#359 Jealousy

I sometimes envy people alot.
Like seriously alot.
That is part of my weakness, I guess.
To feel oh so jealous easily.

What can I do?

#358 Spoiler

SO UNEXPECTED!
FUCKING TERU MIKAMI JUST HAVE TO RUIN EVERYTHING!
WHY CAN'T HE JUST FREAKING LISTEN TO LIGHT'S ORDER!
SCREW HIM!
HE RUINED EVERYTHING!
HE CAUSED LIGHT'S DEATH!
ARRRGH!
NONONONO!

Why must the good guys always win?
Give the bad guys some slack, will ya?
After all,
Yagami Light isn't really a bad guy.
I mean,
He tried to make the world a  far better place
Just using this advantage he was given to.
Why can't those people accept that?
I hate them.
Stupid nitwitts.

By the way,
Love Light's hairstyle.
One of the cutest ever seen on anime (:
He totally lost his cool on the last episode.
He was caught and shit.



His normal smile (:



His evil smile.
Kekeke.

When he was doing the countdown.

I actually followed the countdown cause it was really exciting.
I wanted the white haired dude (Near) to die so badly.
His new laugh makes me wanna laugh too (:

HEE.
Enjoy.
Love Light or I'll write you in my Death Note (:

Light

#357 Leap

I took that quite a long time ago.
Was experimenting with my camera, I guess.
I'm thinking of taking up a job during the hols.
Not sure yet but yeah.

L and Light.
I knew it.
I prefer bad guys over good guys.
L is the good guy and he died.
Light is a bad guy and well.
I'm not sure about the ending yet.
You know,
I keep on urging Light to kill L and shit.
Man,
I'm freaking screw up.
Seriously.

See?
Like Naruto and Sasuke.
I prefer Sasuke.
I'm screw up! :D

But what to do?
They (Sasuke and Light) are so effing cool.
The fact that their heartless makes me (:

Anyways,
I think he maybe in the same church as M.
Not sure and yet I don't want to ask.
My friend told me quite a while ago and it hit me.
What if he's in the same church?
What if he's going to the camp thing?



I hope he doesn't though.
It'll be damn awkward and I might keep on looking at him.
Gosh.
That might make me a stalker and shit.

Calm down Kim,
There's a HUGE possibility he's not in the same church
And why the hell would he go to camp when he got better things to do?

OH!
You know last night (281121),
Something freaky happened to me.
Seriously.
I went to bed around 3 am,
Close to 4 am.
As soon as I off my bed side lamp,
I heard knocking sounds and it
Sounded like it's next to me and shit.
I was freaking my shit out.
I closed my eyes,
Draw my blanket up higher and the knocking
Kept increasing.
Soon,
The knocking was replaced by some rocking sounds.
And I realised it's the chair my fan was on.
I wanted to get up and it hit me.
When my light's on,
There wasn't any rocking sounds
And when the light's off,
There's rocking sounds.
Talk about MAJOR coincidence.
I closed my eyes,
Hoping whatever is there find me sleeping and will get
Bored of me and go away.

No such luck.
I couldn't sleep.
Rocking and knocking increases.
Mosquitoes kept bitting me yet I don't dare to move.
I was hoping that dawn will arrive soon.
After all, dawn is like 6.30-7 am.
It was one the longest 3 hours of my life.

Finally,
I could take no longer.
I on the lights and sat on my bed.
Immediately,
The rocking stopped.
The knocking stopped too.
It was 6 in the morning and I was terrified.
I sat on the bed for an hour or so,
Waiting for the sun to come up so I could sleep.
Freaky.
The rocking no longer rock and such.

-goosebumps-

I hate to admit but I'm scared to go to bed tonight.
Help?

That's what I get for watching ghost anime.

#356 Smile

My best smile I'm unable to show to others.

So, I've slept for (total) 17 hours today
Including last night and such.
The reason of my sleeping is due to the fact
I've been thinking too much.
Their like a blade of a fan.
Once the fan is switched on,
They'll keep on spinning and spinning
And it's driving me nuts.
Seriously.

My handphone key chain broke off and it's lost.
I take it as a bad  luck, I guess.
Maybe something bad is going to happen to me(?)
Who knows.
I've done so many shitty things to people,
Thinking it's the right choice and such.
Eventually,
I've hurt them although I try to help.

