#64 Let Everything Out

She stayed in her bedroom,
Reading the text her...
Friend?
Had sent.

She felt like crying,
But she couldn't
Or wouldn't.
She felt that she was a sister to her.
A sister that would listens to her problem.

But somehow,
Something happened between them.
Dividing them.
Her friend,
A brown, petite girl with lovely brown eyes.
Has been happy after it happen.
But she herself,
Raven black hair that has been dyed a hint of brown.
Had filled with hatred and anger.
She's loosing all her friends,
Or rather friends she never had before.

She felt lonely.
Everyday she goes to school,
And she saw the angel,
The girl whom she envied.
She was shocked when she found out the truth about the angel.
She pitied her and took her in.
Like a stray dog.

Her heart was heavy.
So heavy that she couldn't lift it up.
Oh why did this happened?
She thought.
Is it all my fault?

The angel,
That doesn't want to be friend with her.
Took her in.
Out of kindness?
Felt pity for her?
Or simply because she want to get to know her?

She balled herself tighter into a small tight ball.
She wish she could just vanished form this world.
She'd rather die and suffer in Hell,
Than watch her 'friend' suffer right now.
She wanted to talk to her
Yet there isn't any cell in her body that wants to.

She's frustrated.
She isn't perfect like the angel.
But somehow,
She wish she is.
As time past,
The corner of her mouth doesn't seem to go upwards
But always stay down or even a tight line.

She has a choice to make.
And the deadline is tomorrow.
Why can't she come and talk to me?
Instead of me talking to her?
She knows that I hate making the first move.
I hate it alot.

She looked at the clock,
It read 12.30am.
She got up,
Went over to her bed and slept,
Holding her phone tightly in her hand
As though she's afraid that it would run away.
And all the messages the would be wipe out.

It was 6 am when she woke up.
Deadline is today.
She got dressed for school,
Ate her breakfast and left for school.

She arrived school in a few minutes time.
She saw the angel walking up the stairs.
She ran to catch up with her.
"Marissa,"
She called.
Marissa stopped and look at her,
She looked surprised.
"I'm sorry,"
And fell to Marissa's arms and started crying.
"I'm sorry,"
She muttered over and over again.
"It's alright, shh..."
Marissa said, soothing her hair.
"Everything is alright now, Kimberly,
You don't have to cry anymore,"

#63 Friend Or Fraud?

Please, I've gone through alot.
I've don't want things to go bad.
Thanks, ily,
I have a feeling I know who you are.

You've talked to me last night,
Asking me to explain myself.
Yes,
And I did.
And when I've found out
Why did you make friends with me in the first place.
Imagine,
If i told you,
I've made friends with you,
Just because I felt pity for you.

How the Hell do you think how I feel?
Because of the conversation last night,
It has left me wide awake.
The things I would do to make it better.

You just don't understand do you?
You said that I sound like I don't want it to be
Fucking better.
If I don't want it to be better,
WHY DID THE FUCK DO I BOTHER TO LET THESE
FUCKING THINGS IN MIND EVERYDAY!?

I'm sorry for exploding.
Somehow,
I think the world is against me.
I have not run out of things to say.
But if I say it out now,
You'll be hurt,
And that makes matters worst.

Okay,
Since I've known you,
I felt jealous of you.
Guys sworn you like ants over sugar.
Yes.
I've felt lonely.
I tried being in your convo with them,
But that was something I shouldn't have done.
It was useless.
You said you've cared for me.
You said I did not care for you.
THAT IS FUCKING BULLSHIT!
I tried to make things better.

I even...
Ask Huiyee to ask Syann
Why didn't she invite you to her party.
I didn't want you to be left out!
And you call that not caring.
Yes,
I've a different way to prove it.

Oh puh-lese,
You said you known me better.
I'm the kind that doesn't say sorry.
The kind that doesn't forgive and forget.
Remember the incident when we're form one?
The one that Andrea did?
I still haven forgotten about it.
I still have hatred in her.
Maybe not as much as before,
But there is still.

You've said sorry a couple of times.
And suddenly,
You wanted to talk to me about this.
Don't you think it's a bit rush?
At least,
You have people around you
You could talk to.
Even if I have people to talk to,
It's not like I'll tell them everything.

