Wednesday, December 28, 2011

#378 Back


China trip was fun.
Yet it ended with tears.
Tears of joy,
Tears of sadness,
Tears of bitterness,
Tons of tears.

Amanda and I
Michael and I 
Mary and I 
The wonderful people I've met on the trip.
I look so fat with four layers on.
To top it off, the green winter clothing
Was like a pillow!
I felt like a walking green pillow!

I absolutely love the trip.
It wasn't that cold 
But the temperature dropped slowly though.
We even had a stalker/pick pocket dude following us
In the park.
I was like,
I want to see the dude!
He finally gave up and went else where to pick pocket.

I'm too lazy to blog about China.
After all,
My attention is all on camp now.


We had room service :D
Anyways,
I don't know but I feel abit dreaded about camp
Where else everyone's happy and excited about it.
Gosh.
I'm over thinking once again!
Yi Ling gave me the same reaction 
I gave to myself when I told her bout the camp thing.

Be on your guard for you might not know...

Advice taken.
I shall observe everything!!!
I feel like a robot now.
ZZZZT!

Feeling a bit hype right now.
Something happened on facebook
And it left me with stitches in the tummy.

Anyways,
I have yet to pack.
Not really looking forward to it.
But it might turn out like China. (:
Not really wanting to go
But aching to come back.

I hope it'll be an experience I'll never forget.
In a good way, that is.

ROBOT!

Saturday, December 17, 2011

#377 Seriously?


I'm having mixed feelings.
Fuck.
I don't know if I should be sad or pissed off or what.
I mean.
I don't know what I mean.
Dammit.

Reading back the posts,
I've come to an understatement
That I was such a depressing bitch.
Someone who hovers over the depths of
The past.
But then again,
I can't be taking all the blame.

It takes two hands to clap.

Some what,
You're involved in this deep shit as much as I am.
I used to wonder if things will go the way
It should be.
But,
Knowing how naive I was,
Deep down,
I knew it'll never be the same.

Wounds may heal but scars won't.

And I knew I've deeply scared you
With all my jealousies, furies and words
I've thrown heartlessly at you.
Hey,
I ain't apologizing here.
Why should I?
I did no wrong... yet.
Actions may speak louder than words
But it's the feelings that matters most.

Seriously,
There are always reasons to human actions.
And I strongly believe that they did it
For their own particular reasons.
We just have to shut out mouth and open our ears.

Oh yeah.
It just dawned to me
That you'll never forgive me, eh?
Well.
I should be on my guard then (:
Knowing you may strike any time soon.
Maybe not here,
Maybe not now
But it'll come.
Soon.

God,
I remember now how badly I wanted to hurt you.
Fuck.
Haha.
I was so naive.
So the table has turned
And you're on the top and I'm at the bottom.
The small conversations might be hints of
Plotting against me?

Well now,
Like I said,
I must be on my guard and look out for things.
Damn.
I don't understand now why I was so worried
About that thing.
Haha.
It just snap and came to me.
OF COURSE!
The paranoid feelings I get,
It might come true.
After all,
You will never be able to forgive me (:

Salright,
I can live with that.

Haha, you know what?
I'm going to give you a bow;
My hat is tip down for you.
Life took a funny twist (:
I don't understand why I was trying so
Hard to win your forgiveness.
I'm so fucking naive.
I feel like laughing so hard at my foolishness right now.
Fucking naive little bitch.

Oh wells,
I'm going off now.
China and plane trip.
Don't wait for me.

Wounds may heal but scars can't.

#376 China


I'm going china in like another hour or so?
I haven really packed yet
And I feel too lazy to do so.
I'm still up since 6 something just now.
I've been reading my friend's blog
And I have no right to say


Oh hey, break up?
Get over it and done.

I mean,
Who am I to say that?
I've never been in a relationship.
Either I'm not good enough or other people are just
Too good for me.
All I can do is to sit at a corner
Watching people break up and make up.
Sometimes life can be an ass hole, you know?
Ah, but whatever right?

I should be happy and all.
Considering I've never been in a relationship.
Somehow, typing that makes me think
#FOREVER ALONE
Ah, but what gives?
Randomly typing here since I've got nothing to do.
I lost my epic watching anime feeling
Quite a while ago.

Oh well.
Honestly,
I hate being tangled in people's relationship.
As much as I want to help,
I just don't want to be the 'middle man'.
The side taking is harsh and all.
I'm fine, I really am. (:

Gosh, I shall now take my wonderful bath
And start to pack my stuff
And get ready to sit the damn cab.
I don't feel sleepy at the moment
But I hope I will be able to sleep in the plane.
I hate flights as much as I hate contained-waist-deep water.
Freaks me out.

Someone help me.
Will not be blogging for a week, max.
China.
You're going to kill my appetite.

Get over it and done.

#375 Lil Emily: A Long Gone


For many years Lil Emily stayed;
She has lost count of the days.
On the bed the old lady laid
After that incident that happened that day.

The stench finally filled her nose,
From the bed she then rose.
Lil Emily decided it's time for her to go;
To leave her used-to-be home.

Lil Emily went up to brush her teeth
After eating a few slices if beef.
Poor Lil Emily cried for feeling so lonely;
Oh poor Lil Emily.

She cried while eating;
She cried while bathing;
She cried while drinking;
She cried before sleeping.

Lil Emily went out of the house,
Feeling like a quiet lil mouse.
She's determine not to look behind;
Hoping to not lose her mind.

