#229 Darkness Falls; I'm Calling For Dawn

Currently crazy of this song.
It's called
Everytime You Kiss Me - Emily Bindiger
It's awesome.
Effing love it :3
I got it from Pandora Heart.
I uh.
Finished the whole series already.
Dammit.
Went to the market with my sister just now.
It was raining :(
Bought ICY CWEAM! ♥


Darkness falls; I'm calling for dawn

#228 Sweet Dreams, Kimberly

Lai Kwan came back from Korea :D
I ish happy.
Nyways,
Things here are so boring.
I actually thought that I should,
You know,
Go study?
Weird, huh?

Had a nightmare last night,
It's about jellyfishes. o.o

Open your eyes.
Now close them.
Think of something blue;
That looks both terrifying and magnificent at the same time.
Imagine you can feel it...
Imagine you can sense it...


I closed both my eyes,
And I saw the ocean.
I was standing at the edge of a cliff.
I could feel the sea breeze
And smell the salt from the ocean.
From behind,
I could hear the laughter of children
That are playing happily on the sand.
I sensed someone was standing behind me.
Before I could turn around,
I felt the person's hand wrapped around my waist
And pulled me closer to him.
It's him!
My heart leaped with joy.
It's him!
It's really him!
"Breath taking, isn't it?" He muttered.
I nodded.
We stood there like a statue for a second,
Watching the sun slowly set behind the horizon.
Oh, it felt so romantic.
I let out a sigh and I felt him tense up.
"What's wrong?" I asked without turning my head.
"It's.. It's nothing."
I rubbed his arms.
"Doesn't feel like it,"
He gave me a squeeze.
"It's nothing,"
The stars shyly peek through their clouds,
Checking if the coast is clear.
Slowly,
One by one,
They came out from their hiding place and shine.

Well now,
It seems like she's having a sweet memory.
Wake her up,
I'm tired of this.
Sir!
Wait.
Something's changing.
Her breathing seems irregular,
Heart pulse has begun to speed up...


"I love you,"
He said to me as he jumped off the cliff,
Pulling me along with him.
I couldn't scream,
I couldn't think clearly,
I couldn't do anything
Except fall.
Fall.
Fall to my death.
Fall and crush onto the rocks.
I closed my eyes and waited for the impact.
The water caught me,
As though it was slowly cradling me down,
To the bottom of the sea.
I couldn't breathe,
I don't know how to swim.
I feel like a rock,
Sinking...
Sinking...
I thought about the jagged rocks;
I thought of how my lover's body looked like;
The way his arm was torn apart from his body
Due to the rocks.
I closed my eyes,
Trying to push the image of how horrible he looked like.
A new thought came rushing in my mind,
Why did he made us jumped off the cliff?
Why didn't he tell me what's going on?
Why did he just say
"I love you,"
Instead of telling me what's going on
Before he pushed me?
I felt something brush against my arm.
For a second there,
I forgotten about air.
I was surrounded with beautiful jelly fishes.
Like a balloon,
They took their time to swim up to the surface.
I smiled,
As I watched a blue jelly fish coming towards me.
So beautiful;
So lovely;
So...
OUCH!
Painful.
It stung me!
I panicked.
I remembered I'm still under water.
Oxygen.
I.
Need.
Oxygen.
I squirmed.
Trying to swim to the surface.
Not only I'm not making any progress,
Yet my movement seemed to disturbed the jellyfishes.
One by one,
They came to my direction.
I closed my eyes.
Which one will come first?
The fact that I'm going to drown?
Or the fact that I'm going to be stung to death?
I opened my mouth and let the last air bubble out.
Slowly,
The air bubble begun to make it's way towards the surface.
The jellyfishes stayed still.
As though waiting for a signal.
The bubble popped.
They charged towards me.
At first,
It felt like a needle pricking all over my body.
Slowly,
It felt like bee stings.
I screamed.
I screamed as loud as I could.
I screamed
When it felt like I'm being electrocuted.
It hurts.
It hurts.

