so, for the past few days,
I've been nothing but a drag and depressed.
no surprise there.
maybe its just me being useless and worthless;
everything that I am not.
so what happened is that my sister came back home and of course,
the rents just basically worship her like shes the motherfucking god.
and then,
there is me:
the unemployed, lazy ass that stuck around and do nothing in life.
you can tell that they both were playing favorites
with the way they talk to her and the way they talk to me.
for example:
they cooed when they talk to her
and used harsh tones when they talk to me.
yesterday (060417)
the mom came home and started yelling and banging shit at me.
keep in mind,
it was out of no where and I was shocked as I did nothing wrong.
it is bad enough that my own mind was poisoning me
but to have someone else to poison it further just broke me.
that night,
the mother came into the room and
me, knowing shit is going to go down, prepared myself.
I gave her a hard glare and put a wall between myself and her
in which the wall slowly developed into a tiny space.
she then started with an apology and I rolled my eyes
because I knew that she's going to attack me.
sure enough, she did.
"I'm sorry for my actions this morning but I couldn't control myself,"
as if.
maybe its the way she has treated me over the years that I have turned into a monster, a disappointment.
a reflection sometimes exposes more reality than the object that it echoes.
