#455 Happening

It has been a hectic week lately
And I didn't have the time to update my blog.
Currently at my cousin's house, waiting for her

So, I'm taking this opportunity to update my blog (:

So,
On Wednesday (250412),
It was Impression Day where I dressed up as a devil.

Make-up and outfit were done by my sister.
Horns and blood were done by myself (:
I scared tons of people. haha.
But while on the sixth floor,
Pow suddenly had P Pain, if you get what I mean.
I was with Pearls and Melissa discussing our project
For Advance Function when Pow suddenly rushed to the toilet.
Apparently, she was vomiting her guts out.
Samantha text me and asked me to go to the toilet
And the smell was nauseating.
I couldn't go near in fear I might vomit as well.
After helping her clean up,
We brought her to the couch to lie down.

Pow kept on telling me she wants to go home
As I understood how she felt,
I began to make plans.
I pulled YPK and Theng Loo in as they can drive
And I pulled Samantha in too to keep company with Pow.

I then asked Theng Loo if he could carry Pow to the other building
And much to my surprised,
He hesitated and said, "Huh? Me ah?"
Pow was in pain and I made up my mind to carry her myself.
She's half a head taller than me and I doubt my strength.
To my and everyone's surprised,
I lifted her up and began to make my way to the lift.
Don't get me wrong,
I was huffing and puffing half way
And beads of sweat formed on my forehead.
Halfway to the lift,
I told Pow I'm going to take a short rest and we continued.
But my legs weren't as strong and I had difficulties to carry her up.
A lady then saw me struggling and she helped me.
I carried Pow to the lift as YPK went down to get his car.
Samantha and Theng Loo reached my destination after
They packed Pow's bag and brought he stuff.
When the lift arrived,
I went in and waited to go to ground floor.
My arms were failing me and
I felt my muscles screaming at me.
Theng Loo quickly took over and
As the lift arrived,
We brought her to the other building and lay her on the couch.

YPK got his car
And with alot of anxiety pumping in him,
He reversed too fast and knocked into a Myvi.
I felt really bad and my guilty concise were screaming at me.
I then piggy back Pow to YPK's car as
Samantha and Theng Loo rushed to Pow's car.
Halfway though there was a step and
I tried to climb but the weight on my back was too much
That my knees couldn't push up.
A loud grunt was released and I managed to climb up
That stupid step.

Placing Pow into the car,
She the asked me to keep her company in the car.
Bare footed, long red dress with blood stain on my mouth,
Without my wallet and handphone,
I agreed.

YPK told me bout the Myvi incident and I really felt guilty.
Reaching Pow's house,
YPK then offered to carry her and I agreed.
When we reached the 11th floor of her apartment,
I struggled with the locks as he struggled to bare the weight.
Finally, he passed me Pow and I carried her to her room.
YPK told me he had to get Theng Loo and Samantha
As they don't know where Pow stays.
I then made calls to Pow's bf, mom and my dad.
I told them all the same story and she's doing fine now.

Pow's bf told me that he'll reach her house in 30mins time
And at the same time,
All 3 of them arrived.
They actually wanted to go back to college
Bu I plead them to stay for another 30 mins as
I did not want to leave a sick girl home alone.
Pow's mom then called back and she told me to get
Some meds for Pow.
Pow the ate the meds and
Later, she felt a bit better.
Her bf then came and we all went back.

I felt bad, really bad as both Theng Loo and YPK
Didn't want to skip classes.
But after making some calls,
They managed to go to classes.

My dad told me I handled the situation with calm
And authority (?)
And I told him,
That I was actually scared.

Beach wear on Thursday (260412)

Friday is Pajamas Day 270412.
And that night
We watched movie.
THE AVENGERS

It was nice.

#454 Falter

Sometimes it feels good to be needed.
Sometimes it feels good to be wanted.
Sometimes it feels good to be loved.

I'm kind of glad to have friends and a cousin to sit by my side
And listen to all my complaints and frustration.
Somehow, I feel guilty of doing so though.

I'm on my guard,
I will not falter when an enemy is at sight.
I will do what it takes to bring them down.

Ah, I'm feeling pretty tired now a days.
My sleep has been neglected and dark circles
And eye bags were formed around my eyes.
Not a pretty sight, I must admit but
I don't care.

I'm going to bed early tonight.
There is nothing to do here (:

I will not falter.

