#336 Decisions

Something so close could be so damn far.

Tomorrow I'm having my trials 2.
Yet I'm not in the mood to study or what so ever shit.
I'm still pondering my brain,
Thinking which course to go to.

"I don't want to seem like I'm clinging on her,"
I told my friend.
"Yet, I'm afraid,"

Choices I have to make.
It's either to hold on to my pride
Or to let it go just for that camp.

I'm still thinking about it.
Hoping something somewhere will give me a sign,
Telling me which one I should choose,
Giving me a sign to all these kind of things.

I slept at 3.30am this morning
Due to insomnia and mosquitoes.
I managed to get some sleep though
But it came with a price.
A nightmare.

It was scary at first and I didn't get to finish it.
Yet I'm blooming with curiosity.
But what can I do?

Oh wells.
I'm selling my Monster Beats.
Due to the fact that I already have an earphone and
I want to get a headphone.
And Iphone.

I'm off to study right now, I guess.
Or just lay on my bed and catch up with some sleep.
I don't know.
Either one comes first (:

Nightmare.

#335 Striving For Perfections

So, I'm been thinking alot lately.

And I realized how bloody much I freaking hate

My stupid accounts tuition teacher.

I mean, seriously.

She thinks I have all the bloody time in the world

And she expects me to finish 20 bloody pieces of papers

And each papers contain about 2-4 questions.

One sub question take me about 30 minutes!

What the....

I will refrain from swearing (:

Hell yeah!

Beats!

Anyways,

I'm thinking of recording my dreams tomorrow

In a book first.

I've got to go.

School's tomorrow and it's killing me.

Goodnights (:

#334 Light Beyond Dark

I adore the rain and the lightning.
I adore the blowing wind and the loud thunders.
I adore the clouds and the warm sun rays.
In fact, I adore Mother Nature.

I know I don't struck you as the Mother Nature kind of girl
But I kinda of am.
Yet I'm pampered in some ways.
I hate going into toilets that are filled with plants.
I hate sleeping in rooms that are unfamiliar.
The bed I love is my own and my parents'.
I hate to touch gross stuff.
Yes, I know I'm pampered.

But somehow,
I feel like I'm NOT that pampered.
I clean my own room,
I wash my clothes,
I sweep and mop the floor,
I wash the bathroom (ew)
I wipe my fan and all.
Yeah (:

I enjoy long road trips and
I enjoy staying at hotels and such.
Somehow,
Road trips are the best!
It enable me to open my eyes much bigger
And I embraced the Nature with no hesitation.

I found out I love the color Midnight Blue
Aside from Red which by the way is still my
Utterly MOST favorite color.
I found out his favorite color is red too
Which is kind of rare.
I mean,
Most people will like blue or black, maybe white too
But rarely red.

I am slowly learning to embrace the night
With open arms.
I love the stars and the fluffy clouds.
I enjoy watching the moon and
I would stare at it if I have all the time in the world.
I get inspired easily with nature around me.

Rock songs are absolute the best for me.
The Rasmus, The Fray, Paramore, Evanescence
Are my top favorite bands.
Vindicated is one of my favorite songs.

I prefer guys that plays the piano more than the guitar.
Not sure why though.
That was really random.

I get inspired by music too.
Well, who doesn't?
I like to draw but I prefer to write more.
Because being able to write express me and who I am.
Drawing doesn't really bring me out
Cause I can't draw at all.

Short stories are my main point.
I write em when I see em.
Em means my dreams.
They come and I try to remember.

I have an off tuned voice.
Which means I can't sing at all.
I'm not really tone deaf.
I can tell if I'm out of tune yet I can't fix it.

I get emotional easily though I try very hard to hide.
I hate watching sad scenes yet
Ironically I write them out.
I'm a pretty emo kid
But I don't give a damn about it.
Emo doesn't mean I'm sad,
It means I'm in deep thought.

I like cats.
They are cute yet delicate and elegant in a way.
I love their eyes and maybe I'm going to get contacts
Which are similar to their eyes.
I understand that not every one is perfect
Yet they are ALMOST perfect.

Every night,
I would dream I'm known for my stories and my poems.
I would be able to sings and compose songs.
Did I mention I enjoy piano?