I don't really like to take sides.
I judge 'em when I know 'em.
I want to stop all these stupidity.
All these unwanted emotions.
I look at the mirror every day.
Sounds vain and whatever
But I don't care.
I smile to myself in the mirror,
Trying to decide which smile is my best smile
And maybe offer that smile to someone who've helped and all.
But then,
Who has ever done nice things to me?
I'm constantly being abandon and such.
I try to push it all,
Thinking of many other good things.

I'm constantly being misunderstood.
When I'm joking,
People will think I wasn't and they take it hard.
I end up saying the wrong thing;
I end up being a bad guy.
Always the bad one.
Always the one other people points at with their
Vicious finger.

I'm trying to stand on my own to feet.
Trying to protect myself from all these people.
And my shield constantly been dented over and over.
I don't know how to take it.
I'm in pain.
I just don't show it and all.
'Cause I know my pain will effect people around me.
I'm being selfish and
I think it's good to be selfish at times like these (:

I'm glad add maths is over (phew).

Honestly,
It ain't that bad, I hope.
I mean, I'm able to do most of the questions,
Even paper two (:
Haha.
But I've a feeling I've alot of wrongs.
I hope not though.
Stayed up until 3 am to do add maths and all.
I regretted slacking for add maths.
But what can regrets do?
It's another feeling I'm trying to dispose of.

M,
Don't worry about me during camp.
I can take care of myself (:
I'm not some child that needs caring.
I just hope I'm able to make friends there.
Being left out is something I'm trying to get used too.
After all,
I've been that way since, well,
Birth I guess.
Even both my sister and cousins hated me last time
And I was constantly left out from the games they played.
I'm fine,
I really am (:
Maybe going to find things awkward a bit but
I can manage (:
So,
Take off the boulder that you've been lodging all around
On your shoulder.
It's cool (:


I was able to say goodbye to my science stream friends
On the last day I see 'em.
Part of me is relieve but heck,
I'm starting to feel that something is missing in my life.

That's it for now, I guess.
My friend is demanding more of my story (:
Trying to find the emotion to write it now.
But I'm dying to watch an anime called Death Note
Which is effing awesome :D
We'll see (:

A smile I'm not able to present to anyone but myself.

#355 Only You

I'm sinned and I don't give a fuck about it.

Well,
I'm not sure where that came from.
Anyways.
It has gone through my mind quite a number of times.
The absolute truth:
I enjoy listening to other people's problems.
It's weird, I know.
But it makes me feel happy that people tend to come to me
When they needed solving.
Yet it pisses me off when they cast me aside after needing me.
But I enjoy helping.
More over,
I enjoy being able to fix something.
It ignites my heart
And sets my soul on fire.

Honestly, woman.
Everyone changes.
Even you freaking change.
The only thing you didn't change is your stupid
Ego.
You even questioned me where did I get my
'Always-want-to-win' attitude'.
I got it from you.
Eat it up.
In your face.
Sucker (:
HOHOHOHOHO!!!
(Beware my evil laugh)

I'm giving alot of thoughts on the camp thing.
I told my friend I'm afraid for making the wrong mistake.
After all,
I'm prone to making wrong decisions.
Damn.
Giving myself unnecessary thoughts.

What if I make a fool of myself?
What if things go wrong?
What if everyone hates me?
What if I'm left alone like usual?
What if.
What if.
What if.

I don't need this!

(:

I have no clue what to think right now.
But you know what?
Screw it.
I'm going to have fun and stuff.
If I'm being ignored,
Well, fuck you then (:

I'm in a fucking mood right now.
I'm not looking forward for add maths and perdagangan.

Fuck (:

#354 Saturn

Moral is tomorrow and I'm going over to
Prema's house later.
She's going to help me ace my moral and add maths!

Feeling pretty tired and sleepy now a days.
I should start walking now
Since it looks like it's going to rain soon.
Well, I'm off.
Don't want to be caught in the rain.

See you soon, to my non-exist readers.

Bye.

#353 Gears Of Fate

Love always happen without warning.
At that time, the gears of fate will start spinning.
Just like the hands of a clock;
Two people's heart will separate and meet again.
Eventually, they'll reunite.

Well,
Four down and five more to go.
I'm rather surprise History was alright.
I was expecting extremely hard questions
And for me to unable to answer.
Fate was,
For once,
Nice to me (:
And I'm loving it every second.