By an untold law,
Lil Emily turned back and saw
How to house stood like and empty shell.
With full of emotion, Lil Emily fell.

Once again Lil Emily had to leave,
To maybe find a new place to live.
Lil Emily's hoping she could find a family of two,
Maybe her new family could be you.

Lil Emily dragger her weary feet
With lil pebbles she began to kick;
Stomping on lil things by the road side.
When people passes by, in the bushes she will hide.

Once again Lil Emily is alone,
Leaving places she once own.
In the cruel world she still walk;
With no one to talk






So, Lil Emily once again rise.
I'm working on the following one (:


Lil Emily, I'm with you all the way.

Friday, December 16, 2011

#374 Bonds


As promised.
A picture of my piercing.
It's alright right now.
I took it off to put medicine a few days ago and
Yeah.
It hurts like.... (:


This is Bobo or it's Bubu.
I can't remember/ recognize.
Anyways, both Shenny and I watch
Barbie and the three musketeers
And Barbie Princess Charm School.
Both were nice and they look kind of stiff.
But it was a nice bonding time between us though.

Nothing much though.
Half way through the second movie,
I felt a little bit sleepy
Due to the fact I didn't sleep early last night.
It's no excuse though.

Send Jerry to the vet this morning.
I was partly in pain to say goodbye to him.
I missed him so.


Another 4 hours till 2am;
5 and a half till 3.30am
Which is when I aboard the plane to China.
I kind of dread it though.
The packing -gasp-
The waking up time -gasp-
OH NO!!!


I can't help but to laugh
And laugh
And laugh
And laugh.
Seriously?
Gosh, my sister called me crazy for laughing.
But how can I not laugh?
It's mean, yeah sure, but I am mean.
It just struck me as funny.

I mean,
Even you can feel jealous
And I thought it was only me.
Well, I shall leave you to your...
Sorrows (:


Just like you left me with mine (:

Thursday, December 15, 2011

#373 Done and Done


So, I've finished one chapter of my story (FINALLY!)
And I'm currently having a writer's block which
Seriously suck.
You can read it here though (:
[link]

Think of something you cannot live without
And multiply it by an infinity.
Think of what happiness means to you
Add it to the feeling you get 
On the best days you've ever had.
That's how much you mean to me.

Stupid writer's block.
I know what to write yet I don't know how to put it down.
You know the feeling?

Going to Shenny's house tomorrow (:
We're going to watch Barbie all day long.
It's a girl bonding time.

Call me weird but I don't
Feel like going to China on Saturday.
I know, I know.
I just hate the packing and shit.
Oh wells.
I'm halfway packing though.

I shall go off now.
Going to watch some anime then hit the sack.
Tomorrow's going to be another long day.

Call me weird.

#372 Thoughts


I've read back my posts and it dawn to me what a useless being I was no wait, am. I can't adapt to things and all. I tend to run away, like alot. And yet I did not stand up and face the thing like a brave girl.

I'm, after all, a coward and not someone thought I was brave; fearless even.

I'm vulnerable and I get scared easily and all.

I'm not who I thought I was.

Reality can sometimes suck alot.

I had a dream last night.
You were hurt by my blog post.
You complained to my cousin and you even cried on the phone.
You were gripping tightly on the phone and you hugged your free hand around you; to protect yourself.

I heartlessly look down at you when I pushed you off your feet. I sneered at you, kicked you and walked away like a heartless jerk.

They say dreams are from our subconscious mind. If we thought too much about it, we will dream about it.

Seemed like I've subconsciously gave it alot of thought in it. I'm such a jerk. (:

I'm off for badminton now, using my iPhone to blog for now.

Heartless bitch signing off now.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

#371 Holey


I've forgotten to mention in my earlier post 
That I've pierced my ears.
Again.
It's a second hole (:
It doesn't really hurt but the stupid lady kept on
Delaying the shoot.
I squeezed my sister's hand 'cause I was
Expecting the pain and it was terrifying.
Knowing that the pain will come any time soon.

I chose my favorite color, red, for my earrings
And it doesn't really cost much.
Just RM20 for both piercings and earrings.
The pain was killing me inside for the first few hours
But it went away.

I am not allowed to eat seafood for the next two weeks
Which is like another 10 days including today.
That means no fish, no prawn, no... CRAB!?
I hope I can survive.
Worst off,
No sushi.

I've realized I've changed most of my appearance.
And I swore to myself I'm going to lose weight.
And weight losing I will do!
I've got alot of comments on my red hair and
I'm happy about it.
It really felt good when people tend to give
Wonderful comments on me (vain pot)
And I'm happy in the inside and the outside.

My iPhone crashed last night.
I freaked out.
It was because of some stupid tweak.
Bloody hell.

But I've managed to fix it though,
Thank goodness (:

Going for badminton later.
I hope I'm not rusty and shit.
Signing off now,
Going to paint my nails red.

After all,
Red is my favorite color.

I'm happy.

Monday, December 12, 2011

#370 Events


So, I went to the church thingy yesterday (111111)
And honestly, I find it... kind of boring.
Don't judge me now.
Blogs are made to allow one to let out their feelings and shit.
So, I felt boring.
I didn't sleep the whole night before
Because I got myself an iPhone :D

Pictures will be posted up later.

Anyways, yeah,
I went to the church.
My nose was killing me
And my eye lids were extremely heavy.
I kinda half slept during the thingy
And I felt embarrassed about it.
But these kind of talk thingys aren't just my kind of thing.