I'm in my own world most of the times.
The reason why is because I have no one to talk too.
I'm pretty shy and I love to talk.
Those who doesn't know me much doesn't know that.
I get super duper high when I'm hungry or extremely full.
I would talk and talk and talk until I pretty much
Annoy the shit out of myself and you.

I told myself once that I would never lie to myself.
Not about how I feel and all.
If I don't feel like smiling, I won't.

So many things I wish for I did not get.
But what the heck?
Life is not about wishing,
Life is about doing.

I am slowly embracing the silence that surrounds me.
For I'm alone most of the time.
The things that goes through my head are tiring.
That's the reason why I enjoy sleeping.
I would be oblivious to everything and everyone.
Dreams will come forth to me and I would save it.

If I could draw my dreams out,
It would be better, I guess.
Just imagine the colors of the skies colliding with each other,
Creating a new color that has no name.
Imagine at your right,
You see the sun setting and causing the sky to turn into
Reddish yellowish.
And on your left,
You see a color between light blue and midnight blue.
Pink swirls are the only thing that connects between the two skies.
And at the distance of the blue sky,
You're able to see shiny diamonds,
Dotting the sky.

I'm like an owl.
I rarely sleep before 12.
But I do have my reasons.
Either I can't sleep or I just have this urge to study at night.

Conclusion to what I've wrote here,
I'm a pretty weird girl.
I take other people's opinions seriously.
I'm self conscious and all that crap.

But, I am me.

#333 The Conversation

• ****

  • hey hey.. saw yr status.. u ok? o.o
• Wednesday

  Kimboo Too

  • hey, sorry. Was offline. Um, mother problem. Always have been, always will be c:
    Nothing to worry about, k?
• Wednesday

  ****

  • oic..
  • okok
  • chill chill 
• Wednesday

  Kimboo Too

  • lol. Monster beats!!! Its by dr dre! Wtf! Lol.
• Wednesday

  ****

  • haha.. i noe nothing bout it 
• Wednesday

  Kimboo Too

  • stunt! My moms being a bitch to me  she fetch me thn she got all workwd up cause i was tired and all and she started to yell at me and shit
  • andd... she scolded me for answering her one word replies. So i stare gao her and she scolded me and shit. So, i got pissed off and crap,
  • and i didnt feel like eating dinner and she scold me again -.- thn later she called me cause my dad was home and i stare at her and i got scolded again.
• Wednesday

  ****

  • 
  • haiz..
  • dont care bout et she say..
  • seems like she's liking all the attention u giv her cos when u answer her or something she get the chance to scold u..
  • dont u think so.. ?
• Wednesday

  Kimboo Too

  • the whole fucking reason why i do tht cause she fucking force me to go to school tmr and thr is nthg to do thr. She just wants me to go thr to get my fucking exam papers back. And school ends at 5! Blasrdy fuck. And the words she used makes me feel like im a burden and all.im thinking bout suicide anytime now, you know?
• Wednesday

  ****

  • whoa a whoa whoa
  • cool down cool down
• Wednesday

  Kimboo Too

  • i feel so dejected, so hate, so unwanted. i cnt make myself or anyone else proud of me at all
• Wednesday

  ****

  • u noe suicide solves nothing ..
• Wednesday

  Kimboo Too

  • yeah? But i might feel at peace
• Wednesday

  ****

  • dont think of it like tht.. think of it the yiling way  nowu r just 17.. SEVENTEEN.. still got a long way to go.. next time when u r big then u'll be an awsome lawyer who publishes wickedly awsome books.. then u can shove in front all of the ppl who made u feel tht way and say "IN YOUR FACE!! U HEAR MEH? IN YR FACE!! " then laugh like this BWAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAAH!!!!!
• Wednesday

  ****

  • right?
  • 
• Wednesday

  Kimboo Too

  • girl, you have a way to make me smile. Lol. it has been going on for days and im so tired of it. I rly truly am. I cnt stop thinking how retarded and why i cnt be like everyone else and all
• Wednesday

  ****

  • hmm.. idk why u always feel tht u r different frm other ppl.. u see all the perfect-ness in other ppl till u dont see ur reflection in d mirrorwhich reflecys tht.. (huhu cheesy much ) u cant b like evryone else cos everyone else is different.. 
    