Well,
I have to admit I'm not putting my all in SPM.
Mainly is because I' lazy and all that shit.
Don't feel like studying,
Bla bla bla bla.
Oh!
You know,
Yesterday maths exam paper 2,
I finished an hour before the actual time
And I was bored to the core.
I day dreamed for half an hour and I couldn't take it.
I packed my things and walked out.
The first one to walk out.
HEE :D
Followed by two guys and yeah (:

Well,
I'm so happy to be using the computer right now.
I mean, seriously.
I haven really touch my com since SPM started.
Going online was rare for me and all.
SO,
Yeah. (:
I'm extremely bored and all that crap right now.
Have yet to have my breakfast and bath.
HEHE!

Eventually, they'll reunite.

#352 Him

It was dark.

It's always dark at night.

She was staring at the television like some retard,

Watching yet not actually seeing the moving pictures.

The lights aren't on.

She was alone, justing sitting crossed legged in front of the television.

All of a sudden,

She heard a growl behind her.

She took a deep breath.

Her heart pumping wildly in her aching chest.

She slowly turned and she found myself facing 

Nose to nose with a white tiger.

The tiger was sitting as it thrust it's nose onto hers.

The tiger then gave a throaty growl.

Her eyes widen and she slowly backed up from the tiger.

It's eyes were sky blue in color,

A complete different blue than her eyes.

Hers is more, well,

Midnight blue.

She slowly stood up,

Afraid the tiger might pounce on her.

Instead, the tiger placed it's paws in front

And lay it's head on it's paws.

Yet it's eyes has never left hers,

Not even a single second.

She went to on the lights 

Just so she could have a better look at the tiger.

She gasped when the tiger begun to shift it's shape.

A long white python replaced the tiger.

"What are you?" she whispered.

The snake started to make it's way to her.

She was paralyzed but it's eyes.

When the snake finally reached her,

It lifted it's upper body,

Eyes seizing her every second.

"I'm what you love and what you're afraid of,"

The snake said in a hissing voice.

It was no mistake the snake was a male.

"How can I love something I'm afraid of?"

She asked the snake,

Completely surprise at the answer than the snake 

Has the ability to talk.

The snake gave her a rather sad look and

He lay back down on the cold marble floor.

He curled himself tighter and tighter,

Until he became a tiger once again.

Filling herself with much courage,

She walked up to the tiger,

Knelt in front of  him and placed her hand on his head.

The tiger opened his eyes and he sighed.

"If I'm afraid of you, I would not have go near you," she said and smiled.

The tiger then stood her and bare his teeth at her.

"You may not be afraid of me now for I've yet to show you my true form,"

He said in a throaty growl.

He then walked towards the front door.

"Open the door, I need to go,"

"But... why?" she asked him as she stood up.

"I cannot maintain my animal forms for long,"

The tiger then shifted into a wolf.

"Quickly," the white wolf howled.

"Let me see who you really are,"

Her fingers trembled as she took her keys out from her pocket.

"No!" the wolf howled again.

She finally inserted the right key in and the wolf quickly 

Rushed out of the door.

The wolf shifted into the tiger once again.

He purred as she scratched his chin.

He then leaped over her gate into the dead night.

But she saw the tiger stopped a few feet away from 

A street lamp.

She narrowed her eyes to focus on the tiger.

He slowly shifted into a shape of a man

And she gasped.

The tiger, the snake, the wolf.

It was him.

It was him all along.

"I'm what you love and what you're afraid of."

The snake or rather he said.

And he was right.

She loved him, with all her heart

And yet she was afraid of him.

She went back to her house,

Closed the front door and she broke down,

Crying.

She was not a sentimental girl but he was her world,

Her playmate, her other half.

But she was afraid of him.

She was right.

How can she love something she's afraid of.

In the middle of her cries,

She heard someone knocking the door.

She wiped her eyes,

Afraid it might be him once again.

She opened the door, slowly and carefully.

Afraid of what the door might reveal.

A man with silver white hair stood in front of the door.

He has young and sharp features despite his silver hair

That glowed under the moonlight.

"Heya," the man said with a cheerful smile.

"How may I help you?" she asked after clearing her throat.

"Mind stepping out for a moment?" he asked.

His olive green eyes sparkled with mischief.

She took a step out from her house

And faster than lightning,

The man grabbed her by the throat and pushed her 

On the wall beside the door.

"Glad you fell for my trick," he smiled.

Her breath was knocked out from her lungs when he 

Pushed her towards the wall.

"You see, I love pretty girl's blood,

They make me, well, high."

He whispered softly in her left her.

His voice caused tiny goose flesh all over her arms.

He then took out a pocket knife from his back pocket and

He threw her on the floor.

She coughed and with wide eyes,

She saw him sat on her and his left hand held her throat

While his right hand was raised up high with the knife.

"Baby, this won't hurt one bit," 

His eyes shone with malice.