My mom doesn't know the half of my life.
You've hurt me last year.
I don't know how,
But it went smoothly,
Better.

In spite of everything,
I felt stupid.
So stupid.
There are so many time how
I wish I could walk up to you
And started talking to you
Like everything is better.
But, I don't have the guts to do it.

Sometimes,
I even wondered,
Why do you really want to make friends with me?
Everyone despite me.
Isn't it better off without me?
Without the girl whom
Does nothing but make you angry,
Sad,
Or even pissed off.

You have so many people around you.
Why did you even bothered
To talk to me?
I'm such a bitch.
I'm pretty sure you'll hate me,
After reading this damn post.

Everything around me is stupid.
Everyday,
I came home from school.
No one to talk to.
I hide in my room all day,
Thinking why did this happen?

My cousin told me to not
Think too much about this.
But somehow,
I couldn't.
Not until I settle this fucking thing.

I want to save you,
I need you,
To save e too...

#62 Dissapointed

I've been invited to two birthday parties.
Sue Jean's and Syann's.
I thought,
Oh, maybe I could go for both.
But in the end,
I didn't even go at all.
I'm rather pissed and dissapointed.
Right now,
Things have been very hard to understand lately.

But,
Whatever.

Pissed

#61 Super, Duper, Freaking High Walls

I'm wondering,
If it is alright if I could just walk away from things
And hope in vain that I don't have to face it again.

I tried being nice,
I tried tearing the walls down.
But,
The thing is,
I'm not sure if I'm doing it right.

Stress has kept on stabbing me over and over.
If it's not this,
It's that.

There are some times,
I felt nothing but sorrow,
I felt like I wanted to cry
But I told myself I don't have to.
Sometimes,
I wonder what's it like to be cold?
And I've became one without knowing.

The walls around me are still solid.
But, I can see cracks.
Maybe,
I can't hold on to much.
Maybe,
I'll start to break down.

You said I did not gave you a chance.
To me,
I felt that was a bull shit.
The field trip we went.
We made plans of going to every ride together.
But,
The plans were...
Ruin?

During the holidays,
I tried to forget the situation.
And I've started to make plans with you.
But,
Over the holidays,
It seems like we've lost contact.
I tried talking to you when school re-opens,
But the things kept replaying in my mind.

I tried to run away from it,
But I couldn't.
Yes,
I admit I tried to forget you.
Somehow,
It did work yet it made things...
Worst.

Every night,
Before I go to bed,
I asked myself,
What is going to happen tomorrow?
Will it be the same as everyday?
Or will it be different?
The heaviness in my heart could no longer...
I don't know?
Be light?

You've talked to me yesterday,
And yet,
Stubbornly,
I refuse to reply,
Knowing it'll hurt you more.

I tried controlling every single emotions in me.
But it seems I've lack of one.
Happiness.
My face might have a wide smile,
But my heart it crumbling.
It's like a very dry, dark stone right now.

I feel like there isn't any single drop of tear in me.
No matter how hard I tried to squeeze it out.
I've told myself,
I've cried so much last year,
I wouldn't want to repeat myself again.

But crying makes everything feel better.
Better than punching, kicking or even screaming.
There isn't anyone whom I can really talk too.
Yes,
I've talked to her,
But not all of it.

Everyday I've hoped that I'll forget that it happened.
But there is no such luck.
Yes,
I deliberately walked passed you without saying hi,
Or even give you a glance.
I pretended to drink my water.
It was mean,
But somehow,
I can't help it.

Just like I can't help
But smile when I see someone falls down.
I can't help it but smile when I see someone is in pain.
Maybe there isn't any sympathy in me.
Maybe I'm just a cold heartless freak.
I'm cut of from the world.
Every story has a happy ending,
I highly doubt I have one.

One word turns into a war
Why is it the smallest things that tear us down?
My world's nothing when you don't
I'm not here without a shield
Can't go back now

Both hands, tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
Why we gotta fall for it now

I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for

There is no way out...
Is there?

#60 A Simple Yet Understanding[?] Letter

Dear You Know Who,
I've read and re-read your message for about five times now.
And frankly, I have nothing to say.
Somehow,
I think that something, somewhere around us has just changed.
I tried to put on a happy face where ever I go,
But the person I've always talked to,
Seems to know better than that.