    besides tht, u r poisoning urself too much with the "im not perfect" disease..  which u shouldnt cos no one is.. (haha cheesy much AGAIN :D)
• Wednesday

  Kimboo Too

  • tell tht to my mom. She was like, why cnt you be like this or why cnt you be like tht? Blablablablablabla. I rly feel like shoving my fist in her mouth. Badly. Haha, 'im not perfect' disease
• Wednesday

  ****

  • mayb she feel like she not "perfect" enough (also got "im not perfect" disease) so she wants to make her daughter perfect but never realise there is no such thing as perfect & nvr realise how much it hurts other ppl 
  • u can shove ur fist in her mouth.. but just use ur imagination 
  • huhu.. 
• Wednesday

  Kimboo Too

  • seriously, if thr is a lik button, i would like all yr replies. C: chng topic. Its too depressing. 
    
    
    ♥
    
    
    Well,
    See?
    This is the reason why **** is one of my good pals.
    She's awesome (:
    
    It sucks to be you if you don't know her. HAHA.

#332 Dear Mom

I know I'm not the daughter you wish for.
Then again, I'm not a daughter any mothers in this world would wish for.
For, I have every quality in me no one wants.
I'm lazy,
I'm stupid,
I'm rude,
I'm pathetic,
I'm a slacker,
I'm a good-for-nothing
And a major waste of good space.

I'm pretty sure there are many, no,
TONS of times you wish you didn't have me;
To do abortion on me.
That or you would just give me away to a foster home and such.
I'm sure you ask yourself everyday,
'Why do I have a daughter like Kimberly?'
Or
'What did I do wrong to have a daughter like Kimberly?'
Maybe even
'Why am I curse to have Kimberly as my daughter?'
Don't deny it, for I too wondered the same thing.

Why am i born?
Why didn't you do abortion?
Why don't you just give me away?
Why am I not the ideal daughter you want?
I would even beat myself up with many questions about myself,
Questioning myself with questions which I don't have the answers too.
Why am I so stupid?
Why can't I be like everyone else?
Why am I alive?
Why am I such a burden to everyone in the house?

I have low EQ, I have low IQ, I'm no one.
Maybe God gave me life just to spite me and you.
Maybe he was bored and thought of giving me life just to see us both suffer.
You having jie jie is more than enough.
I know that.
You got your hands full and I'm making it worst.
I'm a bringer of everything negative.
I bring sadness and anger.
Hatred and despair.

But now, I hate you.
There I said it or rather write it.
I hate you ever since I'm standard 5.
Remember when I was younger?
After scolding me, you would go in my room
And apologize?
Quite a number of times you asked me if I would forgive you.
I would say 'yes' but do I really?
Or I would just said it so you could go away and leave me alone?
Why?
'Cause I hate you.
I hate you,
I hate you,
I hate you,
I hate you!
I'm never the ideal daughter towards you but then again,
You were never the ideal mother towards me.
Why can't you be like other mothers, mom?
Why?
Oh wait, maybe it's because of me, right?

I made you like that, right?
Then again,
I should face all the blame that is thrown to you.
For I'm always at the wrong.
I'm pathetic.
I couldn't make things right or even do the right things.
You don't deserve to have a daughter like me.
maybe if I'm gone (forever),
You might change and stop finding fault on your own daughter(s).

I'm sorry you have to receive this on your birthday.
Like I said,
I'm a bringer of negativity to everyone in this house.

Happy Birthday - 101011

From: 
The daughter whom you despite alot, Kimberly.

#331 Moon Cake Festival

So, last Sunday,
I went to Bukit Jelutong to celebrate Moon Cake Festival
With my cousins.
It was freaking hot for one thing
Yet it was fun (:
Um,
Nothing to post about that day.
But I have damn alot to talk about.
But not here.
Cause it's a different title :3

Fun 

#330 Her Imagination

So it's after school and she was left alone by her friends.
Her friends which she was comfortable with either went home
Or went to tuition.
"BYE!" she yelled when her last girlfriend went out of the
Opening school gates.