Sir!
Her whole body is jolting.
Should we turn off the machine?
Silence.
Sir!
Off it.
Sir?
Off the damn machine!
He walked out of the room,
Leaving the two of them alone.
Kim!
Kim wake up!
He took out the wires from her body.
He pushed her hair back,
Wiping her face with a piece of cold tower.
Slowly,
Her eye lids begun to flutter.
She coughed.
She reached out and touched his face.
Where are we?
In a laboratory.
What are we doing here?
You agreed to take on an experiment.
I dream about you.
I saw.
How?
On a monitor.
Her pulse began to rise.
Her heart pumped faster and faster.
She gasped.
Wha-what's going on?
She couldn't understand.
It felt like she was still in her dream.
The stinging starts.
The bee stings gradually follow.
He-help me!
She cried.
Her tears streamed down her face.
She gasped again.
Oxygen.
She needs oxygen.
Help!
Help me!
He started to cry.
She reached out and she whispered.
I love you.
The beeping stopped.
He couldn't accept it.
The experiment was suppose to be harmless!
It wasn't suppose to end like this!
It was suppose to prove other people
That they can peer into someone's mind.
Can actually see what are they dreaming.
It's the medicine.
Sir?
The medicine that was injected into her blood stream.
It was the cause for letting us see what is she dreaming
And the cause of her death.
He grabbed the Sir's collar.
Why didn't you tell me!?
Why didn't you let me know!?
He voice cracked.
He let go of the Sir's shirt and sobbed.
My boy,
The medicine was part of the experiment.
You, as a doctor, should have known.
Thus saying,
He left the room.
Leaving both of them once again.
One sobbing
And one lying on the cold bed.
Not moving.
Anymore.
He walked towards her
And saw his once lover staring blankly at the ceiling.
He reached out and slowly push her eyelids down.
Allowing her to have a peaceful death.
He slowly shuffled out of the room,
Up to a balcony.
And he jumped.

It felt like I'm being electrocuted.

#227 Day Two

Teddy Likes To Sunbathe Too :)

Went to Ikano with Jie today for lunch :3
We had meatballs! :D
Yumm....
We both anime to watch! :D
Too frustrated to download it though.
In a way,
It's a waste of money.
But ah...
Whatever. :3
Bought Blood + (Blood Plus)
Guess the price :3

RM50 for 50 episodes and soundtrack.
Heh.
Looks like I'm not gonna buy any book at the moment.
Oh wells.
Ima make sure I'm not lending this to anyone
No matter who :/

Currently hearing the soundtrack.
It's okay, I guess.
:)
I broke my house lock today
And fixed it :P
I'm awesomee...

Teddy Hates The Rain Too

Blood +

#226 Day One

Both my parents aren't home today.

It's quite sad yet peaceful at the same time.

My computer broke down.
God!
It's so depressing.
Currently using my mom's laptop.
Thank goodness.

Maidsama is going to end.
NOOOO!!! :(
Oh wells.
Might watch Naruto all over again :)
I feel so much love today,
Not a clue why though.
Peace out ♥


I feel so much love today

#225 Drown In My Own Sorrows

Went to Bukit Jelutong again today.
Since around 11 this morning.
Gosh.
It was effing boring at my cousin's house.
I mean,
Play Station is fun.
But playing alone is really boring :(
Didn't have lunch there though,
Slept through out the whole afternoon
Due to my sleepless night :(

It's like these few days,
I can't seem to sleep.
Really hate it.
There are time it felt like
My body is resting but my mind isn't.
Could it be the fault of my nightmares?
Yes.
Nightmares.
Been attracting them like flies are attracted to food.
I remember what I dream last night.
It was about my results.

"Kim, wake up," a tender voice poked through my sleep.
"Get the fuck up!"
My eyes snapped open and I saw my mom standing before me.
Her left hand holding my results;
Where else her right is holding a butcher knife.
My heart pounded.
"What the fuck is this?" she asked me.
Her voice was harsh.
"My results?"
She took her knife and started stabbing the paper
As though it was alive.
"Yeah. Your results."
I shivered.
"How is it?"
I got an A for English, 
Pass both my BM and Moral.
Not really sure about the rest.
"Bad?"
Down came the knife.
Missed my fingers but my hand came off.
I screamed.
"Shut up! Shut up!" she yelled.
I whimpered due to the pain.
My bed soaked with my blood.
"You're horrible!
Pathetic!
I wonder why I even give birth to such an awful child.
Why can't I have a kid like Yvonne?
Or even Kit Kit?
Why not Marissa huh?
I bet her results are way better than you."
I could feel my tears running down my cheeks.
Yes,
Why am I so pathetic?
Why can't I be like everyone else?
Why can't I be some one that won't let others down?
Why?
Cause I'm me.
And I know it.
I have done nothing but causing much trouble in other's life.
"Kill me." I whispered.
"What?"
"I say kill me!"
She stared at me, blankly.
"Kill me, damn it! Kill me!" my voice rang down the hallway.
"I'm nothing but a pathetic loser!
I can't do anything right!
I'm jinx!
Kill me!
Just kill me!"
I saw the knife coming towards me...