Yes,
I do know that I've clam myself up.
I always do that when I want nothing to go wrong.
Please don't think that I don't want to talk to you.
But I felt like you have...
Replaced me so quickly.
When I'm feeling sad not to mention angry.

I've talked to Rittie on a fine day.
And after talking to her I felt...
Fine.
But somehow,
It didn't last long enough.

I want things to go back the ways it was.
Before you've met...
Him?

I felt cast aside,
Thrown out,
Pushed away.
I felt nothing but sadness,
Despair,
Angry,
Filled with hatred.

You said that I look very happy around other people.
That is utterly bullshit.
Yes, I may look happy.
But inside, I'm rotting with pain.
I tried forgetting everything,
But the thing is,
When ever I'm alone,
Which is often,
I'll think about it.

It's true I did not cry over it.
But instead, I got angry.
Very angry.
My mother has no sympathy over me.
She even said cruelly to me
That I'm already 16 and yet,
I have no friends around me.
Maybe what she said is right,
About every single Goddamn thing.

How often I wished things would be back the way they are.
If forgetting me makes you feel happy.
Go ahead.
I'll be fine...

Kimberly

#59 Left Out? Or Kicked Out?

I went to SueJean's house just now.
It was so nostalgic!
It's been what?
4 years?
Since I've talked to her!
I missed her so!

She has grown taller and more beautiful.
We chatted for a few hours
And I get to see her cute little brother, Matthew.
We talked about our lives.
And I feel very happy,
Cause I get to see her again.

Anyways,
Today recess,
I sat alone in a pondok thingy,
Near the usual table I used to sit.
It's because it was full.
Actually,
There is two more spaces
But I thought about Huiyee and Shum.
I'm pretty sure they'll buy food to eat.
Not only that,
I'm just holding a Tupperware,
So I could just stand and eat.
No biggy...
I guess...

I missed her so!

#58 So Long And Goodbye

She received a text from her friend.
Asking her to meet her at an alley nearby her house.
She might want to forgive me, she thought.
She told her mom that she was going out for a while,
Got into a cab drove off to the alley near her friend's house.

She was waiting for her.
It has just rained and she wore
Thick black clothes.
Black boots,
Black pants,
Black shirt and leather jacket.
She pulled out a pair of black gloves from her left back pocket.
Slipped into it and lean against the wall.
Her thoughts running through her head.

How could she do this to me? She thought, angrily.
After all I did to her?
She left me?
Leaving me all alone.
Is he THAT wonderful?
IS he worth it?
Worth to forget your friends?
To ignore them?

She put both her hands into her jacket pockets.
She's changed, she thought sadly.
She's changed alot.
So much until I don't know her!
Her fist balls tightly in her pockets.
But, no matter,
It'll soon be over.

She fumbled her pockets.
And finally found a cigarette.
She took out a match box and lighted her cigarette.
She then put the match box back into her pocket.
She took a deep breath of her cigarette,
Feeling calm after breathing out the smoke.
Soon, the cigarette has finished,
She threw the cigarette butt in a drain.
And placed her hands in her pockets.
She heard a car cruised by
And stopped a few feet away from the alley.
A girl in white dress got out of the yellow cab.
She smiled a rather evil smile
And waited for the white girl to approach her.

I wonder why did she pick this place?
This place to meet me? she thought as she got out of the cab.
She shivered due to the coldness in the night sky.
It's so dark,
Not even the moon light could show what lurking in there.
She walked towards the alley,
Not sure if she was there waiting for her.
Suddenly, out of the dark alley,
A dark figure appeared,
And the figure pulled down her hood to show herself.
She sighed with relieved,
And started walking towards her.

She looks like and angel, she thought with despised.
A fallen angel.
She even wore a white dress which suits her brown hair.
A fallen angel,
Which is going to meet her death.

She saw her,
Wearing everything black.
It's like the total opposite of me, she thought.
I have brown hair,
She has dark, raven hair.
She wore black and I wore white.
Total opposites.
"Hey," she said,her white dress fluttered around her.