Throughout the whole thingy,
I felt like an outcast;
A stranger barging into other people's life.
An alien trying to fit among humans.

By the way,
Jess and Shum went too.
So yeah.
I don't think anyone would understand how I feel
Unless that person goes through the same shit as me.
Conversations were awkward;
Listening was awkward too
In fact, being there was awkward.
Was it me the only one who felt that way?
I'm pretty sure it is.
After all,
I'm the outcast.

We went Midvalley after.
Like I said,
Everything was awkward.
I wanted so badly to go home.
Every single minute.
But I have to endure it and not be selfish.
Somehow,
The ice around me slowly melt
And things were okay in the end.
But...




Got myself an iPhone on 101111.
My savings were all walloped up and I left
Less than a hundred with me right now.
I am broke.
And it's eating me inside.
But I'm happy with my wonderful gadget!
It's so awesome,
I feel like I'll die if I parted ways with it (:


Went to Sungei Wang with Aslene and Lip Kent today.
It was awesome as we looked around for Aslene's boots.
We finally found her boots after 4-5 hours and
It was smexy.
Both Lip Kent and Aslene bought tons of stuff
Yet I went home empty handed.
That's what you get when you're poor
And penniless (?)
But it was fun.

I wanted to get an iPhone cover which looked like this:
CLICK!
And a red jacket but it turns out
Both of them are expensive,
So yeah.

In the end,
I have nothing but wonderful experiences.




Outcast.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

#369 In The End


So I went to Weilun and Hsiaofeng's birthday party last night.
I felt awkward and so unsocialized and shit.
Have yet to break the ice.
I practically feel like a stranger barging in
Someone's birthday party.
But what can I do since I've arrived?

I mingled around,
Feeling out of place.
Then again, I didn't want to say anything
To ruin the whole thing.
After all,
Aslene invited me and I don't want to put her down.

Smile and go through it.

I kept on repeating it to myself.
In the very end. I had a good time.
It's just a matter of time, I guess.
Pictures can be seen here.
Since I'm much too lazy to do shit right now.


I got my Iphone today! (:
Alot of stress and pressure though.
I mean, my mom kept on pressuring me
And she kept on like talking to me in harsh tones.
Bloody sales person kept on saying samsung is good too.
Sure, yeah.
Samsung is good.
But HELL with Samsung.
I set my heart out on Iphone and Iphone I will get!
I finally got it with a price that'll make me starve for another year.
But I think it's worth it (:
I'm happy with my phone right now
And I'll kill myself if these butter fingers of mine drop the Iphone.
Currently trying to figure out how to load songs in my phone.
Sounds stupid and retarded, I know.
But I don't care (:

I'm a noob and I love it.

Smile and go through it.

Friday, December 9, 2011

#368 Call Me Red


As you can see, I've dyed my hair today!
And I've cleaned my study room and all.
Seriously alot of unwanted and used books to sell off.
Plus, most of the exercise books have been used half way.

I feel so tired right now.
Had a late night last night and all.
Maybe I'm going to take a short nap.
Aslene invited me to Hsiao Feng and Wei Lun's
Birthday party today! (:
It was totally out of the blue and unexpected.
She told me not to tell anyone since it's a surprise.
I feel extremely nervous and scared at the moment.
I mean,
What if things go awkward.
You know what?
I'm not going to think too much and all.
And I'm going to have a time of my life (:

Sri Nobel pals invited me to many events
But it's all clashed one way or another.
Seriously.
I feel bad for not being able to go to their
Parties and all.
Clash with my badminton time and all!

Will totally make it up to them, I swear.


You can see the dye under the sun.

Going to have a power nap now.
Ciao my fellow (if there's any) blog readers.
And yes, I've decided.
Will give her a text later.
Why would I want to keep on thinking about it
When I can just go for it.

Red.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

#367 Uni the Corn


So, I've cleared my room today and
I threw away alot of junk and so on.
Was pretty please with myself for clearing my room.
but it was only portion of my room though.
Still.

Went for badminton today
And I was embarrassed by myself.
Seriously.
Don't feel like talking about it now though.
Wanna continue with my story.
Very the semangat right now (:

Still thinking about it.
Being very indecisive right now.

Give me a sign.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

#366 Weightless


Extremely tired today.
Just got home and took a wonderful cool bath.
Woke up at 8 in the morning today, took a bath and
Get ready to go to KL.
Went to fetch my mom's friend and her kids around 10 am
And the whole thing was so awkward.
I mean,
It was extremely tough for me to struck a conversation with
A 13 year old and a 10 year old kids.
So, we all sat in awkwardness.
I don't mind, really.
I mean, it's their lost :D

Anyways,
We walked at Chee Chiong Kai for 3 hours(?)
Totally regretted wearing my converse.
Somehow it's still pinching my toes since two years ago.
Like what the hell?
It's big yet it still pinches after many times of seasoning.

Came home around 5 in the evening
And I was dead tired due to the late night last night.
Rest for half an hour and went to IPC with sister
For dinner.
Honestly,
I felt like a zombie;
Lunging around the shopping complex,
Dragging my weary feet along with me.
There was one point I yawned 3 times in every half an hour.

In the end,
I didn't get to dye my freaking hair.
Going to talk to my dad about LowYatt later though.
After my cousin's father leave.

Freaking tired.
Might hit the sack earlier tonight.
After all,
4 hours of badminton tomorrow.
I feel so excited for it!

