#378 Back

China trip was fun.
Yet it ended with tears.
Tears of joy,
Tears of sadness,
Tears of bitterness,
Tons of tears.

Amanda and I

Michael and I 

Mary and I 

The wonderful people I've met on the trip.

I look so fat with four layers on.

To top it off, the green winter clothing

Was like a pillow!

I felt like a walking green pillow!

I absolutely love the trip.

It wasn't that cold 

But the temperature dropped slowly though.

We even had a stalker/pick pocket dude following us

In the park.

I was like,

I want to see the dude!

He finally gave up and went else where to pick pocket.

I'm too lazy to blog about China.

After all,

My attention is all on camp now.

We had room service :D

Anyways,

I don't know but I feel abit dreaded about camp

Where else everyone's happy and excited about it.

Gosh.

I'm over thinking once again!

Yi Ling gave me the same reaction 

I gave to myself when I told her bout the camp thing.

Be on your guard for you might not know...

Advice taken.

I shall observe everything!!!

I feel like a robot now.

ZZZZT!

Feeling a bit hype right now.

Something happened on facebook

And it left me with stitches in the tummy.

Anyways,

I have yet to pack.

Not really looking forward to it.

But it might turn out like China. (:

Not really wanting to go

But aching to come back.

I hope it'll be an experience I'll never forget.

In a good way, that is.

ROBOT!

#377 Seriously?

I'm having mixed feelings.
Fuck.
I don't know if I should be sad or pissed off or what.
I mean.
I don't know what I mean.
Dammit.

Reading back the posts,
I've come to an understatement
That I was such a depressing bitch.
Someone who hovers over the depths of
The past.
But then again,
I can't be taking all the blame.

It takes two hands to clap.

Some what,
You're involved in this deep shit as much as I am.
I used to wonder if things will go the way
It should be.
But,
Knowing how naive I was,
Deep down,
I knew it'll never be the same.

Wounds may heal but scars won't.

And I knew I've deeply scared you
With all my jealousies, furies and words
I've thrown heartlessly at you.
Hey,
I ain't apologizing here.
Why should I?
I did no wrong... yet.
Actions may speak louder than words
But it's the feelings that matters most.

Seriously,
There are always reasons to human actions.
And I strongly believe that they did it
For their own particular reasons.
We just have to shut out mouth and open our ears.

Oh yeah.
It just dawned to me
That you'll never forgive me, eh?
Well.
I should be on my guard then (:
Knowing you may strike any time soon.
Maybe not here,
Maybe not now
But it'll come.
Soon.

God,
I remember now how badly I wanted to hurt you.
Fuck.
Haha.
I was so naive.
So the table has turned
And you're on the top and I'm at the bottom.
The small conversations might be hints of
Plotting against me?

Well now,
Like I said,
I must be on my guard and look out for things.
Damn.
I don't understand now why I was so worried
About that thing.
Haha.
It just snap and came to me.
OF COURSE!
The paranoid feelings I get,
It might come true.
After all,
You will never be able to forgive me (:

Salright,
I can live with that.

Haha, you know what?
I'm going to give you a bow;
My hat is tip down for you.
Life took a funny twist (:
I don't understand why I was trying so
Hard to win your forgiveness.
I'm so fucking naive.
I feel like laughing so hard at my foolishness right now.
Fucking naive little bitch.

Oh wells,
I'm going off now.
China and plane trip.
Don't wait for me.

Wounds may heal but scars can't.

#376 China

I'm going china in like another hour or so?
I haven really packed yet
And I feel too lazy to do so.
I'm still up since 6 something just now.
I've been reading my friend's blog
And I have no right to say


Oh hey, break up?
Get over it and done.

I mean,
Who am I to say that?
I've never been in a relationship.
Either I'm not good enough or other people are just
Too good for me.
All I can do is to sit at a corner
Watching people break up and make up.
Sometimes life can be an ass hole, you know?
Ah, but whatever right?

I should be happy and all.
Considering I've never been in a relationship.
Somehow, typing that makes me think
#FOREVER ALONE
Ah, but what gives?
Randomly typing here since I've got nothing to do.
I lost my epic watching anime feeling
Quite a while ago.

Oh well.
Honestly,
I hate being tangled in people's relationship.
As much as I want to help,
I just don't want to be the 'middle man'.
The side taking is harsh and all.
I'm fine, I really am. (:

Gosh, I shall now take my wonderful bath
And start to pack my stuff
And get ready to sit the damn cab.
I don't feel sleepy at the moment
But I hope I will be able to sleep in the plane.
I hate flights as much as I hate contained-waist-deep water.
Freaks me out.