"Hey," she said, while taking out her hands from her pockets.
"So what's up?"
She looked into her brown eyes,
Is she that naive?
"Nothing,"
She started to walk around the white angel,
Seizing her,
Looking for a vulnerable spot, a weak spot...
"Uh, you asked me to meet you?" she said,
Not feeling comfortable,
She felt like she was being observed,
Watched.

"Yes, I did."
She said and she took a step forward.
Her brown eyes was now filled with fear,
She was terrified, she realized.
That's good.

She felt the wall against her back.
I'm trapped!
She breathing became irregular.
What does she wants from me?
To frightened me?
I have to make her talk,
To allow me to have more time,
To think,
To escape.

"So, what do you want?"
She asked, trying to sound bold
But her voice came out, tiny.
Like a mouse, she thought.
She smiled when she heard her voice.
She put her left hand and on the wall.
"I want you to hear me out,"
She said softly.

"You, ruined my life,
Made me hate for who am i.
Like what my dear mother said before she died,
I'm already 16 and yet,
I don't have a friend in sight!"
She said, her voice dangerously low.

Anger flared up in her body.
"ME!? What does you not having friends have to do with me?"
She screamed.

She chuckled,
It's funny how an angel looked like when she gets angry.
She leaned close towards the angry angel.
Her right hand reached towards her right back pocket.
She then pulled out a pocket knife and covered it in her sleeve.

She looked at her dark eyes,
The eyes that has been filled with hatred,
Anger
And not a sight of happiness anywhere.

"Goodbye, Marissa,"
She said softly in Marissa's ears
And she turned the knife 180 degrees
And stabbed the knife into Marissa's stomach.
Marissa was caught off guard.
She felt a burning sensation in her.
She was terrified of blood and she felt cold all over.

"Eventually, an angel will die too,"
She then took the knife out and stabbed Marissa again.
Marissa started to see spots all over.
The moon, she thought,
That's the last thing I shall see tonight...
Or not...

Marissa looked into her eyes and saw pain
Instead of anger and hatred.
It is as though she is forced to kill her.
With all her strength,
She hold her by her leather jacket and pulled her towards her.
"I'm sorry and I forgive you.. Kimberly."
She whispered and those were her last words.
The last thing Marissa saw was Kimberly's wide eyes,
Eyes that are now filled with tears and guilt.
Then, she closed her eyes.. forever.

Kimberly was caught off guard when Marissa said those words.
"I'm sorry and I forgive you,"
Those words rang in her mind,
Over and over again.
She hold Marissa in her arms,
Then carefully lay her on the street.
Under the moonlight,
Marissa look so beautiful,
Her white dress gave out a glow,
Her hair falls carelessly on her face.

I need a smoke, Kimberly thought
And started to fumble her pockets.
She pulled out a cigarette,
My last one.
She lighted it and walked away from the dead angel.
Kimberly drew a deep breath and let out a puff of smoke.
She looked back and saw Marissa was bathe with moonlight.
I'm jealous, Kimberly realized.
I'm jealous of how she look,
How beautiful she is,
She's friendly,
Smart and funny.
I ended that with two deep stabs.

Kimberly chuckled.
The world is much more better without her.
Or is it?
Troubled, Kimberly walked back to her home.
Halfway there,
She stopped and thought about the good times she had with her.
Guilty tears rolled down her cheeks
While she pulled out her pocket knife.
"Goodbye world,"
And everything went black and dark.

Kimberly was born alone,
Died alone.
She shall be lonely..
Forever.

The end

#57 Anata Namida Wo Nuguu

Wipe away your tears
Anata Namida Wo Nuguu
あなたの涙をぬぐう

And smile through your sadness
Anata No Kanashimi Wo Kaishi Te , Bishō
あなたの悲しみを介して、微笑

Smile through your sadness

#56 Side Split

I told Ben that I'm going to post what happened today.
So as I promised him,
I shall do it now.

Today,
Ash asked Ben to join up for yellow house pompom.
She asked him if he can do some cartwheel thingy
And he said he can learn.

So I said,
Ben can you do a split?

Ben folded up his pants,
And started doing a split.
I sat facing him with my legs crossed.
Halfway through his split,
He kinda lost balance.
And fell towards me.