Ah, I love badminton.

#365 Paper Scars


EVERYONE SHALL NOW KNOW MY FULL NAME!

Fall into pairs like two ugly fish 
Too rare for extinction, I know 
The veins in your hand felt sort of like summer 
Calm to the touch oh no 
And my god how did we survive the paper scars 
Oh, bless my stars 
You said you’re sorry

I find the lyrics quite sad.
And the song is quite short.
Meaningful too though.
It's called Paper Scars by Lovedrug.

Fall into pairs like two ugly fish
Too rare for extinction I know
The veins in your hand felt sort of like summer
Calm to the touch oh no
And my god how did we survive the paper scars
Oh, bless my stars
You said you’re sorry

#364 Reflect


It's obviously a sticker pasted on my nail :3
I adore kittehs :D

So, I'm going to KL tomorrow
Just for the heck of it, I guess
Since I can't go to OU with my friends and all.
Due to no transport.

Well,
My red hair is going to be pushed to Friday and not tomorrow.
Mom's not free and all that crap.
Oh wells,
Another two more days, I can live (:
Might be going to LowYatt this Saturday though.
Ima go Iphone hunting and all.
Still thinking if I should get second hand or what.

Marissa invited me to go to her church this Sunday.
Pressure.
I'm not sure if I'm going though.
I'm pretty sure I'll feel awkward and out of place and all.
I... I don't know what to do!!!
I'm not sure if the choices I will make will be the right one.
Sure, I want to have fun and all
But... yeah.
To top it off,
It's freaking 7am in the morning.
This brought back a memory I once shared with her.

We planned to go for her church talk thing
And I couldn't wake up.
Make it both my mom and I couldn't wake up that morning.
My mom was supposed to drive me to her house.
Yet we could not wake up.
Finally, M called me and I found out it might be too late
Considering I have to bath and all.
So, her mom decided to fetch me and yeah.
It worked out.
We went to have subway (FOR THE FIRST TIME)
At Midvalley (IN SO MANY YEARS!)
I was a happy bitch at that time.
Not much of the emoness and all.
It was, after all, form 2.
14, my favorite time.
15 was like hell and 16 was like an outcast.
17 transfered and well.
I'm like this.
Realizing most of my mistakes and all.

By the way,
My dad bought me a 16gb memory card for my camera
Due to the fact my old memory card isn't big enough
And I was afraid I could not take enough pictures and all.
So, yeah.
Going to pay him back though.
I feel so bad.

Don't feel like updating now.
Haha.
Talking to my pals (:
Yes, I have pals.
And I've updated my story blog.
Please go visit (:

Love you, readers (if I have any).
And I'm going to think about the church thing tonight.

I adore kittehs.

Monday, December 5, 2011

#363 It's Over




I now know why I was obsessed with dragons last time.
Beautiful creatures.
They can be mysterious and dangerous at the same time.
Beautiful and magnificent.

Anyways,
I'm here to announce to anyone that's reading my blog,
I'M DONE WITH SPM BABEH! 
WOOHOO!
Now that done,
I'm going to focus on cleaning my room
And getting my Iphone (:

Anyways,
I had a dream about you last night.
You were a completely different person.
Someone whom actually apologized for your wrong doings.
You knelt in front of me,
Asking me to have a heart and forgive you.
And miraculously I did.
Weird, huh?

I dreamt that you showed me your
Drawings of wedding pictures,
I dreamt that you're humble
And you didn't keep all to yourself.
Instead, you opened up and shared with me
And I to you too.

I'm not sure if it's a yearning or something
But I highly doubt that you'll do that in real life.
After all,
Like I said,
I dreamt it all.

It was spontaneous,
Really.
Totally out of the blue.

Iphone (:

Saturday, December 3, 2011

#362 Bored


Feeling extremely lazy at the moment.
I don't feel like studying and my tummy's acting weird.
I'm pretty sure I'll hardcore accounts tomorrow.
On Monday,
I plan to wake up at 7am,
Clear my room all the way until 9am or something
And then sleep, wake up at 10 and get ready to got to school
For exam.
I'm not sure if I'm able to make it for badminton though :/
But then again,
I want to clear my room as fast as possible :D
To get my wonderful iphone.
Hee.
Going to dye my hair red on Wednesday.
Well,
I hope it'll look good though
'Cause I'm planning on using half the bottle and not full
So it won't look that weird and shit.

I'm going to continue my story (:
Which is coming in smoothly.
Having a writer's block at the moment though.
Thinking on what to write next!

____━━____┓━╭━━━━╮
____━━____┗┓|::::::^━━^
____━━____━┗|:::::|。◕‿‿­­­­◕。| Nyan Nyan Cat
____━━____━━╰O-O----O-O

KITTY 

Friday, December 2, 2011

#361 Finally


So, I've finished one chapter of my story (finally!)
And I'm quite happy about it.
Now for brain storming my way through wonderful accounts (:
Which I'll do it later (obviously)
I'm currently brain storming on my now chapter.
Not sure how to start it but I'm pretty sure I know how to end it.

Had accounts tuition just now.
Honestly, I'm pretty happy I actually went to tuition.
It means more homework but it also means
I can have great results.
I feel like a nerd now.
A pretty nerd.
Haha.
Self boosting here (:


Yuya Mastushita 

Thursday, December 1, 2011

#360 Night God


It means in chinese,
Night God Moon.
Yagami Light.
His name is just so wonderful and ironic.
Freaking love him so (:
I'm going crazy.
Anyways,
I'm gonna continue my story since I don't have
My harddisk with me at the moment (:
Recommending awesome animes to my friend (:
I'm going to make her be a fan of it!
Bwahaha.