And I woke up.
My shirt clung onto my skin.
I was breathing heavily
And through out for the rest of the night,
I couldn't sleep at all.

Last night one was worst.
It was about Jerry.
To put a long story short.
He died.

Cruel.
I know.
Another sleepless night.
I my as well become a vampire :/
Off to watch Betrayal Knows My Name. :D

Could it be the fault of my nightmares?

#224 Cut Out From The World

Lately,
I've feel so cut out from the world.
Like everything around me is moving and yet here I am,
Still stuck at a place.
I'm not emo.
No,
I'm just wondering.
I should find a job or something.
I mean,
I'm feeling pretty lifeless right now.
Where are my friends?
I'm not sure if I have any close friends right now.
It feels like I'm alone in this world.
Speaking of alone,
It's been quite a while since I've write about
Dear Lil Emily.
I miss her. :/


Does she reflect you somehow?
Maybe.


Dear Lil Emily

#223 Strawberry

Been pretty busy lately.
Not that busy though.
Went to Bukit Jelutong almost everyday.
Reason why?
Mom wanna check out the houses there.
Kinda tired of these houses.

Went to watch movie with Aslene today :)
Harry Porter and the Deathly Hallows.
Two and a half hours and sitting there.
To make things easier.
It was awesome.

Talked alot with Aslene;
Get to know more about her :)
It appears she hates to shop,
Hates heels and make up.
She doesn't wear sandals
Yet prefers snickers (LIKE ME :D)

Um.
Kinda lazy to blog now. :(
Fais works at Ikano Popular :3
Haha.


Hates heels and make up

#222 Shh...

It was raining this afternoon.
My dog ran out of the house.
I had to go get him.
Took my bike,
And cycled around the park,
Looking for that trouble-making dog.
Halfway through,
He came running with me.
It felt great, actually.
The rain gently kissed my face;
The music of my dog's tag;
The silent whirl of my bike's wheel;
The pounding of the thunder
Not to mention,
The lightning that flashes across the sky.

When I looked up at the sky,
I could see the black clouds drifting aimlessly.
As though they have no worries in the world.
I remembered sighing at that time.
It was so peaceful and I've hoped that it won't end.
Yet somehow,
I have to go home.
The rain no longer gently kisses my face
But pounding hard.
Calling out Jerry's name,
We went home together.

Might be going out to cycle again tomorrow.
Somehow,
I wish there is more space for me to cycle
Like Bukit Jelutong.


The rain gently kissed my face

#221 Frustrated

Rather frustrated right now.
Was suppose to go to Ikano just now.
Main reason?

• Get Sasuke plushie
• Get more story books

But I fell asleep due to not sleeping last night and in school today.

I even fucking went to teman my mom to go to Bukit Jelutong today.
What the hell. :/

And just because I slept,

She doesn't want to wake me up.

She even fucking promised me!!!

Hell.

And she claimed that if I ask her nicely,

She'll bring us out.

I was effing scared okay?

What is wrong with

"Are we still going to Ikano?"

In a panic voice.

She threatened to take away the com.

Reason?

For watching too much anime.

Isn't it the same as watching tv?

But on a smaller screen and an uncomfortable chair?

Dumbass.

Ima beg my sister to bring me to Ikano tomorrow.

I

Will

Get

Sasuke

Plushie.

Dammit!

I'm frustrated

#220 Spill Out

Couldn't sleep last night.
Was tossing an turning the whole night long.
Insomnia,
Is what they called it.

Come to think of it.
There was a lot going on in my mind last night.
I mean,
Where was the person I knew oh-so-well went?
We were so very close and somehow;
We drifted apart.
Is it because I don't fit in you're 'crowd'?
Or maybe it's because I'm just some kind of out-cast?
Could it be that because I'm not fun enough?
How about playing in class the whole time?
Am I that different?
Is it because I would like to focus on my studies
Rather than play all the time?
There is a difference between play time and study time, you know?
No.
You'd rather play all the time.
And when there is a conflict between you guys,
You'll come running to me.
Telling me all your problems like I'm your best friend.
Don't get me wrong.
I'm happy that you'll come to me when you need someone to help you.
I'm grateful.
But it kinda sucks, you know?
Just because your friends have no time to listen to your whiny complaints,
You'll come find the person whom will sit quietly and listen.
You then aspect me to somehow, miraculously, solve everything.
Hoping after what I've done, things will run smoothly.
And I've never let you done.
Never before.