#453 Made in China

So, I had to finish off an essay for my song analysis last night and it took my quite a while 'cause I have no clue what to write. Finally, I was able to finish my essay and I've to turn my attention to Life of Pi. I stayed up until 3-4am reading that book and woke up at6 to reread it. I skipped Malaysian Studies and Advance Functions to study more and managed to catch a 15 mins nap. I managed to do alright but I wasn't satisfied with my results as I had 3 wrongs for multiple choice questions. Later, when we all handed in our essays, lecturer told us we all did wrong as we did not follow the instructions. But she didn't even mention most of the things. Only a specifically person did correctly for everything and the lecturer just had to rub it in our faces. It felt like I've been wounded deeply and salt was poured along with sand that was viciously rubbed on my wound. That is how painful it hurt.

I had to once again skipped Advance Function to complete my work before the dead line. I felt bad as I knew that teacher will teach new topic and I'm left behind. Luckily, my friends agreed to have a group study with me and they'll teach me what they know (:

I know I'm ranting but I was feeling really frustrated and tired the whole morning. The kindle that was usually there was put out. My voice had some bitter in it's edge as I talk and my friend said it was as clear as crystal. But then again, I've put so much damn work on it and it turns out I did badly like I always do. I felt like giving up and giving in. Why stress myself over this when I know I'll get low marks with or without hardwork? Yes, I teared up. My emotions were running a wild and my 'highnet' wasn't there.

She's made in China.
She's the perfect barbie, not the body or what, just the material used.
She's so fake.
She will not last.


I will not lose to people like her. Will not!

#452 Sigh

Reminiscing my highschool life and it kinda surprised me that I'm tearing up. Not due to the missing but due to the harsh truth of how people treated me. I was jeered, laughed, gossiped, bitched and so much more behind my back. I broke down so many times and I was alone. I was always alone. No matter how many people talked to me, I kinda had this feeling of they're real intentions. They put on a smiley face but behind my back, a cruel grin appears and wipes off that smile. I remember the days where I came home crying. I remember the nights where I hugged myself to sleep. My pillows were constantly flooded by my tears and that is only school. Home was painful to live in. Where was my sanctuary? My story books.

I hate my highschool life for it was none other than painful memories that has been burn at the back of my mind. No, I have not forgotten those things people has done to me. Honestly, I kept most things to myself was because I didn't want to annoy people as I know I'm annoying. Because of that, I've lacked social skills and everytime I speak up, my words hurt or burn people and thus, the talking starts.

I then bury my nose into story books and was called book worm or nerd and so on. Whatever actions I did, it was being jeered and laughed at. It was painful and I kinda become traumatic about it.

screwhighschoollifebitch

#451 Out With The Old, In With The New

Had a fine dinning dinner with my sister and mother yesterday

At Taylors Lakeside Campus.

Appetizer: Egg tart with cheese and bacon

Main Course: Fish.

Dessert: Swiss Roll

Since Mr Singh no longer will be our lecturer,
I brought my camera in hopes of having a group photo.
He said he'll come in the fourth period
And everyone in the class waited for him in vain.

"Why no Mr Singh!?" Pearly cried to me as she held my arm tightly.
"I thought Mr Singh is coming," Melissa muttered.
"MR SIIIIIIINGH!!!"

Honestly,
I didn't like the new teacher we're having.
Miss Joan, I think.
She's like my typical highschool maths teacher
And not at all funny.
Not the slightest fun was spotted in her.
I could practically hear the groans in everyone's displeasure heart.
She asked us to open a blog
So we could share our journal through online.
Of course everyone protested!
A journal is meant to be private.
Everyone's personal lives and feelings were written down.
True, I'm a blogger myself
But of course I wouldn't want to share my link
Unless people asked from me.
Then again, I would like to keep it as private as possible.

I am much displeased with the way my new lecturer teaches.
It's effective, yes, but it's really, really boring compared to Mr Singh's teaching.
He would teach and later on let us have a
Group study, teaching each other and learning different ways.

Sigh,
I guess it's another way of showing that we should just
Get on with life and not hub on the same thing
Over and over again.

Apparently, YPK and WK have been talking about me.
And YPK told me what WK thought about me.

Emotional bitch.

Okay, he didn't exactly said that
But I can practically hear it from his heart.
I hate my highschool life
And in no way I'll go back to that girl I was before.
I would smile and jump around,
Be happy even if I'm displeased or anything.
Do whatever it takes to forget my highschool life.
Fuck highschool.

On the bright side,
YPK apologized to me for bringing it up.
I told him it's okay, don't bring it up anymore.
But honestly,
His words has been playing and replaying in my
Mind throughout the entire day.
Oh well.

旧的不去`，新`的`不`来.

If the old things aren't forgotten,
New things will not come.

Big words.

Had delicious Snowflake with Amanda today.