Nothing much to write though.
I'm so going to fail Perdagangan.
Well, on the bright side,
I'm not taking business for college or what so ever.
Bye bye stupid accounts :D
You made me feel like suiciding (:

Nothing much to pour out at the moment.
Heh.
OH!
Badminton today was so effing awesome (:
Thanks Yi Ling (:
I feel so damn powerful after training with you
Even if it's only for a while.
I put counter pain on my sore areas but I'm
Prepared for tomorrow.

Come what may.

Your dad told me (:
Badminton forever.
Haha.

Night God.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

#359 Jealousy




I sometimes envy people alot.
Like seriously alot.
That is part of my weakness, I guess.
To feel oh so jealous easily.

What can I do?

#358 Spoiler


SO UNEXPECTED!
FUCKING TERU MIKAMI JUST HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING!
WHY CAN'T HE JUST FREAKING LISTEN TO LIGHT'S ORDER!
SCREW HIM!
HE RUINED EVERYTHING!
HE CAUSED LIGHT'S DEATH!
ARRRGH!
NONONONO!

Why must the good guys always win?
Give the bad guys some slack, will ya?
After all,
Yagami Light isn't really a bad guy.
I mean,
He tried to make the world a  far better place
Just using this advantage he was given to.
Why can't those people accept that?
I hate them.
Stupid nitwitts.

By the way,
Love Light's hairstyle.
One of the cutest ever seen on anime (:
He totally lost his cool on the last episode.
He was caught and shit.



His normal smile (:



His evil smile.
Kekeke.

When he was doing the countdown.


I actually followed the countdown cause it was really exciting.
I wanted the white haired dude (Near) to die so badly.
His new laugh makes me wanna laugh too (:


HEE.
Enjoy.
Love Light or I'll write you in my Death Note (:

Light

Monday, November 28, 2011

#357 Leap


I took that quite a long time ago.
Was experimenting with my camera, I guess.
I'm thinking of taking up a job during the hols.
Not sure yet but yeah.


L and Light.
I knew it.
I prefer bad guys over good guys.
L is the good guy and he died.
Light is a bad guy and well.
I'm not sure about the ending yet.
You know,
I keep on urging Light to kill L and shit.
Man,
I'm freaking screw up.
Seriously.


See?
Like Naruto and Sasuke.
I prefer Sasuke.
I'm screw up! :D

But what to do?
They (Sasuke and Light) are so effing cool.
The fact that their heartless makes me (:

Anyways,
I think he maybe in the same church as M.
Not sure and yet I don't want to ask.
My friend told me quite a while ago and it hit me.
What if he's in the same church?
What if he's going to the camp thing?



I hope he doesn't though.
It'll be damn awkward and I might keep on looking at him.
Gosh.
That might make me a stalker and shit.

Calm down Kim,
There's a HUGE possibility he's not in the same church
And why the hell would he go to camp when he got better things to do?

OH!
You know last night (281121),
Something freaky happened to me.
Seriously.
I went to bed around 3 am,
Close to 4 am.
As soon as I off my bed side lamp,
I heard knocking sounds and it
Sounded like it's next to me and shit.
I was freaking my shit out.
I closed my eyes,
Draw my blanket up higher and the knocking
Kept increasing.
Soon,
The knocking was replaced by some rocking sounds.
And I realised it's the chair my fan was on.
I wanted to get up and it hit me.
When my light's on,
There wasn't any rocking sounds
And when the light's off,
There's rocking sounds.
Talk about MAJOR coincidence.
I closed my eyes,
Hoping whatever is there find me sleeping and will get
Bored of me and go away.

No such luck.
I couldn't sleep.
Rocking and knocking increases.
Mosquitoes kept bitting me yet I don't dare to move.
I was hoping that dawn will arrive soon.
After all, dawn is like 6.30-7 am.
It was one the longest 3 hours of my life.

Finally,
I could take no longer.
I on the lights and sat on my bed.
Immediately,
The rocking stopped.
The knocking stopped too.
It was 6 in the morning and I was terrified.
I sat on the bed for an hour or so,
Waiting for the sun to come up so I could sleep.
Freaky.
The rocking no longer rock and such.

-goosebumps-

I hate to admit but I'm scared to go to bed tonight.
Help?

That's what I get for watching ghost anime.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

#356 Smile


My best smile I'm unable to show to others.

So, I've slept for (total) 17 hours today
Including last night and such.
The reason of my sleeping is due to the fact
I've been thinking too much.
Their like a blade of a fan.
Once the fan is switched on,
They'll keep on spinning and spinning
And it's driving me nuts.
Seriously.

My handphone key chain broke off and it's lost.
I take it as a bad  luck, I guess.
Maybe something bad is going to happen to me(?)
Who knows.
I've done so many shitty things to people,
Thinking it's the right choice and such.
Eventually,
I've hurt them although I try to help.

I don't really like to take sides.
I judge 'em when I know 'em.
I want to stop all these stupidity.
All these unwanted emotions.
I look at the mirror every day.
Sounds vain and whatever
But I don't care.
I smile to myself in the mirror,
Trying to decide which smile is my best smile
And maybe offer that smile to someone who've helped and all.
But then,
Who has ever done nice things to me?
I'm constantly being abandon and such.
I try to push it all,
Thinking of many other good things.