Right after the incident,
You'll just throw me away like a damn banana peel.
Macam kacang melupakan kulit.
Like a peanut that has forgotten it's shell (Direct translation)
And when it comes to my turn,
Hoping you'll just listen to me.
That's all I want.
That's all I yearn.
But no.
You won't give me the time of the day.
You'll run around,
Jumping up and down.
Laughing out loud with your special friends.
Leaving me in one corner.
All  by myself.
Whispering to myself that
Everything will be alright,
There's nothing to worry about.
Fighting hard to keep my tears from flowing down my cheeks.
I don't want to cry;
Makes me feel damn vulnerable.
And I hate feeling vulnerable.
Crying are for losers.

How many time have I glance at your directions?
Hoping somehow,
You'll call out my name;
Asking me to join you guys.
Hoping you'll say:
"Hey, this game is not fun without Kim joining us :)"
But, ah.
No.
Not once.
You used to call  me.
You used to ask  me if I'm alright.
You'll leave me alone when I'm angry
Cause you'll know that I'll say words i don't mean.
But now?
I'm just your shadow.

Where is the girl whom I always talked to?
Where is she?
She's long gone with the wind.
My heart whispers quietly to me.

Enough about her.
I've lend you my phone.
I did it so I could communicate with you more often.
Funny how the distance between you and me increased.
You told me you hated her.
I kinda understand why.
I respected you for trying to be nice to her even if you hated her.
I'm cool with that.
But pushing me away?
It just crosses the line.
We used to get into trouble together last time.
It was fun, I admit.
But somehow, you've changed.
And I used to think you're closer to me than your sister and I.
Boy,
How wrong I was.
Haha.

These are nothing more but painful emotions I held in me
For so long.
Maybe it's time for me to let it all out.
Or maybe just some of it.

Highschool.
It's nothing more than people comparing each other.
Grasping nothing but just fame and popularity.
And when you're not popular enough,
They treat you like dirt.
Sometimes,
I wonder why do these kind of things happen.
It troubles me often.
I don't want to be popular;
I just want to be noticed.

Somehow,
Why should I start the conversation first?
All
The
Fucking
Time?
It's like if I don't talk,
You won't talk.
And you told me I didn't open myself to you.
Like you did?
Even if I did,
What good will it do to you?
Make you feel so much better that my life is worst than yours?
That I'm in pain all the time?
A smile is always forced on to my face.
Yes.
I can't control my emotions.
I'm trying very hard right now.

Please,
Whoever is reading this.
I don't need your sympathy.
I can handle this myself.
I really can :)


"Hey, this game isn't fun without Kim joining in :)"

#219 It Feels Good

:)

I'm quite happy this morning.
For ah.
Some reasons :)

Man!
It feels good to cycle in the morning again.
It feels extremely good to cycle on the main road again.
Had to wake up early today.
Just so I could buy Nasi Lemak (Fat Rice) for lunch later.
Lunch.
Ah well,
Breathe in a bit of fresh air wouldn't hurt.
Might be going to school tomorrow.
The horror.
What's worst?
I ran out of books to read!
NoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOOoooOOO!!!

Anyways,
I've finished all the One Piece episodes Hao Yii gave me.
Currently waiting for more.
Watching 07-Ghost in the mean time :D
I think the main character's voice is the same one as the one in
Kuroshitsuji (Black Butler).
Hmm.
I'm positive it's the same :D


I lovehate you.

#218 Get Over It

Went out with Lai Kwan just noww. :3
We went to Centrepoint and it was okay. :)
The usual,
We talked and walked.
More talking and more walking.

I told her
That somehow it feels like you're talking to me
Just because you knew I have tips or something like that.
I don't know.
I just don't know.
Wait.
I do know.
I do know that there isn't any hope.
I do know that somehow, it's over.
I do know that you're kinda using me (in a way)
I do know.
I do know.

Sasuke!
I need you, now :(
Comfort me?

Wait.

#217 Pizza Heart

Went over to my cousin's house today.
It was boring, at first.
Played PlayStation.
Seems like that's the only non-boring thing to do.

We had pizza for dinner! :D
Von belanja~
Yummy in my tummy :3

Ah wells,
Other than that it was alright. I think.
Yosh!
Back to One Piece :3


Yosh!