She loved it, so did I. (:

Something perfect for such a hot day.
We went to anime club later on
And Amanda asked Pamela about the Maid Cafe thing.
If Amanda were to go,
I feel like joining too.
Don't know (:

Anyways, I'm off,
Thinking of things to keep myself
Occupied. (:

Emotional bitch.

#450 What a Day

So, we had our first Advance Function exams today
And I kinda died when I saw the questions.
It was super tough and all the calculator thing
I crammed the night before then completely vanished from my
Memory.
Thank goodness Mr Singh gave us all a free period
To ask around for things we don't know and such.
I admit, I was freaking out and excited too.
Who wouldn't?
When my friends came up and asked me to teach them,
I tried my best but in the end,
I was the one that needs teaching.
I feel rather sad about it
And to think my first exam,
I did it so badly.
The late night sleeping was a bad idea.
I kinda dozed off in class due to
Lack of sleep and using too much energy on
Being excited.

Had korean lunch with Pow today
And it was delicious!
We had fun playing around in our 'private' room.

So many Kim's being used!
Pearly went nerdy today (:

Haha, a cute nerd (:

I'm off.
Done my homework and I'm planning to catch up
With the sleep I've lost last night.
Honestly,
Being hyper or even pretend to be hyper
Is really tiring.
But I refuse to be the emo kid I was back then.
No way!

We had fun playing in our 'private' room.

#449 Broken

Once broken can never be fixed.

Everytime I come home,
Things will happen.
I feel like a spectator though, not knowing what to do.
But then again,
What can I do!?
If it didn't happen to me, it'll happen to someone else.
We're not the cause,
Technically, you're the cause of the whole thing.
You're the spider that spun web of our anger and hatred together.
You connect everyone's anger together.
You're the spider that then trigger our emotions
And cause havoc to everything.

"Later she'll be like my mother;
Lost my brother."

"She has already lost me,"

Thinking back, I don't regret saying that.
Honestly,
I do things for my own benefit.
I sound selfish but whatever.
That is how I roll.
By doing things for my own benefit.
If I don't do that, how will I get the things I earn?
The only way to do things now is to
Catch every opportunity available
And to use them to your very own benefit
That way, you'll gain things.

The world is a cruel place.
Are you the hunter or being the hunted?


I rest my case.

#448 Realization

I've come to my senses (I hope) that some people just don't change. I have this thing that I tend to think alot. Too much for my own good, actually. When someone told me who talked to them about me, my mind automatically go to the negative part instead of positive. I would have several questions replaying in my mind like;
what did that person said about me?
Did she talk bad behind my back?
What did she say?

I then get paranoid and such which pretty much annoys the hell out of me.

I lost my temper today. I was really tired and my friend kept on bugging me. I didn't drink coffee (smooth move) and I get irritated easily when I'm tired. She then snatched my phone away and I hate it. I bought my phone with my own cash and it's like a 4months baby that still needs to be secure. The fact that my friend snatched my phone away triggered my calm and coolness. I hate it! I admit that I swore, but I did it quietly, of course. I then tried to calm down and all which pretty much took out alot of energy. And it hit me. My temper isn't going no where. I should have control my temper more and to not show the other side of me I wish to hide. It's nothing bad but I find it not nice to... yeah.

Mr Singh's class felt a little bit longer than it usually does. Maybe it was because I'm tired or something, who knows. But at the end of today's lesson, he taught us secan and tangent thing. I admit, I felt mindfucked but it was alright in the end (: (: (:

Honestly, it's no use making excuse to make myself feel better when I know deep down that I'm in the wrong. Should keep my temper in place at all times (:

I walked passby a friend today and I said hi. It hurt me when my highschool friend didn't response to me. Maybe I didn't say it out loud enough to hear but she didn't even glance at my direction. I knew that something was wrong and personally, I don't really give a damn about it. If she's going to act that way, fine by me. Two can play that game. Only, I won't show it out (: and I don't intend to lose to someone like her.

#447 Conclusions

We're like one big group of family (:

It was during Blended Learning where everyone
Went to Student Success room to hang out.
Well, all four of us.

I find college enjoyable but tiring at the same time.
The tiring part is that I have to drag myself out from the bed
Every morning.
And I'm not a morning person, ever.

To me, college is like a tuition.
We go to tuition/college in our home clothes,
We're allowed (kinda) to use our phones during tuition/college hours,
We have fun teachers/lecturers that have ways of teaching us,
Hours are long but it's like a back to back tuition,
Able to meet new people as we go along and so on.

So, in my conclusion, college is somewhat like tuition.
Only, it's a bit more stressful yet fun at the same time (:
I've a feeling I'm going to enjoy college
Yet I know I must be on my guard at all times.
To listen to the words people use
And to watch their body language are my main priority.

