#494 I Miss You

i had a dream about you two nights ago and it was so hurtful as well as heartwrenching.

you were with your friends and you looked so much happier than you were with us.

you and your friends were lazing around; basking yourself under the warm sun. 

you then saw me and ran towards me then ran back to your friends before i was even able to hug you.

i understand that you were trying to tell me that you are happier now, that you had friends to play with you and not neglect you like i did when you were here.

for that, 

im sorry. 

im sorry that i lost my temper at you for behaving so playful.

im sorry that i was impatient towards you whenever i had to take you out for a walk.

i was being selfish to the point where i grumble.

it was never a chore, it was for you to explore the world as well as to stretch your legs and yet i constantly held you back and yanking you whenever you made a stop to sniff the flowers.

but at the same time, i was the one that talked to you and embraced you whenever i came home; regardless of my allegies. 

i showered you; not only to keep you clean but with tons of love as well.

i am hurt that you left without waiting for me.

but for you to wait for me is also hard, isnt it?

you were already suffering and once again, i was the one that wants to hold you back.

i just want to say my goodbye before you leave.

maybe you were waiting for me.

maybe you were wondering where i went.

maybe you were hoping i come back before you leave.

ive let you down.

in my dream,

you finally came to me and i laid down on the tummy of your friend and you snuggled me.

i was so happy that my allergies did not break out to the point where i placed me face in your body.

i am sorry as well,

in the dream before that,

i remember i was trying to shoo you away.

in my defence,

i didnt want to hold you back anymore.

i was scared that you thought i didnt want you anymore.

but it hurt me so much.

and in that process, 

ive hurt you.

im sorry.

thank you though,

for coming back to me once again

to say a proper goodbye and for me to hug you again.

-

i woke up with tears in my eyes and a smile on my face.

my heart felt lighter and my soul felt lightweighted as well.

thank you,

jerry.

i will always love you and i am once again, sorry for not being there when you needed me most.

rest in peace,

my favorite berry. [130402-130616]

part of me hope to see you again, part of me wants you to move on.

im learning to move on as well.

dont let my tears stop you, okay?