AND MY LEG KENA HIS.. UH.. THERE!

We started laughing like cow.
I felt grossed out
He felt exposed!

But,
It was very funny!

Laughing like cow.

#55 Lazy

I told Ben I felt like blogging but I'm too lazy to do it.
So he suggested me to
Blog about me being lazy to blog.
Yes,
I feel very lazy right now.

I think I shall stop blogging.

Im a lazy person

#54 A Fun Time Of My Life

Yesterday[12/1/10],
I walked home from school.
Yes,
Straight to the point.
And I shall remind my dear self,
NOT TO FUCKING WALK HOME AGAIN!

It began when my dear mother couldn't fetch me home.
She told me to walk home by myself
Rather then stay in school and do nothing until 4-4.30pm.
So,
Okay,
I can take care of myself,
I can walk home.
It's no biggy.

Until the sun beat merciless on me.
It was damn hot
And I'm not even half way there yet I'm sweating!
Cruel,
Cruel sun.
Half way home,
My mother sent my sister and maid to fetch me.
That's when,
My dear bloggers,
It's when I got pissed.

I mean,
I'm already 16years old!
[Well, not technically]
I can take care of myself!
And yet,
She sent my sister to fetch me.
What the hell?
I'm not a young girl anymore.

I know it's dangerous
But I have my trusty metal bottle with me!

As the results of walking home,
I got blisters all over my feet.
And it hurts to walk.
I blame it on my ankle socks!
Because it's an ankle sock,
It slides BELOW my ankle.

Never,
I repeat,
Never ever forever
Wear ankle socks when I'm walking home again!

Anyways,
Today,
I signed up for the editorial board thingy.
I wanna do something
Instead of being nothing.
It's time for me to shine?

Oh,
Right,
Another thing about today,
I figured out Ben can't roll his tongue.
The poor boy was trying to roll it the whole period.
Later,
When I showed him I can crossed my eyes,
He got freaked out!
Ashley showed him that she could move her ears.
He got freaked out!

Aside from the pressure from
You know who,
Things went smoothly today.
I thank
Ash,
Huiling,
Huiyee
And
Ben

For making my laugh so hard,
I thought my gut would split!

Oh,
Before I forgotten,
Ben's in yellow house
And he's a former cheerleader in his school.
Huiyee and I made fun of breaking his legs
So he couldn't join pom pom!
Ash said,
If his legs are broken,
I know who to find!

It's time for me to shine?

#53 Nani Wo Mitsumeteiru Darou?

Nani wo mitsuteiru darou?
何を見つめ何ですか？
What are you gazing at?

Hohsi de
星で
At the stars

I think the damn clouds are covering the stars!

Nani wo mitsuteiru darou?

#52 Seems So Far

It seems like I have nothing to do but blog the whole day.
That's not true!
I do not 'blog' the whole day!

I'm just..
Trying to fil in my time while waiting for Naurto to load!
Yeah,
That's it.
I'm filling my time!

Tomorrow is a school day.
I don't know if I'm glad or sad.
Going to school means
Homework,
Teachers,
Sleepless days,
And..
You tell me!

My sister might be going to One U again.
Means,
Another attempt to get
Sasuke-kun doll!
I can't wait!
When I have him,
I shall camwhore with him.

Okayy..

That sounds wrong.
Then again,
Everything IS wrong.
Lets see.
Have I done all my school work?
English,
Bm,
Add maths...

I guess I've done all my homework.
Oh my!
I'm such a good girl!

Like Edward say,
Self praise is no praise.
But, who cares?
If you're referring to me,
I don't!

That's my new attitude.
The 'don't care' attitude!
Yes,
Vermin,
I don't care about you guys!
Muahahahahahaha...

Vermin

#51 Blackmailing

Blackmailing is fun,
People do what you want.
Either bake under the sun,
Or go for a run.

They can bring you a fork,
So you can eat you favorite pork.
Or go to New York,
To get you a toy hawk.

They can't refuse,
When you want a tart.
If they do refuse,
Let the blackmailing start!

Only people like me
Has the power.
Let's go for a shopping spree,
So you can buy me a flower!

