Thursday, June 23, 2011

#306 Happy Birthday


Honestly, the reason why I don't like my birthday
Is because it reminds me that I'm still alive
And I hate it.
Not only that,
It kinda disappoints me 
Every
Single 
Time.

I'm not sure when is the best birthday I've ever had though.
Really, no.
You know what?
My school's celebrating Teacher's Day tomorrow
And I'm going to act like as if
Like it's not my birthday (:

Birthdays are a prove to yourself of how others really care about you.

Friday, June 17, 2011

#305 Don't Talk To The Weird Girl


Honestly, I really don't feel like going to school anymore.
Emotion outburst.
Can't control it.
Words that I don't meant came out flying from my mouth.
I hate myself.
More than others hate me.

You see, it happened like this,
KDU kinda pissed me off with her attitude.
I mean, I can sense that she hates me for some reasons,
But whatever right?
Then Jay kept on pestering me wrote wrote the letter.
I asked him,
Whom do you think wrote it?
And yeah.
It happened quite a while
And he finally told me that he's going to ask the class.
And I said, don't.
And he started to asked
It was the last straw and I yelled at him.
My emotions running wild.
Obviously, they took his side considering that
He's been in this school for quite a while.

I was pissed off, bit back my tongue.
Teacher was explaining stuff to the students,
And I didn't have the book.
I didn't buy it, to be exact.
And so, I stared out of the window,
Letting my thoughts run wild like never before.
Imagining me killing him over and over and over again.
Stabbed him in the heart and such,
Trying to block out whatever names he called me.
But, as I suspected,
I'm not as strong as I thought I would be.
No, my defenses are getting
Weaker and weaker as the moment passed.
For every word people say about me,
I keep them in my heart,
Storing it away into a box that label,
The Truth About You.

Honestly,
The things people said about me are mostly the same:
Weird,
Stupid,
Emotional,
Bitch,
Arrogant,
Childish,
An asshole...
Those are like the main ones.
I can't tell you how much it really hurt me
Even though their just words.
The only thing that kept on repeating in my mind
To stop myself from bursting out is that
To ignore him is the best.

But the thing is,
Those words started to fade away and was replaced by:
Shutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutup!!!
Tears rolled down and I tried my best to not show it.
Maybe that's the reason why I turned my back on the others,
To face outside.
Shutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutupshutup!!!
And finally, the teacher asked him to go to the office.
The first thing came to me was
What the fuck?
And she said I too have to go.
I could not hold back.
I yelled at her.
This is between me and him,
Why do you have to pull others in the situation?
Why do you want to make a big deal out of this?
And I was still holding back until...

Come on, bitch!

He said that to me.
I was shocked.
Then again, maybe I shouldn't be.
He went out and I slammed my palm on the wall near me.
Vending out all the frustration in me,
All the bitterness in me,
Wishing I could stop crying at that moment.
Wishing I could just disappear or just jump
From the window behind me.
I was tempted too.
Teacher got mad at me and asked me to sit down
And she started talking to me.
Honestly, I didn't want these to happen.
If I could rewind time,
I would rewind it all the way back to February
Where I could managed to convince my mom that
I needn't to transfer school.
I sat there, letting what others say about me whirl in my mind.
I mean,
If what others say about others right in their face,
It means they are true right?
Right?
It means I'm all of those things.
It means I'm every single thing they said.
It means everything is true.

I walked towards the office,
Trying my best to not cry.
Miss Thana saw me and asked what's wrong,
I told her.
Woe me.
I started to cry again.
I knew everything is my fault.
I started it.
Why?
Cause I can't seem to fucking control my emotions.
Maybe that's the main reasons why I kept on losing friends instead
Of making them.
I'm pro at making enemies than making friends.
Maybe that's what I am.
Someone to actually hate.
For a good reason too.

Miss Sim asked me to go in to her office.
And she started to talk to me, asking me to calm down first.
I told her the story.
Telling her it's all y fault.
I didn't want anyone else to get into trouble.
I didn't tell her the part where he called me names
Because that might be a little troublesome.
I regret transferring school though,
Regretted every stupid choice I made.

Yeah, back to the story.
I was busy crying and thinking if I should
Apologize to him.
Pride.
Is what was holding me up.
Eventually, I did apologize.
He said, I forgive you.
I felt like saying this out loud,
Right infront of him, right infront of Miss Sim.
Do you really?
Or you just want to say that just so you could get over this?
Maybe if you really did forgive me,
But how can I forgive you?
The things you lashed at me really hurts.
You're a guy, you don't know.
I've been through many things and yet, 
Even though I'm supposed to be immune to it by now,
But I guess not.
I guess I'm still; a stupid feeble little girl.
Whom is an immature bitch.

Instead, he took out his hand
And Miss Sim told me that he wants to shake my hand/
I admit, I did hesitate.
I didn't want to shake it off.
I want it to not happen at all.
But I don't think it'll be like that, anymore.
When he went out,
Miss Sim asked me to stay and asked me to calm down.
I did managed to smile when she asked me
If I'm Christian.
She prayed for me and I just sat there, numb.
Hearing her words, allowing them to flow into my mind.