I'm constantly being misunderstood.
When I'm joking,
People will think I wasn't and they take it hard.
I end up saying the wrong thing;
I end up being a bad guy.
Always the bad one.
Always the one other people points at with their
Vicious finger.

I'm trying to stand on my own to feet.
Trying to protect myself from all these people.
And my shield constantly been dented over and over.
I don't know how to take it.
I'm in pain.
I just don't show it and all.
'Cause I know my pain will effect people around me.
I'm being selfish and
I think it's good to be selfish at times like these (:

I'm glad add maths is over (phew).

Honestly,
It ain't that bad, I hope.
I mean, I'm able to do most of the questions,
Even paper two (:
Haha.
But I've a feeling I've alot of wrongs.
I hope not though.
Stayed up until 3 am to do add maths and all.
I regretted slacking for add maths.
But what can regrets do?
It's another feeling I'm trying to dispose of.

M,
Don't worry about me during camp.
I can take care of myself (:
I'm not some child that needs caring.
I just hope I'm able to make friends there.
Being left out is something I'm trying to get used too.
After all,
I've been that way since, well,
Birth I guess.
Even both my sister and cousins hated me last time
And I was constantly left out from the games they played.
I'm fine,
I really am (:
Maybe going to find things awkward a bit but
I can manage (:
So,
Take off the boulder that you've been lodging all around
On your shoulder.
It's cool (:


I was able to say goodbye to my science stream friends
On the last day I see 'em.
Part of me is relieve but heck,
I'm starting to feel that something is missing in my life.

That's it for now, I guess.
My friend is demanding more of my story (:
Trying to find the emotion to write it now.
But I'm dying to watch an anime called Death Note
Which is effing awesome :D
We'll see (:

A smile I'm not able to present to anyone but myself.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

#355 Only You


I'm sinned and I don't give a fuck about it.

Well,
I'm not sure where that came from.
Anyways.
It has gone through my mind quite a number of times.
The absolute truth:
I enjoy listening to other people's problems.
It's weird, I know.
But it makes me feel happy that people tend to come to me
When they needed solving.
Yet it pisses me off when they cast me aside after needing me.
But I enjoy helping.
More over,
I enjoy being able to fix something.
It ignites my heart
And sets my soul on fire.


Honestly, woman.
Everyone changes.
Even you freaking change.
The only thing you didn't change is your stupid
Ego.
You even questioned me where did I get my
'Always-want-to-win' attitude'.
I got it from you.
Eat it up.
In your face.
Sucker (:
HOHOHOHOHO!!!
(Beware my evil laugh)

I'm giving alot of thoughts on the camp thing.
I told my friend I'm afraid for making the wrong mistake.
After all,
I'm prone to making wrong decisions.
Damn.
Giving myself unnecessary thoughts.

What if I make a fool of myself?
What if things go wrong?
What if everyone hates me?
What if I'm left alone like usual?
What if.
What if.
What if.

I don't need this!

(:

I have no clue what to think right now.
But you know what?
Screw it.
I'm going to have fun and stuff.
If I'm being ignored,
Well, fuck you then (:

I'm in a fucking mood right now.
I'm not looking forward for add maths and perdagangan.

Fuck (:

Sunday, November 20, 2011

#354 Saturn


Moral is tomorrow and I'm going over to
Prema's house later.
She's going to help me ace my moral and add maths!

Feeling pretty tired and sleepy now a days.
I should start walking now
Since it looks like it's going to rain soon.
Well, I'm off.
Don't want to be caught in the rain.

See you soon, to my non-exist readers.

Bye.

Friday, November 18, 2011

#353 Gears Of Fate


Love always happen without warning.
At that time, the gears of fate will start spinning.
Just like the hands of a clock;
Two people's heart will separate and meet again.
Eventually, they'll reunite.

Well,
Four down and five more to go.
I'm rather surprise History was alright.
I was expecting extremely hard questions
And for me to unable to answer.
Fate was,
For once,
Nice to me (:
And I'm loving it every second.

Well,
I have to admit I'm not putting my all in SPM.
Mainly is because I' lazy and all that shit.
Don't feel like studying,
Bla bla bla bla.
Oh!
You know,
Yesterday maths exam paper 2,
I finished an hour before the actual time
And I was bored to the core.
I day dreamed for half an hour and I couldn't take it.
I packed my things and walked out.
The first one to walk out.
HEE :D
Followed by two guys and yeah (:

Well,
I'm so happy to be using the computer right now.
I mean, seriously.
I haven really touch my com since SPM started.
Going online was rare for me and all.
SO,
Yeah. (:
I'm extremely bored and all that crap right now.
Have yet to have my breakfast and bath.
HEHE!

Eventually, they'll reunite.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

#352 Him


It was dark.
It's always dark at night.
She was staring at the television like some retard,
Watching yet not actually seeing the moving pictures.
The lights aren't on.
She was alone, justing sitting crossed legged in front of the television.
All of a sudden,
She heard a growl behind her.
She took a deep breath.
Her heart pumping wildly in her aching chest.
She slowly turned and she found myself facing 
Nose to nose with a white tiger.
The tiger was sitting as it thrust it's nose onto hers.
The tiger then gave a throaty growl.
Her eyes widen and she slowly backed up from the tiger.
It's eyes were sky blue in color,
A complete different blue than her eyes.
Hers is more, well,
Midnight blue.
She slowly stood up,
Afraid the tiger might pounce on her.
Instead, the tiger placed it's paws in front
And lay it's head on it's paws.
Yet it's eyes has never left hers,
Not even a single second.
She went to on the lights 
Just so she could have a better look at the tiger.
She gasped when the tiger begun to shift it's shape.
A long white python replaced the tiger.
"What are you?" she whispered.