I wrote that last year.
Edward Leong gave me the insperation.
He kept asking me
Why do I always blackmail him.

Blackmailing is fun!

#50 Power Of The Sun

Come out, sun,
Come to this cruel world.
Come to this heartless night
And shine through every dark shadow
In every corner.

Shine through my soul,
Shine through my pain,
My thoughts,
My heart.

Brighten up the whole world.
Come,
I bid you.
And burn everyone alive!

Toast everyone I hate!
I bid you!
Kill everyone in your way!
I bid you!
Blind my enemies!
I bid you!

Take no mercy!
Dry up the sea!
But let me be,
Your one and only!

Shine through every dark shadow

#49 Loading, Loading, Loaded

I'm currently at episode 151.
220-151=69
69 episodes to go!
I can't wait till I finished the whole series.
I wanna watch Naruto Shippuden.
Heard it's good to watch.

Hann kinda spoil the plot.
He told me,
Sasuke went back to the Leaf Village and
He wanna destroy it.
I hope he did though.
Something unexpected.
I bet that you bet that Sasuke failed.
Well,
Things might turned out to be different.

Argh!
Can't this thingy load any faster?
I'm dying over here!
I wanna watch Naruto!

Screw school!
Without it,
I could actually watch Naruto everyday!
Load
Load
Load
Load!

I guess I'm getting used to be alone.
All I have to do is stuff,
Just to distract myself from thinking about killing people.
Oh!
I tried doing add maths yesterday
And I almost
ALMOST
Got pissed about it.
It's so hard!
Must do more exercise!

69 episodes more to go!

#48 Come Out, Come Out, Where Ever You Are

Right now,
I'm waiting for Naruto to load.
Yesterday,
My sister went to One U.
Help me buy Sasuke doll for me?
I plead.
She said
Yes.

I jumped for joy!
The unfortunate thing was,
When she came back,
She told me it was out of stock!
I didn't know alot of people like that doll.
She said.

Damn girl,
You wouldn't know.
I can't wait to have that doll,
Despite what my mother said.
I mean,
I WILL buy it with my own money!
Yes,
I'm stubborn
But that runs in the family.

I've changed my blog link.
Weeeeeeee....
I guess I got tired of black roses.
Hmmm...
What is behind the black shadow?
More black shadows?

That's something I've been wondering about recently.
Anyways,
Few days ago,
My hamster have a baby.
I told my maid to take out the male
But did she listen?
Noooooooo!
I told my mom and sister,
Did they listen?
Noooooo!
Nobody listens to Kimberly.
And what happened?

The baby got eaten

Again.

See?
This is what happened if you don't listen to me.

Better listen to Kimberly

#47 Waiting For Something To Happen In My Life

I'm running out of pictures to put!
Have to find more pictures!
Anyways,
School is passing by real quick.
Most people have been groaning,
Saying it is as though 5 months has passed.
Somehow,
I feel eager to go back to school.

Weird huh?

Well,
It's 6am
And I'm wide awake.
It's weird you know?
When it's time for me to go to school,
I couldn't wake up in the morning.
When it's time for me to watch Naruto,
I could sleep at 2am and wake up at 4.30am,
Automatically.

Anyways,
The Japanese wording at the top
It's my name.
キンバリー

キンバリー

#46 Friend Or Fiend

Friend
Fiend

Just a letter difference.
It's a small thing,
But a big change.

I don't have to explain what does
Friend
And
Fiend
Means right?
If you don't understand...
Go check the dictionary.

I have no intention of making
Friends whom doesn't want to have
Anything to do with me.
It's not only a waste of time.
But a waste of effort too.

For some reasons,
I've been aching to go to school.
Maybe it's the distractions
Or, the pain I yearn so much for.

Or maybe is that I'm going to see
Haoyii's expression when I'm going to give him
A present for his
Ultra late birthday.
I shall pretend it's for his Christmas present too.

The pain I yearn so much for

#45 What I Want., I Must Get

That sounds demanding.
Anyways,
Yes,
What I want, I must get.
By earning it.

I've finally found how does the Sasuke doll looks like.
Like the one bellow my header.

I want to buy the plush,
Using MY own money.
I mean,
Why can't she let me buy MY own stuff,
Using MY own MONEY!?