Finally, I went back to my class.
Feeling wretch.
It was worst when people kept on coming to me
When I clearly just want to be alone.
Sure, they are being sweet and all
But I just need to be alone at that time.
Maybe building up walls that surrounds me at the same time.
Building up better, stronger and higher walls than before.


The only scenery that can keep me calm and at peace.

Building up better, stronger and higher walls than before.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

#304 Dumbass


Not like what I've predicted.
Failed 4 subjects.
Here comes the real questions;
What's the point of me studying that much
And working so hard when I just tend to fail
And not get good marks at all?
Why does those who doesn't study get higher marks than me?
I contribute in class,
I answer teacher's questions and yet,
I still get extremely low marks.


Indulging myself will self pity at the moment.
Maybe suicide is the best answer after all.

Dumbass

Friday, June 10, 2011

#303 Lil Emily: Her Dark Days


By their gravestone Lil Emily played
For more than ten days,
She has been eating off from worms
Occasionally for her vegetable, she'll eat some ferns.
One day Lil Emily decided
TO have an adventure.
"Mommy, daddy, it's fated
For me to see what magic the world has covered."
After saying goodbye to her mother and father,
Lil Emily went to her house to see her dead brother.
"Brother, I came to say goodbye
Maybe one day I'll learn how to fly;
To reach Heaven that lies beyond the sky
And bring our parents each a pie.
Maybe I could learn the road that leads to Hell
And see if you're doing well.
I hope in Hell you don't suffer
For I love you, dear brother."
Thus Lil Emily went upstairs to pack,
Leaving everything she once had.

For ten long days Lil Emily had walked;
Without any secrets with her at all.
For those ten long days she has witness how people act;
From the thin to the fat.
People yelled;
People cried;
People smiled;
People died.
But what Lil Emily saw one day
Makes her feel like her heart has broke.
For she spied a family looking so gay;
Together sitting at a dinning table, the joked.
She remembered she once had a family like that,
Until everything went bad.
For her brother that she loved most,
Killed her parents and to her he boast.
Anger has blinded Lil Emily,
She took an pair of knives and avenged her mommy and daddy.
Suddenly Lil Emily smelt something wonderful;
She has not eaten anything yummy since she left.
To the door she begun to pull,
"Look mommy!" a girl cried, called Beth.

Her family looked at where Beth is pointing.
Lil Emily could no longer hear anyone joking;
Lil Emily begun to realized her mistake
When she saw a teenage boy approaching her.
"Don't scare her, Jake!"
Lil Emily begun to feel fear.
Lil Emily is itching to take out her knives,
But she wouldn't want to take away a life.
"Come in, my dear," a woman said
"And what are you doing out so late?
Does your family know where you are?
I hope you don't live to far."
When Lil Emily stepped in the light,
She saw everyone looking at her with fright.
"What are those on your outfit?
Com darling, have a sit."
"Thank you," Lil Emily said,
Fully aware she's being hated.
"Are those blood stains on you?" asked the lady
"Yes, they came from my family."

Beth begun to look through Lil Emily's bag,
What she saw made her gagged.
A couple of knives Beth spied,
Made Beth shivered with delight
"She's a murderer, mommy!
Don't let her go near you daddy!"
Thus Beth took out Lil Emily's knife
Beth should really value her life!
Tears begun to flow down the cheeks of Lil Emily;
She begun to feel... well... bloody.
Lil Emily walked towards Beth
In her wide eyes Beth saw Death.
Lil Emily plunged two fingers in Beth's eyes
And she snatched away her knives.
Beth begun to wail
"Come near and the life you wish to save, you will fail!"
Lil Emily flee
When Beth's father called the police.
Lil Emily rushed out of the house,
She then stopped and retreated back towards the house.

Lil Emily have you forgotten
The blood stains and all.
I know you're hungry for mutton
But isn't best you run before the police are being called?
Lil Emily, Lil Emily can't you hear the sirens?
It's best you should keep your knives.
Lil Emily no longer want violence,
She turned towards a bush and that's where she hides.
Under the bushes Lil Emily lay;
Silently with the worms she played.
Lil Emily sobbed when she began to miss her mummy;
Lil Emily wonders if she's with daddy.
"Mummy, I hope you're happy;
I wish you're together with me."
Slowly the sun began to set,
Lil Emily began to bet.
Should she run away
Or should she stay?
Lil Emily ran into an alley
And that's where she continued to wept.
Suddenly she heard someone pushing a trolley,
Should Lil Emily attack?