Someone help me.
Will not be blogging for a week, max.
China.
You're going to kill my appetite.

Get over it and done.

#375 Lil Emily: A Long Gone

For many years Lil Emily stayed;
She has lost count of the days.
On the bed the old lady laid
After that incident that happened that day.

The stench finally filled her nose,
From the bed she then rose.
Lil Emily decided it's time for her to go;
To leave her used-to-be home.

Lil Emily went up to brush her teeth
After eating a few slices if beef.
Poor Lil Emily cried for feeling so lonely;
Oh poor Lil Emily.

She cried while eating;
She cried while bathing;
She cried while drinking;
She cried before sleeping.

Lil Emily went out of the house,
Feeling like a quiet lil mouse.
She's determine not to look behind;
Hoping to not lose her mind.

By an untold law,
Lil Emily turned back and saw
How to house stood like and empty shell.
With full of emotion, Lil Emily fell.

Once again Lil Emily had to leave,
To maybe find a new place to live.
Lil Emily's hoping she could find a family of two,
Maybe her new family could be you.

Lil Emily dragger her weary feet
With lil pebbles she began to kick;
Stomping on lil things by the road side.
When people passes by, in the bushes she will hide.

Once again Lil Emily is alone,
Leaving places she once own.
In the cruel world she still walk;
With no one to talk


♥


So, Lil Emily once again rise.
I'm working on the following one (:


Lil Emily, I'm with you all the way.

#374 Bonds

As promised.
A picture of my piercing.
It's alright right now.
I took it off to put medicine a few days ago and
Yeah.
It hurts like.... (:

This is Bobo or it's Bubu.
I can't remember/ recognize.
Anyways, both Shenny and I watch
Barbie and the three musketeers
And Barbie Princess Charm School.
Both were nice and they look kind of stiff.
But it was a nice bonding time between us though.

Nothing much though.
Half way through the second movie,
I felt a little bit sleepy
Due to the fact I didn't sleep early last night.
It's no excuse though.

Send Jerry to the vet this morning.
I was partly in pain to say goodbye to him.
I missed him so.

Another 4 hours till 2am;
5 and a half till 3.30am
Which is when I aboard the plane to China.
I kind of dread it though.
The packing -gasp-
The waking up time -gasp-
OH NO!!!

I can't help but to laugh
And laugh
And laugh
And laugh.
Seriously?
Gosh, my sister called me crazy for laughing.
But how can I not laugh?
It's mean, yeah sure, but I am mean.
It just struck me as funny.

I mean,
Even you can feel jealous
And I thought it was only me.
Well, I shall leave you to your...
Sorrows (:


Just like you left me with mine (:

#373 Done and Done

So, I've finished one chapter of my story (FINALLY!)
And I'm currently having a writer's block which
Seriously suck.
You can read it here though (:
[link]

Think of something you cannot live without
And multiply it by an infinity.
Think of what happiness means to you
Add it to the feeling you get 
On the best days you've ever had.
That's how much you mean to me.

Stupid writer's block.
I know what to write yet I don't know how to put it down.
You know the feeling?

Going to Shenny's house tomorrow (:
We're going to watch Barbie all day long.
It's a girl bonding time.

Call me weird but I don't
Feel like going to China on Saturday.
I know, I know.
I just hate the packing and shit.
Oh wells.
I'm halfway packing though.

I shall go off now.
Going to watch some anime then hit the sack.
Tomorrow's going to be another long day.

Call me weird.

#372 Thoughts

I've read back my posts and it dawn to me what a useless being I was no wait, am. I can't adapt to things and all. I tend to run away, like alot. And yet I did not stand up and face the thing like a brave girl.

I'm, after all, a coward and not someone thought I was brave; fearless even.

I'm vulnerable and I get scared easily and all.

I'm not who I thought I was.

Reality can sometimes suck alot.

I had a dream last night.
You were hurt by my blog post.
You complained to my cousin and you even cried on the phone.
You were gripping tightly on the phone and you hugged your free hand around you; to protect yourself.

I heartlessly look down at you when I pushed you off your feet. I sneered at you, kicked you and walked away like a heartless jerk.

They say dreams are from our subconscious mind. If we thought too much about it, we will dream about it.

Seemed like I've subconsciously gave it alot of thought in it. I'm such a jerk. (:

I'm off for badminton now, using my iPhone to blog for now.

