About that thing.
Haha.
It just snap and came to me.
OF COURSE!
The paranoid feelings I get,
It might come true.
After all,
You will never be able to forgive me (:

Salright,
I can live with that.

Haha, you know what?
I'm going to give you a bow;
My hat is tip down for you.
Life took a funny twist (:
I don't understand why I was trying so
Hard to win your forgiveness.
I'm so fucking naive.
I feel like laughing so hard at my foolishness right now.
Fucking naive little bitch.

Oh wells,
I'm going off now.
China and plane trip.
Don't wait for me.

Wounds may heal but scars can't.

#376 China

I'm going china in like another hour or so?
I haven really packed yet
And I feel too lazy to do so.
I'm still up since 6 something just now.
I've been reading my friend's blog
And I have no right to say


Oh hey, break up?
Get over it and done.

I mean,
Who am I to say that?
I've never been in a relationship.
Either I'm not good enough or other people are just
Too good for me.
All I can do is to sit at a corner
Watching people break up and make up.
Sometimes life can be an ass hole, you know?
Ah, but whatever right?

I should be happy and all.
Considering I've never been in a relationship.
Somehow, typing that makes me think
#FOREVER ALONE
Ah, but what gives?
Randomly typing here since I've got nothing to do.
I lost my epic watching anime feeling
Quite a while ago.

Oh well.
Honestly,
I hate being tangled in people's relationship.
As much as I want to help,
I just don't want to be the 'middle man'.
The side taking is harsh and all.
I'm fine, I really am. (:

Gosh, I shall now take my wonderful bath
And start to pack my stuff
And get ready to sit the damn cab.
I don't feel sleepy at the moment
But I hope I will be able to sleep in the plane.
I hate flights as much as I hate contained-waist-deep water.
Freaks me out.

Someone help me.
Will not be blogging for a week, max.
China.
You're going to kill my appetite.

Get over it and done.

#375 Lil Emily: A Long Gone

For many years Lil Emily stayed;
She has lost count of the days.
On the bed the old lady laid
After that incident that happened that day.

The stench finally filled her nose,
From the bed she then rose.
Lil Emily decided it's time for her to go;
To leave her used-to-be home.

Lil Emily went up to brush her teeth
After eating a few slices if beef.
Poor Lil Emily cried for feeling so lonely;
Oh poor Lil Emily.

She cried while eating;
She cried while bathing;
She cried while drinking;
She cried before sleeping.

Lil Emily went out of the house,
Feeling like a quiet lil mouse.
She's determine not to look behind;
Hoping to not lose her mind.

By an untold law,
Lil Emily turned back and saw
How to house stood like and empty shell.
With full of emotion, Lil Emily fell.

Once again Lil Emily had to leave,
To maybe find a new place to live.
Lil Emily's hoping she could find a family of two,
Maybe her new family could be you.

Lil Emily dragger her weary feet
With lil pebbles she began to kick;
Stomping on lil things by the road side.
When people passes by, in the bushes she will hide.

Once again Lil Emily is alone,
Leaving places she once own.
In the cruel world she still walk;
With no one to talk


♥


So, Lil Emily once again rise.
I'm working on the following one (:


Lil Emily, I'm with you all the way.

#374 Bonds

As promised.
A picture of my piercing.
It's alright right now.
I took it off to put medicine a few days ago and
Yeah.
It hurts like.... (:

This is Bobo or it's Bubu.
I can't remember/ recognize.
Anyways, both Shenny and I watch
Barbie and the three musketeers
And Barbie Princess Charm School.
Both were nice and they look kind of stiff.
But it was a nice bonding time between us though.

Nothing much though.
Half way through the second movie,
I felt a little bit sleepy
Due to the fact I didn't sleep early last night.
It's no excuse though.

Send Jerry to the vet this morning.
I was partly in pain to say goodbye to him.
I missed him so.

Another 4 hours till 2am;
5 and a half till 3.30am
Which is when I aboard the plane to China.
I kind of dread it though.
The packing -gasp-
The waking up time -gasp-
OH NO!!!

I can't help but to laugh
And laugh
And laugh
And laugh.
Seriously?
Gosh, my sister called me crazy for laughing.
But how can I not laugh?
It's mean, yeah sure, but I am mean.
It just struck me as funny.

I mean,
Even you can feel jealous
And I thought it was only me.
Well, I shall leave you to your...
Sorrows (:


Just like you left me with mine (:

#373 Done and Done

So, I've finished one chapter of my story (FINALLY!)
And I'm currently having a writer's block which
Seriously suck.
You can read it here though (:
[link]

Think of something you cannot live without
And multiply it by an infinity.
Think of what happiness means to you
Add it to the feeling you get 
On the best days you've ever had.
That's how much you mean to me.

Stupid writer's block.
I know what to write yet I don't know how to put it down.
You know the feeling?

Going to Shenny's house tomorrow (:
We're going to watch Barbie all day long.
It's a girl bonding time.

Call me weird but I don't
Feel like going to China on Saturday.
I know, I know.
I just hate the packing and shit.
Oh wells.
I'm halfway packing though.

I shall go off now.
Going to watch some anime then hit the sack.
Tomorrow's going to be another long day.

Call me weird.

#372 Thoughts

I've read back my posts and it dawn to me what a useless being I was no wait, am. I can't adapt to things and all. I tend to run away, like alot. And yet I did not stand up and face the thing like a brave girl.