"Child? Why are you crying?" a tender voice spoke.
"I'm being hunted," Lil Emily joked.
"Child, come out of the alley,
Let me help you find your mommy."
"My mommy is dead," Lil Emily whispered.
So quietly, it can't be heard.
Lil Emily stepped out of the alley;
Silver moonlight bathe her body.
Lil Emily saw an old lady
Holding onto a trolley.
The old lady smiled,
Took Lil Emily's hand brought her to an old shack.
"Stay here a while,
I'm going to bring you some snack."
Thus the relationship between Lil Emily and old lady grow
Or so I've been told.
Lil Emily doesn't know
The secrets the old lady had begun to unfold.
Let me tell you something about the old lady,
She's kind, sweet and a lil smelly.
She loves helping people;
No matter how big or little.
Somehow cats are fond of her,
Maybe she's a lil queer.
The reason she lives on the out skirts
Is because many people believe she's a witch.
Shen she was younger, she likes to flirt;
Jealous women calls her a bitch.
Some believes she's a siren;
A bat of her eyes, a touch of her fingers
Cause men to fall head over heels,
Even the firm.
A couple of robbers decided to give the old lady a fright
In this stormy night.
They know her security isn't tight
Together they chuckled in delight.

Lightning flashes across the sky,
Casting shadows to dance on the wall.
Lil Emily saw a guy.
Stunned, she tripped and fall.
She heard someone scream,
Could it the old lady?
She hope it was a dream.
Oh, Lil Emily.
It's happening all over again!
From the lightning to the rain.
She rushed towards the kitchen
And she stepped over a kitten.
Lil Emily spied a couple of knives,
"I'm ready!" she cried.
She's determine to protect her love one
And kill the men who are having fun.

Slowly and silently, Lil Emily tiptoed.
She saw a man drinking heavily with his legs fold.
Lil Emily stood behind him
And she slit his throat as the light began to dim.
In his pool of blood he lay,
"This is a fun game to play!"
In the living room, Lil Emily heard voices;
She vow she'll cut him to pieces.
"Where's the money!
I know you have it, old lady!
Don't do anything funny,
Or you'll end up like the dead kitty!"
Lil Emily walked into the room
With her faithful knives by her side.
The man is doomed,
Lil Emily hoped he puts up a fight.
In the dim light the man saw Lil Emily,
He snorted when he saw the knives.
"What are you going to do, lil lady?
Best you put this all behind."
The man faced the old lady,
Demanding nothing but money.
The old lady shook her head while saying no,
The man's anger begun to rose.
He shot the old lady on the hand,
Causing her to howl like crazy.
Lil Emily aim one of her knives at the man,
Her anger turning into a frenzy.
"Give me the money then my partner and I will go,"
"Your partner's dead," Lil Emily spoke.
The man rushed out to find his partner
And he shook with anger.
"What happened to him!?" he cried.
"I killed him! He died!"
The man filled with despair shot Lil Emily;
Her brains once again blown out and splattered on the old lady.

"Lil Emily! Lil Emily!" the old lady sobbed,
Unaware she's still being robbed.
The old lady wept,
In her house, two people are dead.
"If money is what you want then I don't have any,"
For those brave words the old lady said.
She felt light as if she's in a distance memory,
She has sealed her own fate.
When Lil Emily open her eyes,
All she heard was a gun shot.
She then saw a pair of tired eyes
With her life, the old lady fought.
Lightning flashes and thunder boomed,
Lil Emily got up and picked her knives.
The man that stood before her is doomed,
The man could not believe his eyes.
A lil dead girl walked towards him,
The one that has a brains blown out.
Yet she still stood in front of him,
The man begun to wailed out loud.
"You're dead! You're suppose to be dead!
I've shot you in the head!
The light is so dim!
This... this is nothing but a bad dream!"
"Yet I'm still alive for my revenge,
The old lady I will avenge!"
Lil Emily jumped towards the man,
Killing him was non other than her plan.
The last thing he saw was a pair of knives
Which landed on both his eyes.
His blood curling scream was being cut
When Lil Emily plunged her knife in his heart.

Finally the storm stopped,
Lil Emily felt hot.
Lil Emily went up
In the bathroom is where she bathed;
To wash away the blood
When the water touched her head, it hurt.
Lil Emily gritted her teeth in pain,
She hoped she is still sane.
In her eyes,
Six people died.
First her father;
Then her mother;
Later her brother;
Lil Emily had not forgotten the old lady,
Whom took her in and treater her so kindly.
Lil Emily have not forgotten bout both men;
How their blood splattered all over the fan.

Lil Emily begun to cry,
Why can't she just die!?
In this cruel world she still live,
Her life she would rather give.



Gosh, it's been a while since I've wrote Lil Emily.
Somehow, she just came back to me.
Man. I can't stop writing rhymes now.
Lil Emily, peace is what you wish to find,
I hope you find it in the end. (:

Lil Emily
Lil Emily: Her Great Lost

Friday, June 3, 2011

#302 Holidays


Ever since Friday,
I've been sewing my ass off (:
Don't worry, I sew my ass back on.

These lady bugs make a girl really proud (:















Lady bugs, fly away home