#61 Super, Duper, Freaking High Walls

I'm wondering,
If it is alright if I could just walk away from things
And hope in vain that I don't have to face it again.

I tried being nice,
I tried tearing the walls down.
But,
The thing is,
I'm not sure if I'm doing it right.

Stress has kept on stabbing me over and over.
If it's not this,
It's that.

There are some times,
I felt nothing but sorrow,
I felt like I wanted to cry
But I told myself I don't have to.
Sometimes,
I wonder what's it like to be cold?
And I've became one without knowing.

The walls around me are still solid.
But, I can see cracks.
Maybe,
I can't hold on to much.
Maybe,
I'll start to break down.

You said I did not gave you a chance.
To me,
I felt that was a bull shit.
The field trip we went.
We made plans of going to every ride together.
But,
The plans were...
Ruin?

During the holidays,
I tried to forget the situation.
And I've started to make plans with you.
But,
Over the holidays,
It seems like we've lost contact.
I tried talking to you when school re-opens,
But the things kept replaying in my mind.

I tried to run away from it,
But I couldn't.
Yes,
I admit I tried to forget you.
Somehow,
It did work yet it made things...
Worst.

Every night,
Before I go to bed,
I asked myself,
What is going to happen tomorrow?
Will it be the same as everyday?
Or will it be different?
The heaviness in my heart could no longer...
I don't know?
Be light?

You've talked to me yesterday,
And yet,
Stubbornly,
I refuse to reply,
Knowing it'll hurt you more.

I tried controlling every single emotions in me.
But it seems I've lack of one.
Happiness.
My face might have a wide smile,
But my heart it crumbling.
It's like a very dry, dark stone right now.

I feel like there isn't any single drop of tear in me.
No matter how hard I tried to squeeze it out.
I've told myself,
I've cried so much last year,
I wouldn't want to repeat myself again.

But crying makes everything feel better.
Better than punching, kicking or even screaming.
There isn't anyone whom I can really talk too.
Yes,
I've talked to her,
But not all of it.

Everyday I've hoped that I'll forget that it happened.
But there is no such luck.
Yes,
I deliberately walked passed you without saying hi,
Or even give you a glance.
I pretended to drink my water.
It was mean,
But somehow,
I can't help it.

Just like I can't help
But smile when I see someone falls down.
I can't help it but smile when I see someone is in pain.
Maybe there isn't any sympathy in me.
Maybe I'm just a cold heartless freak.
I'm cut of from the world.
Every story has a happy ending,
I highly doubt I have one.

One word turns into a war
Why is it the smallest things that tear us down?
My world's nothing when you don't
I'm not here without a shield
Can't go back now

Both hands, tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
Why we gotta fall for it now

I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for

There is no way out...
Is there?