I'm, after all, a coward and not someone thought I was brave; fearless even.

I'm vulnerable and I get scared easily and all.

I'm not who I thought I was.

Reality can sometimes suck alot.

I had a dream last night.
You were hurt by my blog post.
You complained to my cousin and you even cried on the phone.
You were gripping tightly on the phone and you hugged your free hand around you; to protect yourself.

I heartlessly look down at you when I pushed you off your feet. I sneered at you, kicked you and walked away like a heartless jerk.

They say dreams are from our subconscious mind. If we thought too much about it, we will dream about it.

Seemed like I've subconsciously gave it alot of thought in it. I'm such a jerk. (:

I'm off for badminton now, using my iPhone to blog for now.

Heartless bitch signing off now.

#371 Holey

I've forgotten to mention in my earlier post 

That I've pierced my ears.

Again.

It's a second hole (:

It doesn't really hurt but the stupid lady kept on

Delaying the shoot.

I squeezed my sister's hand 'cause I was

Expecting the pain and it was terrifying.

Knowing that the pain will come any time soon.

I chose my favorite color, red, for my earrings

And it doesn't really cost much.

Just RM20 for both piercings and earrings.

The pain was killing me inside for the first few hours

But it went away.

I am not allowed to eat seafood for the next two weeks

Which is like another 10 days including today.

That means no fish, no prawn, no... CRAB!?

I hope I can survive.

Worst off,
No sushi.

I've realized I've changed most of my appearance.

And I swore to myself I'm going to lose weight.

And weight losing I will do!

I've got alot of comments on my red hair and

I'm happy about it.

It really felt good when people tend to give

Wonderful comments on me (vain pot)

And I'm happy in the inside and the outside.

My iPhone crashed last night.

I freaked out.

It was because of some stupid tweak.

Bloody hell.

But I've managed to fix it though,

Thank goodness (:

Going for badminton later.

I hope I'm not rusty and shit.

Signing off now,

Going to paint my nails red.

After all,

Red is my favorite color.

I'm happy.

#370 Events

So, I went to the church thingy yesterday (111111)
And honestly, I find it... kind of boring.
Don't judge me now.
Blogs are made to allow one to let out their feelings and shit.
So, I felt boring.
I didn't sleep the whole night before
Because I got myself an iPhone :D

Pictures will be posted up later.

Anyways, yeah,
I went to the church.
My nose was killing me
And my eye lids were extremely heavy.
I kinda half slept during the thingy
And I felt embarrassed about it.
But these kind of talk thingys aren't just my kind of thing.

Throughout the whole thingy,
I felt like an outcast;
A stranger barging into other people's life.
An alien trying to fit among humans.

By the way,
Jess and Shum went too.
So yeah.
I don't think anyone would understand how I feel
Unless that person goes through the same shit as me.
Conversations were awkward;
Listening was awkward too
In fact, being there was awkward.
Was it me the only one who felt that way?
I'm pretty sure it is.
After all,
I'm the outcast.

We went Midvalley after.
Like I said,
Everything was awkward.
I wanted so badly to go home.
Every single minute.
But I have to endure it and not be selfish.
Somehow,
The ice around me slowly melt
And things were okay in the end.
But...

Got myself an iPhone on 101111.
My savings were all walloped up and I left
Less than a hundred with me right now.
I am broke.
And it's eating me inside.
But I'm happy with my wonderful gadget!
It's so awesome,
I feel like I'll die if I parted ways with it (:

Went to Sungei Wang with Aslene and Lip Kent today.
It was awesome as we looked around for Aslene's boots.
We finally found her boots after 4-5 hours and
It was smexy.
Both Lip Kent and Aslene bought tons of stuff
Yet I went home empty handed.
That's what you get when you're poor
And penniless (?)
But it was fun.

I wanted to get an iPhone cover which looked like this:
CLICK!
And a red jacket but it turns out
Both of them are expensive,
So yeah.

In the end,
I have nothing but wonderful experiences.

Outcast.

#369 In The End

So I went to Weilun and Hsiaofeng's birthday party last night.
I felt awkward and so unsocialized and shit.
Have yet to break the ice.
I practically feel like a stranger barging in
Someone's birthday party.
But what can I do since I've arrived?

I mingled around,
Feeling out of place.
Then again, I didn't want to say anything
To ruin the whole thing.
After all,
Aslene invited me and I don't want to put her down.

Smile and go through it.

I kept on repeating it to myself.
In the very end. I had a good time.
It's just a matter of time, I guess.
Pictures can be seen here.
Since I'm much too lazy to do shit right now.

I got my Iphone today! (:
Alot of stress and pressure though.
I mean, my mom kept on pressuring me
And she kept on like talking to me in harsh tones.
Bloody sales person kept on saying samsung is good too.
Sure, yeah.
Samsung is good.
But HELL with Samsung.
I set my heart out on Iphone and Iphone I will get!
I finally got it with a price that'll make me starve for another year.
But I think it's worth it (:
I'm happy with my phone right now
And I'll kill myself if these butter fingers of mine drop the Iphone.
Currently trying to figure out how to load songs in my phone.
Sounds stupid and retarded, I know.
But I don't care (:

I'm a noob and I love it.

Smile and go through it.