She then walked back to where her bags were placed.
Upon reaching there, she saw him.
Her heart went from normal beating to super-duper fast.
Her breathing became irregular and she turned around,
Going back to the front door of the school.
She saw him sitting by her bag a couple feet away.
He was staring at the laughing little kids.
They were playing with his basketball and a flicker of concern
Passed by his smooth face.
Concern of how the way the kids were treating his ball.
It was all just a glance but she caught it all.
Like a fast shot being taken,
Captured in her mind.

She felt like a stupid loser standing by the door
And she took a deep breath, gathering her guts.
She then stride back to her bags,
Her head held up high and mighty
Obviously hiding the fear and excitement containing in her.
She then sat by her bag with a huff and watch the kids
Playing basketball.
Their cheerful laughter was all she could hear.
She then felt someone looking at her.
At the corner of her eyes,
She saw him looking at her direction.
But she wasn't if he was looking at her or something.
Maybe he was looking at the people behind her?
And she's afraid she'll look like a fool if she turn and look at him
And to find out he wasn't looking at her at all.
Instead,
She looked left to right;
Looking at the passersby and all that,
Anything to avoid his gaze.

After a few minutes,
She then got tired of the constant staring and it was freaking her out.
She then shifted her gaze at him, slowly.
And she saw that he was smiling.
She then let out a weak laughter.
"You know that I've been staring at you for two whole minutes?"
Her heart did an enormous leap.
"Really? I thought you were looking at something else,"
She gave him a smile.
He then picked up his bags and her heart was pumping real hard.
She thought he was going away,
Far, far away from this weird girl.
As far as possible.
Instead, he sat closer to her.
She then felt self-conscious.
She kept on playing with her hair,
Hoping her hair isn't in a mess and all.

"So, why'd you go home late?" she asked.
"My sister have modern dance,"
"Oh."
"Why are you staying back for?"
"Oh, um. My mom," she said and shrugged.
Things will go awkward if you make it awkward.
Those are the words he sister mentioned to her once.
I will not let things go awkward!
She thought will full determination.
He took out his phone and held out to her.
She stared at him with wide eyes.
"Here, do you want to call your mom?" he asked.
Good Lord!
He is so sweet and thoughtful!
She thought.
"Nah, it's okay. She'll be here anytime now."

She then started to drum her fingers on the cold tiles.
Her fingers are itching to draw.
She took a deep breath and said,
"Hey, d'you think I could draw a portrait of you?"
He looked at her stunned and she just smile shyly and looked away.

"Sure," he whispered softly.
She quickly took out her drawing pad and a couple of pencils.
"Pose in any way you want too," she said
As she lifted her drawing pad to eye level.
She stared at the blank paper until he spoke up.
"How a bout this?"
He sat casually on the floor,
His back was leaning against the wall.
Her breath was caught in her throat as
The afternoon sun shone softly on his face.
His hair shone in a beautiful sun rays.

She started to sketch him.
His face, his eyes, his nose, his lips.
All the while she saw him looking at her.
He then smiled,
Causing her heart to beat harder in her rib cage.

She then dropped her pencil and blinked her eyes.
After retrieving her pencil,
She looked up and saw him sitting quite a distance from her.
It was nothing but her imagination.
Her pathetic mind playing tricks on her.
She sighed and resumed her homework
While catching short glances at him.

Her pathetic mind playing tricks on her.

#329 Dinner At Shogun

So, last Sunday (04092011), my family and I
Including Von and her parents went to have dinner at Shogun.
It was alright, I guess.
Though I would like to add I was lonely.
I don't know how to explain but yeah.
I felt lonely.
Yet I could not utter anything in case I spoil everyone's mood.
Oh wells.

Yep, I ate some of this and that but not all (duh).
I had two bowls of ice cream though.
Who the hell can't say NO to ice cream when it's free!?
NOT ME!
Later, we walked around, trying to sooth our tummy.
By we I mean me sis, my cousin and I.
And later, I saw this adorable pencilbox
Which is a picture of a cat face! (:
Of course I bought it.
But through out the outting,
Both my cousin and sister kept on bombarding me
Which was kinda pissing me off.
Obviously I didn't say anything.
I was resistant to it.
And it took a lot of will power to not blow up (:
Nothing much though.
Next post might be more interesting (:

ICEREAAAAAAAAAAMMM!!!