#216 So... What Now?

Today has been a rather boring day.
No internet connection the whole afternoon and so on.
Honestly?
I feel nothing but the urge of having fun.
With whom?
That is an answer that shall linger in the air.
For a while?
For an house?
A day?
A week?
A month?
A year?
A lifetime?
I just don't know.

ANYWAYS!
That idiot didn't text me.
Baka never tell me when is he leaving Malaysia.
Baka.
Ah well,
Maybe it's also partially my fault too.
For not asking when is he going.
Stupid
Stupid
Stupid
Stupid.

Konichiwa!
Watashi namai Kimberly Too.
Watashi wa Naruto o aishite :3

Might be going to Bukit Jelutong.
Again tomorrow.
Somehow,
I can't wait to move in there.
Anywhos,
Nothing interesting about this post.
Then again,
There's nothing interesting about any of my posts.

The whole reason that I'm posting this up is?
Because I'm feeling a little bit...
Evil right now :)


Watashi wa Naruto o aishite

#215 ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

:)

I was quite happy a few days ago.
Right now,
Just understanding that you're talking to me
Out of politeness,
Out of boredom.
It sickens me, you know?
I don't know what are your intentions.

Kimberly shall now be very cautious.

Desperate to hear your voice.


I'm born to tell you I love you.


What's your fantasy?


Make me yours?


Let me stay with you?


I'm tired of being all alone. 


♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥


♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

#214 Stupid Sakura Project

This is incredibly funny ands stupid at the same time.

Sasuke.

Sakura is awesome sucks :)

Stupid Sakura

#213 Dayumn

Can you see me among those item? :3

Went out the whole day today.
Extremely tired.
Went to help my dad fix the car, groceries, tea,
Get my bike fixed, cycled.
Yes.
It's very tiring alright?

My mom got me a new bike :3
She told me that getting the old one fixed is a waste of time
And not worth it.
So yeah.
HELL YEAH!
New bike :3

Gosh.
I'm really tired yet I don't feel like sleeping.
Dayumn.

Was put down.
Again.
Was suppose to go out tonight but
LaiKwan is sick.
So much disappointments in life.
Should have not put my hopes up high, huh.

Everybody makes mistakes.
And that includes God.
What is his mistake?
By giving you life :3

Harsh.
Really harsh.


Dayumn.

#212 Bunneh!

Bunny see?
Bunny do.
Bunny on the loose.

Been watching One Piece since this morning.
Maybe I should take a break.
But, I need to be on the look out for my mom.
GAH!
What the heck. :3
Ima go to sleep.
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep
Sleep.

I know I'm ranting here.
It's just that I'm really bored.
If the bike is fixed.
Ah.
That, my friends,
Is another story.
Bike
Bike
Bike
Bike
Bike
Bike
Bike
Bike

BUNNEH!?

I've been thinking if I should change my blog name.
Again.
Cause I'm kinda bored of this.
List:

• a-blackrose.
• behindtheblackshadow
• vanillaicecreamcraving

SHOULD I!?

I don't know.

I really hate making decisions.

Screw it.

I'm going to sleep.

BUNNEH!?

#211 Narutrix

Naruto + Matrix =

NARUTRIX

I'm running out of ideas to blog.
Like yesterday,
My mom isn't home the whole day.
Even up until now(3.30pm)
Had McD for lunch :3
Alone.
Again.
But ah well.
It's not that bad, I guess.

Was suppose to go out to One Utama with
Tanisha and Tania today.
But Tanisha don't have transport
So the whole thing was postpone.
Ah.
So disappointed.

Yosh!
Back to watching One Piece. :3

It's not that bad, I guess

#210 Lonely?

Walked home from school today.
Weather wasn't as harsh.
I guess it's because it's only 10 plus in the morning.
Half way walking home,
It started drizzling.
Ah,
Mother Nature's shower. :3

PJK was absolutely useless today.
It's like.
Wasted half my morning just waking up;
Going to school;
Getting ready and all that crap.
And my mom expects me to freaking study PJK.
Wow, mom.
Wow.

Nothing much to say though,
Should have stopped by One Utama for breakfast.
But, ah.
OFF TO WATCH ONE PIECE :D


Wow, mom. Wow

#209 Halloween Night

My parents bought a house at Bukit Jelutong on Halloween night.
Yes. :D
It's big.
Spacious.
Near the mall.

And I hated it.

Yes.