He stopped and tilted his head.

"I was lying, it hurts like shit," 

He laughed and she lay helplessly on the cold floor.

Her head was still ringing after the being thrown on the floor.

He then quickly stabbed her.

With sheer luck,

She blocked his hand by using both her hands.

They had a little tug of war

But they both know she was clearly losing

For he has the advantage.

He was a man, 

Greater strength than hers,

He's choking her,

He's on top of her.

But she will not lose!

"Are you working for him?"

She managed to choke out those words.

It caught the man with surprise.

His eyes widen and quickly turned into slits.

"I do not work for anyone!" he yelled

And with much effort,

He pushed the knife harder.

"Let her go!" 

A growl was heard.

The man then looked towards the sound.

Really, all he wanted to do is to drink up some girl's blood.

Is it really that hard?

So much commotion and resistance.

She blinked the tears out from her eyes and she 

Made the effort to turn her head.

A white wolf was baring it's teeth at them.

"I'll do anything you want," she whispered to the man.

"Let me go before you get hurt,"

"ME hurt!?"

Unbelievable.

The girl was under his control and she was

Asking him to let her go just so he won't be hurt.

What the hell?

The wolf lost it's patience and pounced on the man.

But the man managed to cut her face.

She closed her eyes with pain as she hurt 

Screams and clothes being teared.

She could not stand the yelping of the wolf

And the screams of the man.

Tears begun to trickled down her cheeks.

It's suppose to be a quiet night.

How did it end up like this?

Why?

She placed both her hands on her ears,

Trying her very best to block out the sounds.

She then felt something rough on her face.

Over and over.

She opened her left eye and she saw the wolf licking her cut on her right cheek.

The wolf licked her cut silently,

Without a sound.

She saw the wold was bleeding.

His white fur was tainted with patches of red.

"You're hurt," she said in a soft voice.

The wolf just growled as it continued licking her cheek.

That done,

He sprinted off once again into the night. 

She stood up and watched the wolf leaping away.

What a strange night, she thought 

As she went back to the house,

Lock up and went to bed.

The next morning,

She stared at herself in the mirror

And found out the incident that happened yesterday was real

For a scar was permanently attached on her right cheek.

She touched her cheek again,

Pulling forth the memory of the wolf licking her,

The soft fur of the tiger,

The sad look of the snake.

She then glanced at the wall clock and found out she was 

Going to be late for school.

She quickly washed up, dressed and grabbed her back pack.

Her shoulder long hair was pulled into a soft pony tail.

By the time she reached her classroom,

She was sweating like crazy.

She was too panting but she was safe from being late.

"Wicked scar, babe," her bestie said when she saw the scar.

"Gotta tell me how you got it,"

She slided into her sit as she catch her breath.

"Maybe later?"

She placed her bag on the floor and she caught a guy 

Looking at her.

She smiled and she saw him blushed before he quickly walked away.

Classes was boring, as usual.

But her mind was wondering about the animals and the mad man.

Finally, it was time for PE.

PE.

Her only favorite class among the rest.

She was the first to run out of class and into the open

Lush green field.

Ahh.

She loves it so very much.

She feels free and all.

She began to jog around the field,

Feeling her heart pumping faster and faster every step she took.

"Mind if I join you?" a male voice asked her.

She turned her head and saw Chong Zheng,

Her fellow classmate and nodded.

She then secretly smiled to herself.

He's cute.

He has black hair and opal colored eyes.

He was titled for mysterious and quite all year round.

Yet he was here,

Jogging with her around the field.

Finally, they stopped.

Their chest rising rapidly as they greedily fill the 

Fresh air in their lungs.

"Nice jogging with you," she said as she began to walk away.

He quickly grabbed one of her arm

And she looked back at him with surprise.

She saw his opal eye began to change color.

From opal to midnight blue, like hers, to sky blue.

Like...

Like...

The tiger.

The snake.

And her savior, the wolf.

"You," she gasped and he let go of her hand.

"Wait!" she cried as he began to run away from her.

"What did he want from you?"
Her bestie asked as she tossed a bottle of cold water to her.

"I'm not sure," she mumbled.

"I saw him held on to your hand,"

"Yeah, but he didn't utter a word,"

"Maybe you should talk to him,"
"Can we drop this?"

"But I'm trying to help," her friend was offended.

"I'm sorry, just tired, I guess. Didn't get that much sleep,"

"Well, you are forgiven provided you go talk to him now."
"What!?"

"You do want me to forgive you right?"