The snake started to make it's way to her.
She was paralyzed but it's eyes.
When the snake finally reached her,
It lifted it's upper body,
Eyes seizing her every second.
"I'm what you love and what you're afraid of,"
The snake said in a hissing voice.
It was no mistake the snake was a male.

"How can I love something I'm afraid of?"
She asked the snake,
Completely surprise at the answer than the snake 
Has the ability to talk.

The snake gave her a rather sad look and
He lay back down on the cold marble floor.
He curled himself tighter and tighter,
Until he became a tiger once again.
Filling herself with much courage,
She walked up to the tiger,
Knelt in front of  him and placed her hand on his head.
The tiger opened his eyes and he sighed.
"If I'm afraid of you, I would not have go near you," she said and smiled.
The tiger then stood her and bare his teeth at her.
"You may not be afraid of me now for I've yet to show you my true form,"
He said in a throaty growl.
He then walked towards the front door.
"Open the door, I need to go,"
"But... why?" she asked him as she stood up.
"I cannot maintain my animal forms for long,"
The tiger then shifted into a wolf.
"Quickly," the white wolf howled.
"Let me see who you really are,"
Her fingers trembled as she took her keys out from her pocket.
"No!" the wolf howled again.
She finally inserted the right key in and the wolf quickly 
Rushed out of the door.
The wolf shifted into the tiger once again.
He purred as she scratched his chin.
He then leaped over her gate into the dead night.
But she saw the tiger stopped a few feet away from 
A street lamp.
She narrowed her eyes to focus on the tiger.
He slowly shifted into a shape of a man
And she gasped.

The tiger, the snake, the wolf.
It was him.
It was him all along.
"I'm what you love and what you're afraid of."
The snake or rather he said.
And he was right.
She loved him, with all her heart
And yet she was afraid of him.
She went back to her house,
Closed the front door and she broke down,
Crying.
She was not a sentimental girl but he was her world,
Her playmate, her other half.
But she was afraid of him.
She was right.
How can she love something she's afraid of.

In the middle of her cries,
She heard someone knocking the door.
She wiped her eyes,
Afraid it might be him once again.
She opened the door, slowly and carefully.
Afraid of what the door might reveal.

A man with silver white hair stood in front of the door.
He has young and sharp features despite his silver hair
That glowed under the moonlight.
"Heya," the man said with a cheerful smile.
"How may I help you?" she asked after clearing her throat.
"Mind stepping out for a moment?" he asked.
His olive green eyes sparkled with mischief.
She took a step out from her house
And faster than lightning,
The man grabbed her by the throat and pushed her 
On the wall beside the door.
"Glad you fell for my trick," he smiled.
Her breath was knocked out from her lungs when he 
Pushed her towards the wall.
"You see, I love pretty girl's blood,
They make me, well, high."
He whispered softly in her left her.
His voice caused tiny goose flesh all over her arms.
He then took out a pocket knife from his back pocket and
He threw her on the floor.
She coughed and with wide eyes,
She saw him sat on her and his left hand held her throat
While his right hand was raised up high with the knife.
"Baby, this won't hurt one bit," 
His eyes shone with malice.
He stopped and tilted his head.
"I was lying, it hurts like shit," 
He laughed and she lay helplessly on the cold floor.
Her head was still ringing after the being thrown on the floor.
He then quickly stabbed her.

With sheer luck,
She blocked his hand by using both her hands.
They had a little tug of war
But they both know she was clearly losing
For he has the advantage.
He was a man, 
Greater strength than hers,
He's choking her,
He's on top of her.
But she will not lose!
"Are you working for him?"
She managed to choke out those words.
It caught the man with surprise.
His eyes widen and quickly turned into slits.
"I do not work for anyone!" he yelled
And with much effort,
He pushed the knife harder.

"Let her go!" 
A growl was heard.
The man then looked towards the sound.
Really, all he wanted to do is to drink up some girl's blood.
Is it really that hard?
So much commotion and resistance.
She blinked the tears out from her eyes and she 
Made the effort to turn her head.
A white wolf was baring it's teeth at them.
"I'll do anything you want," she whispered to the man.
"Let me go before you get hurt,"

"ME hurt!?"
Unbelievable.
The girl was under his control and she was
Asking him to let her go just so he won't be hurt.
What the hell?

The wolf lost it's patience and pounced on the man.
But the man managed to cut her face.
She closed her eyes with pain as she hurt 
Screams and clothes being teared.
She could not stand the yelping of the wolf
And the screams of the man.
Tears begun to trickled down her cheeks.
It's suppose to be a quiet night.
How did it end up like this?
Why?
She placed both her hands on her ears,
Trying her very best to block out the sounds.
She then felt something rough on her face.
Over and over.
She opened her left eye and she saw the wolf licking her cut on her right cheek.
The wolf licked her cut silently,
Without a sound.
She saw the wold was bleeding.
His white fur was tainted with patches of red.
"You're hurt," she said in a soft voice.

The wolf just growled as it continued licking her cheek.
That done,
He sprinted off once again into the night. 
She stood up and watched the wolf leaping away.
What a strange night, she thought 
As she went back to the house,
Lock up and went to bed.