Heartless bitch signing off now.

#371 Holey

I've forgotten to mention in my earlier post 

That I've pierced my ears.

Again.

It's a second hole (:

It doesn't really hurt but the stupid lady kept on

Delaying the shoot.

I squeezed my sister's hand 'cause I was

Expecting the pain and it was terrifying.

Knowing that the pain will come any time soon.

I chose my favorite color, red, for my earrings

And it doesn't really cost much.

Just RM20 for both piercings and earrings.

The pain was killing me inside for the first few hours

But it went away.

I am not allowed to eat seafood for the next two weeks

Which is like another 10 days including today.

That means no fish, no prawn, no... CRAB!?

I hope I can survive.

Worst off,
No sushi.

I've realized I've changed most of my appearance.

And I swore to myself I'm going to lose weight.

And weight losing I will do!

I've got alot of comments on my red hair and

I'm happy about it.

It really felt good when people tend to give

Wonderful comments on me (vain pot)

And I'm happy in the inside and the outside.

My iPhone crashed last night.

I freaked out.

It was because of some stupid tweak.

Bloody hell.

But I've managed to fix it though,

Thank goodness (:

Going for badminton later.

I hope I'm not rusty and shit.

Signing off now,

Going to paint my nails red.

After all,

Red is my favorite color.

I'm happy.

#370 Events

So, I went to the church thingy yesterday (111111)
And honestly, I find it... kind of boring.
Don't judge me now.
Blogs are made to allow one to let out their feelings and shit.
So, I felt boring.
I didn't sleep the whole night before
Because I got myself an iPhone :D

Pictures will be posted up later.

Anyways, yeah,
I went to the church.
My nose was killing me
And my eye lids were extremely heavy.
I kinda half slept during the thingy
And I felt embarrassed about it.
But these kind of talk thingys aren't just my kind of thing.

Throughout the whole thingy,
I felt like an outcast;
A stranger barging into other people's life.
An alien trying to fit among humans.

By the way,
Jess and Shum went too.
So yeah.
I don't think anyone would understand how I feel
Unless that person goes through the same shit as me.
Conversations were awkward;
Listening was awkward too
In fact, being there was awkward.
Was it me the only one who felt that way?
I'm pretty sure it is.
After all,
I'm the outcast.

We went Midvalley after.
Like I said,
Everything was awkward.
I wanted so badly to go home.
Every single minute.
But I have to endure it and not be selfish.
Somehow,
The ice around me slowly melt
And things were okay in the end.
But...

Got myself an iPhone on 101111.
My savings were all walloped up and I left
Less than a hundred with me right now.
I am broke.
And it's eating me inside.
But I'm happy with my wonderful gadget!
It's so awesome,
I feel like I'll die if I parted ways with it (:

Went to Sungei Wang with Aslene and Lip Kent today.
It was awesome as we looked around for Aslene's boots.
We finally found her boots after 4-5 hours and
It was smexy.
Both Lip Kent and Aslene bought tons of stuff
Yet I went home empty handed.
That's what you get when you're poor
And penniless (?)
But it was fun.

I wanted to get an iPhone cover which looked like this:
CLICK!
And a red jacket but it turns out
Both of them are expensive,
So yeah.

In the end,
I have nothing but wonderful experiences.

Outcast.

#369 In The End

So I went to Weilun and Hsiaofeng's birthday party last night.
I felt awkward and so unsocialized and shit.
Have yet to break the ice.
I practically feel like a stranger barging in
Someone's birthday party.
But what can I do since I've arrived?

I mingled around,
Feeling out of place.
Then again, I didn't want to say anything
To ruin the whole thing.
After all,
Aslene invited me and I don't want to put her down.

Smile and go through it.

I kept on repeating it to myself.
In the very end. I had a good time.
It's just a matter of time, I guess.
Pictures can be seen here.
Since I'm much too lazy to do shit right now.

I got my Iphone today! (:
Alot of stress and pressure though.
I mean, my mom kept on pressuring me
And she kept on like talking to me in harsh tones.
Bloody sales person kept on saying samsung is good too.
Sure, yeah.
Samsung is good.
But HELL with Samsung.
I set my heart out on Iphone and Iphone I will get!
I finally got it with a price that'll make me starve for another year.
But I think it's worth it (:
I'm happy with my phone right now
And I'll kill myself if these butter fingers of mine drop the Iphone.
Currently trying to figure out how to load songs in my phone.
Sounds stupid and retarded, I know.
But I don't care (:

I'm a noob and I love it.