"Maybe now is not the best time yet,"
"Whatever. Just make sure you talk to him okay?"

She mumbled and closed her eyes.

Both of them are lying on field, soaking in the warm sun.

"Honestly, this is the best place to skip classes," her bestie said.

"Yeah, specially history," she agreed.

"Ima go sneak us some coke,"

"Ima stay here and burn myself to death,"

"Suit yourself!"

"Bring back the coke!" she yelled and closed her eyes.

Her thoughts whirled harder and harder about the shape shifter.

Not to mention the mad man too.

"Aren't you afraid of getting heat stroke?"

She opened her eyes and she saw Chong Zheng looking down at her.

She yelped and quickly sat up.

"Here," he handed her a bottle of cold water.

"T-thanks," she said and took a swing.

She then wipe her mouth and looked at him.

"How'd you find me?" she whispered.

A soft breeze blew.

"I just know where you are,"

"Like yesterday?"

The question caught him off guard and he placed his head between 

His hitched knees.

"I'm what you love and what you're afraid off," she quoted.

He then raised his head and looked at her.

"Yet, I don't feel frightened at the moment," 

Her words traveled to his stubborn brain.

He then sighed and got up.

He held out a hand towards her and saw her looking 

At him, giving him the innocent look.

"You do know teacher knows you're skipping class, right?"

She blushed and his heart gave a hard leap.

"Well, come on."

He pulled her up hard and she stumbled on a rock.

He caught her and they looked at each other, eye to eye.

They saw their past, present and future.

Just a single glance like that.

"I've loved you for so long,"

He wanted to say to her

Yet his mouth was temporary paralyzed.

She pushed herself off him and she walked ahead,

On her way to class.

She then stopped and looked at a guy walking

Past them.

He saw the way her eyes soften,

A small smile that tugged on her playful lips.

She's in love with some other guy he knows

And that guy happened to be a jerk, a freaking play boy.

"Hey," she greeted the jerk.

The jerk stopped and gave her the Colgate commercial smile.

"Hello cutie," he said and walked off.

He saw her knees almost buckled and he could hear her heart

Thumping faster and faster.

He was mad at himself.

He balled up his fist and walked away,

Leaving her once again.

He's been watching her and sure as hell the one that will

Protect her.

If you love someone, you have to set them free.

If they are meant for you, they'll com right back.

But he no longer stand it.

The love he gave her aches so much in his heart.

He hated the pain and felt like ripping his heart out,

To get rid of the pain once and for all.

She saw him walking,

Walking out towards the heavy traffic.

"Chong Zheng! Chong Zheng!" she cried when a car knocked him.

"CHONG ZHENG!" I cried while opening my eyes

And sitting up from my bed.

I was a fool to chase after someone when the one that loves me is chasing after me.

I should have turned back and see that. 

It was all too late.

♥

Queer dream I had there.

Well, Chong Zheng didn't exists.

Obviously.

I just found out I was screaming that name when I woke up (:

I am what you love and what you're afraid of.

#351 Over

It's been a while since I've blogged and I miss blogging.
So many things I wish to say are now
At the back of my skull.

I just found out a couple of my old school pal
Missed me and that almost made me tear up.
I mean,
I thought, you know,
I'm the emo bitch there and all.
I feel touched, I really do.

Tomorrow's graduation day
And I don't feel like I belong. (LOL)
OH!
A couple days ago,
I found out that there are more than one girls
Fell head over heels for him.
When they told me,
I felt...
Nothing.
Seriously, nothing.
One of the girls even cried cause she told me
She's 'over him'.
If you're over someone,
You'll not cry or what so ever, right?

I'm strong,
I'm tough
And I'll face any stupid challenges thrown at me.

By the way,
I cut my hair :3

Can't really see but yeah (:
It's sort of side bangs kind of bangs?

Well,
I'm feeling so tired now a days
Even though I have more than enough sleep and all.
Maybe just mentally tired and all that crap?
Sometimes, I wish I'm sleeping beauty.
Able to sleep my life away (:

OH!
I'm not going to Comic Fiesta this year.
Reason was 'cause my mom bought tickets to
China and it's on Comic Fiesta day.
It sucks, big time.
Yes,
I am disappointed and all but I will not dwell on it.
After all,
I can go Comic Fiesta next year, I guess.

Alright, I'm going off now.
Just a short post and all.

So you stare out the window at the passing cars
And you look at the sky, thank your unlucky stars
No you're never quite happy right where you are
Right where you
With all that you are - Dia Frampton (inventing shaodws)