The next morning,
She stared at herself in the mirror
And found out the incident that happened yesterday was real
For a scar was permanently attached on her right cheek.
She touched her cheek again,
Pulling forth the memory of the wolf licking her,
The soft fur of the tiger,
The sad look of the snake.
She then glanced at the wall clock and found out she was 
Going to be late for school.
She quickly washed up, dressed and grabbed her back pack.
Her shoulder long hair was pulled into a soft pony tail.

By the time she reached her classroom,
She was sweating like crazy.
She was too panting but she was safe from being late.
"Wicked scar, babe," her bestie said when she saw the scar.
"Gotta tell me how you got it,"
She slided into her sit as she catch her breath.
"Maybe later?"
She placed her bag on the floor and she caught a guy 
Looking at her.
She smiled and she saw him blushed before he quickly walked away.

Classes was boring, as usual.
But her mind was wondering about the animals and the mad man.
Finally, it was time for PE.
PE.
Her only favorite class among the rest.
She was the first to run out of class and into the open
Lush green field.
Ahh.
She loves it so very much.
She feels free and all.
She began to jog around the field,
Feeling her heart pumping faster and faster every step she took.
"Mind if I join you?" a male voice asked her.
She turned her head and saw Chong Zheng,
Her fellow classmate and nodded.
She then secretly smiled to herself.
He's cute.
He has black hair and opal colored eyes.
He was titled for mysterious and quite all year round.
Yet he was here,
Jogging with her around the field.
Finally, they stopped.
Their chest rising rapidly as they greedily fill the 
Fresh air in their lungs.
"Nice jogging with you," she said as she began to walk away.
He quickly grabbed one of her arm
And she looked back at him with surprise.
She saw his opal eye began to change color.
From opal to midnight blue, like hers, to sky blue.
Like...
Like...
The tiger.
The snake.
And her savior, the wolf.
"You," she gasped and he let go of her hand.
"Wait!" she cried as he began to run away from her.

"What did he want from you?"
Her bestie asked as she tossed a bottle of cold water to her.
"I'm not sure," she mumbled.
"I saw him held on to your hand,"
"Yeah, but he didn't utter a word,"
"Maybe you should talk to him,"
"Can we drop this?"
"But I'm trying to help," her friend was offended.
"I'm sorry, just tired, I guess. Didn't get that much sleep,"
"Well, you are forgiven provided you go talk to him now."
"What!?"
"You do want me to forgive you right?"
"Maybe now is not the best time yet,"
"Whatever. Just make sure you talk to him okay?"
She mumbled and closed her eyes.
Both of them are lying on field, soaking in the warm sun.
"Honestly, this is the best place to skip classes," her bestie said.
"Yeah, specially history," she agreed.
"Ima go sneak us some coke,"
"Ima stay here and burn myself to death,"
"Suit yourself!"
"Bring back the coke!" she yelled and closed her eyes.
Her thoughts whirled harder and harder about the shape shifter.
Not to mention the mad man too.

"Aren't you afraid of getting heat stroke?"
She opened her eyes and she saw Chong Zheng looking down at her.
She yelped and quickly sat up.
"Here," he handed her a bottle of cold water.
"T-thanks," she said and took a swing.
She then wipe her mouth and looked at him.
"How'd you find me?" she whispered.
A soft breeze blew.
"I just know where you are,"
"Like yesterday?"

The question caught him off guard and he placed his head between 
His hitched knees.
"I'm what you love and what you're afraid off," she quoted.
He then raised his head and looked at her.
"Yet, I don't feel frightened at the moment," 
Her words traveled to his stubborn brain.
He then sighed and got up.
He held out a hand towards her and saw her looking 
At him, giving him the innocent look.
"You do know teacher knows you're skipping class, right?"
She blushed and his heart gave a hard leap.
"Well, come on."

He pulled her up hard and she stumbled on a rock.
He caught her and they looked at each other, eye to eye.
They saw their past, present and future.
Just a single glance like that.
"I've loved you for so long,"
He wanted to say to her
Yet his mouth was temporary paralyzed.
She pushed herself off him and she walked ahead,
On her way to class.
She then stopped and looked at a guy walking
Past them.
He saw the way her eyes soften,
A small smile that tugged on her playful lips.
She's in love with some other guy he knows
And that guy happened to be a jerk, a freaking play boy.
"Hey," she greeted the jerk.
The jerk stopped and gave her the Colgate commercial smile.
"Hello cutie," he said and walked off.
He saw her knees almost buckled and he could hear her heart
Thumping faster and faster.
He was mad at himself.
He balled up his fist and walked away,
Leaving her once again.

He's been watching her and sure as hell the one that will
Protect her.
If you love someone, you have to set them free.
If they are meant for you, they'll com right back.

But he no longer stand it.
The love he gave her aches so much in his heart.
He hated the pain and felt like ripping his heart out,
To get rid of the pain once and for all.

She saw him walking,
Walking out towards the heavy traffic.
"Chong Zheng! Chong Zheng!" she cried when a car knocked him.
"CHONG ZHENG!" I cried while opening my eyes
And sitting up from my bed.

I was a fool to chase after someone when the one that loves me is chasing after me.
I should have turned back and see that. 
It was all too late.


Queer dream I had there.
Well, Chong Zheng didn't exists.
Obviously.
I just found out I was screaming that name when I woke up (:

I am what you love and what you're afraid of.