Smile and go through it.

#368 Call Me Red

As you can see, I've dyed my hair today!
And I've cleaned my study room and all.
Seriously alot of unwanted and used books to sell off.
Plus, most of the exercise books have been used half way.

I feel so tired right now.
Had a late night last night and all.
Maybe I'm going to take a short nap.
Aslene invited me to Hsiao Feng and Wei Lun's
Birthday party today! (:
It was totally out of the blue and unexpected.
She told me not to tell anyone since it's a surprise.
I feel extremely nervous and scared at the moment.
I mean,
What if things go awkward.
You know what?
I'm not going to think too much and all.
And I'm going to have a time of my life (:

Sri Nobel pals invited me to many events
But it's all clashed one way or another.
Seriously.
I feel bad for not being able to go to their
Parties and all.
Clash with my badminton time and all!

Will totally make it up to them, I swear.

You can see the dye under the sun.

Going to have a power nap now.
Ciao my fellow (if there's any) blog readers.
And yes, I've decided.
Will give her a text later.
Why would I want to keep on thinking about it
When I can just go for it.

Red.

#367 Uni the Corn

So, I've cleared my room today and
I threw away alot of junk and so on.
Was pretty please with myself for clearing my room.
but it was only portion of my room though.
Still.

Went for badminton today
And I was embarrassed by myself.
Seriously.
Don't feel like talking about it now though.
Wanna continue with my story.
Very the semangat right now (:

Still thinking about it.
Being very indecisive right now.

Give me a sign.

#366 Weightless

Extremely tired today.
Just got home and took a wonderful cool bath.
Woke up at 8 in the morning today, took a bath and
Get ready to go to KL.
Went to fetch my mom's friend and her kids around 10 am
And the whole thing was so awkward.
I mean,
It was extremely tough for me to struck a conversation with
A 13 year old and a 10 year old kids.
So, we all sat in awkwardness.
I don't mind, really.
I mean, it's their lost :D

Anyways,
We walked at Chee Chiong Kai for 3 hours(?)
Totally regretted wearing my converse.
Somehow it's still pinching my toes since two years ago.
Like what the hell?
It's big yet it still pinches after many times of seasoning.

Came home around 5 in the evening
And I was dead tired due to the late night last night.
Rest for half an hour and went to IPC with sister
For dinner.
Honestly,
I felt like a zombie;
Lunging around the shopping complex,
Dragging my weary feet along with me.
There was one point I yawned 3 times in every half an hour.

In the end,
I didn't get to dye my freaking hair.
Going to talk to my dad about LowYatt later though.
After my cousin's father leave.

Freaking tired.
Might hit the sack earlier tonight.
After all,
4 hours of badminton tomorrow.
I feel so excited for it!

Ah, I love badminton.

#365 Paper Scars

EVERYONE SHALL NOW KNOW MY FULL NAME!

Fall into pairs like two ugly fish 

Too rare for extinction, I know 

The veins in your hand felt sort of like summer 

Calm to the touch oh no 

And my god how did we survive the paper scars 

Oh, bless my stars 

You said you’re sorry

I find the lyrics quite sad.

And the song is quite short.

Meaningful too though.

It's called Paper Scars by Lovedrug.

Fall into pairs like two ugly fish
Too rare for extinction I know
The veins in your hand felt sort of like summer
Calm to the touch oh no
And my god how did we survive the paper scars
Oh, bless my stars
You said you’re sorry

#364 Reflect

It's obviously a sticker pasted on my nail :3
I adore kittehs :D

So, I'm going to KL tomorrow
Just for the heck of it, I guess
Since I can't go to OU with my friends and all.
Due to no transport.

Well,
My red hair is going to be pushed to Friday and not tomorrow.
Mom's not free and all that crap.
Oh wells,
Another two more days, I can live (:
Might be going to LowYatt this Saturday though.
Ima go Iphone hunting and all.
Still thinking if I should get second hand or what.

Marissa invited me to go to her church this Sunday.
Pressure.
I'm not sure if I'm going though.
I'm pretty sure I'll feel awkward and out of place and all.
I... I don't know what to do!!!
I'm not sure if the choices I will make will be the right one.
Sure, I want to have fun and all
But... yeah.
To top it off,
It's freaking 7am in the morning.
This brought back a memory I once shared with her.