I don't care.
I vowed to myself,
I must have that plush...

No matter what happens!

Must have that plush

#44 Everything New

For the New Year,
Everybody has to go to a new school/class,
Wear new uniform,
New pencilbox

.........

Okay,
I have no time to talk about other people
When I am having a teenage crisis.
I CAN'T GET TO WATCH NARUTO!!!
Why must the world be so cruel to me?
I have done nothing wrong
[Except that I hate it so much]
I mean,
I'm a good girl,
[Not really, no]
And I still want my Sasuke doll.

Anyways,
New year,
New hairstyle,
New braces?
New key chain,
New glasses?
New attitude.
New life

Everything is so new right now.
I'm thinking of sitting alone in class this year.
Less attraction?
Or rather,
I'm just being lonely again.
shrugs shoulders
I don' know.

Just in case if Marissa is reading this,
I haven got your Christmas present... yet.

#43 Time To Rise And Go Back Straight To Hell

I can't believe the holidays are going to be over!
groan
I totally regretted not waking up early very morning
Through out the whole month!
If not,
I could have almost finish Naruto
And start Naruto Shippuden!
So not fair.
I am now at episode 138.
Well,
I haven watch it yet,
Still loading.
Heh.
Only 82 more to go!

School's tomorrow.
Means no more using the com for the whole week.
Only once a week!
groan
I haven even buy my exercise books!
groan
Stupid school!

My cousin once told me
That loneliness is very suffering.
You have no idea, girl.
I have been suffering for such a long time.
Watching Naruto makes me realized,
How painful I feel.

I don't know what to do.
There is so many things for me to write
But I have no idea where to start!
Shall I be the one whom sits alone in a dark corner?
Or the one who wants to be popular?

I'm going for the one whom sits alone.
Do you know that being alone all the time,
Can drive you crazy?
Can make you feel insane?

There is so many times that I feel like
Taking a gun out
And point at you and shoot you dead!
I would really like to see your blood,
Splatter all over the wall,
On the floor,
On to my face!

The anger in my heart,
Has turned a red pumping heart
Into a dark, cold stone.
Bitterness in me
Has run though my veins,
Causing me to think dark thoughts all the time.

When I look at you,
Anger boils up in me.
There are so many ways to calm down,
And I chose to think up do many ways
I could just make you suffer
As though you feel like you're in hell.

I don't think I can type anymore.
Any longer,
I could spoil the keyboard by smashing it with my fist.
Sorrow and Grief
Are now part of me...

Sit alone in a dark corner,
Watching you with hatred burning in my eyes

#42 Early Morning Series

Now a days my life has been so horrible.
Both mom and sister slapped me across the face.
Total slap,
3
In two days time.

Somehow,
It doesn't hurt,
Well,
Not much anyways.
All I could do was to try and hold back
The anger in me.
The anger that I could no longer control.
You have no fucking idea
How much I wanted to break their hands at that moment.

So, right now,
All I could do is to ignore her.

Yesterday,
I went for blood test.
It's no biggy.
It stings,
Yes,
But hurt?
Hell no!

She tried to talk to me,
Asking me does it hurt.
Since when did we started talking?
Since when peace suddenly came?
I ignored her.
When she took her test,
She closed her eyes
And started whimpering.
How pathetic!
The next thing I know,
It's that she was crying.
I felt a tug at the side of my mouth.
No longer in control of my smirk.
I walked out of the room
Towards my mother,
Smirking all the way.

Hell!
If you think I'm mean,
That woman deserves it!
Ain't my fault she's afraid of needles.
Hey!
I took it too,
And I'm not so keen bout it either!

At night,
I was watching 1408.
It's some ghost movie.
Not really frightening though.
She went upstairs to do her nails
Because she's scared to watch.
-rolls eyes-
I know!
After doing her nails,
She came downstairs,
Stood for a little while,
Her eyes on the television,
And she started screaming.
What the hell!?

My mother asked her
Whats wrong with her now a days.
Finally!
My mother noticed!
My sister just shrugged and said something.
I blocked out her voice and concentrate at the movie.

Uh,
I'm too lazy to write.
I shall resume watching Naruto.

What the hell