Why?

'Cause I don't want things to be like highschool
All over again.
It's the past and college is not a new page,
Not a new chapter
But a whole new sequel (:

I now understand why people kept on
Saying that college beats the hell out of highschool
And I'm enjoying every minute of it.
But like I said,
I have to be on my guard at all times.

We're like one big group of family

#446 You

I didn't even volunteered to help you.
I just happened to pass by and thought you may need help. That was the biggest mistake ever made for the day. Seriously.

I tried explaining it to you for more than 3 times and my patience were at it's limit cause you're just too stupid to understand. When I asked you to explain stuff to me, you would give me the look that makes me feel extremely stupid. Yes, I may ask questions that seemed stupid to you but I asked for a reason. I asked to understand and to know more. But you would fucking shake your goddamn head, thinking why in the world would you have such a fucking stupid daughter who ask stupid fucking questions, right?

I tried breaking it out for you and you still don't understand. I asked you if I could delete the pictures in your pendrive and I swear you said no. So, I didn't and what did I get in return? I got threatened and yelled at. If I were to do things wrongly, why don't you do the whole thing yourself? Not being able to use your fucking laptop is not going to kill me, I could just fail my course and you'll have to fork out more cash to let me continue my studies.

I am not Jie Jie, I don't the the patience to keep on repeating myself over and over. You and your fucking poisonous mouth that spits out venomous words. You and your ego with the size of the sun that swells up in your hot head.

I refuse to listen and talk to you until you fucking apologize to me.

#445 Unexpected Route

It's already April and it's been a while since
I've actually blog.
I had an English exam on Friday (30/03/12)
And it was my first day for anime club.
(Yes, I join anime club for personal interest)
And I'm telling you,
It was awesome.
Loving the people at college.
They are all very friendly
Though I must be on my guard.
After all, it's only a week.
Who knows what do they have
Underneath the surface?

Anyways,
On Wednesday (28/03/12)
Syann and I agreed to have lunch together
And right after classes, I went to find her.
But she was on duty and I told her I'll wait for her at level 6.
So, I went there, surfed the web while waiting for her.
My classes ended at 2.15pm and I waited until 6pm
Which is the time I had to go home.
I didn't have any lunch at all because I was waiting for Syann
To call me or whatever.
I admit that I was pissed and shit
But who wouldn't!?
I lost my appetite and my temper.
I mean, how could I not!?
I've been stood up and not even a text on telling me
It was cancelled.

Fuck.

Yeah, and it was on my first week.
Lesson learnt,
To not fully place a trust on someone.

My dad bought me a new camera yesterday (31/03/12)
It all happened when I accidentally broke my camera.

I put it at the end of my table while adjusting
My silver egg and my hand knocked it.
I felt as though my heart stopped until my camera came to a landing.
It didn't land far though,
It landed on my study table.
But the impact was great and it ended up not working.
Of course I cried my eyes out.
My camera is something I cherished alot
And it has been with me for 2 years plus.
It was always with me and I've carried so many sentimental
Feelings and thoughts with it.
I went crying to my mom and I've calmed down
After explaining it to her.

A few hours later, my dad came home
And he asked me what happened.
I told him my camera broke and I started bawling like a kid again.
He then hugged me and told me he would buy a new one for me.
I cried even harder and managed to choked out a
"Thank you, daddy."

Later,
We went to Ikano to look for my mom's lappy.
Turned out they didn't sell it.
My dad then pulled me to the camera section
And began asking questions about it.
I showed my camera and they said it can be fixed
With the amount of RM400-500.
My heart dropped all the way to my feet
And I finally accepted that I deserved it.
I deserved this kind of things.
Maybe I did something wrong the past few days
And I totally deserve it or something.

My dad then pointed out a few cameras that has
A leica lens.
And my dad called his friend and so on.
I told my mom I wanted to get a Lumix GF3
Which is incredible sexy.
But my dad had other plans.
He bought me a lumix DMX-LX5
Which is a semi DSLR.
He wanted me to take steps by steps.
I almost cried and I was extremely happy.
And once again,
I questioned myself.
Do I deserve this?
Was it all planned out from the beginning?
And I whispered to my mom,
Jie deserves to get an Iphone.

Takes beautiful shots
And I'm still learning bout the functions and such.

See how define my hair looks like up close?
Wow.

I couldn't stop taking pictures with it.
I'm a loser about it but who cares?
No, I've not forgotten my old camera.
I'm planning to bring it to service and
Pay the services with my own cash.
Why?
Because, it's not that I'm a selfish bitch,
It's just that I want to keep on carrying that camera
Until it really dies. (:

Was it all planned out from the beginning?