We planned to go for her church talk thing
And I couldn't wake up.
Make it both my mom and I couldn't wake up that morning.
My mom was supposed to drive me to her house.
Yet we could not wake up.
Finally, M called me and I found out it might be too late
Considering I have to bath and all.
So, her mom decided to fetch me and yeah.
It worked out.
We went to have subway (FOR THE FIRST TIME)
At Midvalley (IN SO MANY YEARS!)
I was a happy bitch at that time.
Not much of the emoness and all.
It was, after all, form 2.
14, my favorite time.
15 was like hell and 16 was like an outcast.
17 transfered and well.
I'm like this.
Realizing most of my mistakes and all.

By the way,
My dad bought me a 16gb memory card for my camera
Due to the fact my old memory card isn't big enough
And I was afraid I could not take enough pictures and all.
So, yeah.
Going to pay him back though.
I feel so bad.

Don't feel like updating now.
Haha.
Talking to my pals (:
Yes, I have pals.
And I've updated my story blog.
Please go visit (:

Love you, readers (if I have any).
And I'm going to think about the church thing tonight.

I adore kittehs.

#363 It's Over

I now know why I was obsessed with dragons last time.
Beautiful creatures.
They can be mysterious and dangerous at the same time.
Beautiful and magnificent.

Anyways,
I'm here to announce to anyone that's reading my blog,
I'M DONE WITH SPM BABEH! 
WOOHOO!
Now that done,
I'm going to focus on cleaning my room
And getting my Iphone (:

Anyways,
I had a dream about you last night.
You were a completely different person.
Someone whom actually apologized for your wrong doings.
You knelt in front of me,
Asking me to have a heart and forgive you.
And miraculously I did.
Weird, huh?

I dreamt that you showed me your
Drawings of wedding pictures,
I dreamt that you're humble
And you didn't keep all to yourself.
Instead, you opened up and shared with me
And I to you too.

I'm not sure if it's a yearning or something
But I highly doubt that you'll do that in real life.
After all,
Like I said,
I dreamt it all.

It was spontaneous,
Really.
Totally out of the blue.

Iphone (:

#362 Bored

Feeling extremely lazy at the moment.
I don't feel like studying and my tummy's acting weird.
I'm pretty sure I'll hardcore accounts tomorrow.
On Monday,
I plan to wake up at 7am,
Clear my room all the way until 9am or something
And then sleep, wake up at 10 and get ready to got to school
For exam.
I'm not sure if I'm able to make it for badminton though :/
But then again,
I want to clear my room as fast as possible :D
To get my wonderful iphone.
Hee.
Going to dye my hair red on Wednesday.
Well,
I hope it'll look good though
'Cause I'm planning on using half the bottle and not full
So it won't look that weird and shit.

I'm going to continue my story (:
Which is coming in smoothly.
Having a writer's block at the moment though.
Thinking on what to write next!

____━━____┓━╭━━━━╮
____━━____┗┓|::::::^━━^
____━━____━┗|:::::|｡◕‿‿­­­­◕｡| Nyan Nyan Cat
____━━____━━╰O-O----O-O

KITTY ♥

#361 Finally

So, I've finished one chapter of my story (finally!)
And I'm quite happy about it.
Now for brain storming my way through wonderful accounts (:
Which I'll do it later (obviously)
I'm currently brain storming on my now chapter.
Not sure how to start it but I'm pretty sure I know how to end it.

Had accounts tuition just now.
Honestly, I'm pretty happy I actually went to tuition.
It means more homework but it also means
I can have great results.
I feel like a nerd now.
A pretty nerd.
Haha.
Self boosting here (:


Yuya Mastushita ♥

#360 Night God

It means in chinese,
Night God Moon.
Yagami Light.
His name is just so wonderful and ironic.
Freaking love him so (:
I'm going crazy.
Anyways,
I'm gonna continue my story since I don't have
My harddisk with me at the moment (:
Recommending awesome animes to my friend (:
I'm going to make her be a fan of it!
Bwahaha.

Nothing much to write though.
I'm so going to fail Perdagangan.
Well, on the bright side,
I'm not taking business for college or what so ever.
Bye bye stupid accounts :D
You made me feel like suiciding (:

Nothing much to pour out at the moment.
Heh.
OH!
Badminton today was so effing awesome (:
Thanks Yi Ling (:
I feel so damn powerful after training with you
Even if it's only for a while.
I put counter pain on my sore areas but I'm
Prepared for tomorrow.

Come what may.

Your dad told me (:
Badminton forever.
Haha.

Night God.